Well some of you may know my situation and others may not. Quickie; Me and a girl that I've been on and off with for a long time have pretty much come to the point were a relationship is no longer possible. I was considering being just friends until tonight.I've had a lot of issues with other areas in my life. Recently I've decided to make an appointment with a doctor about getting tested for ADHD & Depression. Everyone I know has been supportive, some have admittedly been hesitant though. Anyway I decided to tell "her" because she means a lot to me, she said she'd like us to remain close. In fact she wants a close friendship more then me, I'm sort've testing the waters. She was short and didn't say much when I told her. 5 Minutes later she phoned back and told me that her family thought it was absurd of me to think of having ADHD and that it is one of the most widely diagnosed problems. She said she people who take pills "to escape their problems" were cop-outs and that I should probably be talking to a Christian Counsellor or Christian Psychologist.I was extremely offended. I've given my choice months of thought and it wasn't easy for me to come out and tell people about that particular problem and I certainly don't think going that route is a cop-out. I told her I felt that trying to find a solution with God and Science wasn't sacreligious. She said that had nothing to do with it and that irregardless I shouldn't have to take pills to get through my issues. Then she couldn't understand why I was offended and I told her that because she was so important to me her opinion of me did matter. She said that it shouldn't matter what she thinks of me and that this shouldn't affect out friendship.I don't think this issue so light as that. I really am very offended that she thinks I'm a cop-out. I know this sounds like a problem pre-teen relationships encounter but I guess I'm just mad that she doesn't even try to understand were I am coming from. I told her that.The she said she was tired of hearing about my problems and it stressed her out. She said she didn't want to hear about my problems and tried to move on to light conversation about her day at the office as if we weren't arguing. That really pissed me off even more and really I had no idea what to say at that point. So there was silence for like 5 minutes straight before I told her that if she didn't care enough to give me advice and support me when I need then I'd do it on my own.Then she said someone else was phoning her and that ended our conversation.I feel really burned She didn't seem to understand my wanting/needing help, the method I wanted to try, or budge when I tried to explain myself. It's going to be tough now because I thought she would be the one person I could definitely count on. Am I just being an overly-sensitive pussy? Should I try to remain friends with this girl? Are any of my objections justified? I guess I just need someone to understand me!
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I got burned
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In reply to: Am I just being an overly-sensitive pussy? Not at all. I had a similar situation tonight, I was actually just about to post about it. I'm stuck in my room doing 2 months of art stuff for my assessment which is in 6 hours. And of course, being me, I still haven't done anything. We got a little talking and she told me that the stuff I'm going through is nothing special, its not something I need drugs for or anything (altho I shall be getting well baked tomorrow, I hope!) I just need to concentrate on what I want. Its so stupid when she says these things after I have told her so many time now that I cannot concentrate!! Thats my problem! And of course when I get angry about this she just calls me a moody teenager. I'm a 19 year old, going through one of the most important parts of my life, and I may well have a debilitating mental disorder. I'm allowed to be a bit moody, right?Basically its a problem where other people can't see anything physically wrong with you and you don't act like a retard, so they just assume you're faking it or its just your personality.
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In reply to:Should I try to remain friends with this girl?You would have to be an extreme masochist to want more of that, surely?You can do better. Much better.
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for me being a friend is accepting people unconditionally and being as supportive as i can be, whether i agree with what they are doing or not. Your so-called friend doesn't seem to be being a friend at all. ITs got nothing at all to do with her and her life, so why she has such a aggressive point of view on this i don't understand..............you don't need more hassle on your plate hon, it might have taken a while but you know you came to the right decision, i hope this doesn't make you think twice about telling people and getting support etc cuddle
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I agree with Angel completely.You have to do what you think is best for yourself. If you think this is the route you need to take than do it! You have to remember to look after number 1; yourself.As for being friends with her... I don't see how you can be friends with her to be honest. A friend should be supportive and bring you up, not push you back down. If you take a hard look at the relationship you described to use, can you honest say this is someone you truly WANT as a friend?
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Well, it's a bit different, but I had that issue when I was starting to realize I was an alcoholic. My BF, would end up just yelling at me EVERYTIME I drank. It was horrible. I would drink, he would yell, I would drink more until I passed out and didn't have to (couldn't) listen to it.When I was sober he was a really good friend. Well, I thought that at first anyway. Support when I did well, and such would have been better, and asking for "sober dates" would have been awesome too. But no, he thought he "helped" by screaming at me about how horrible I was. The sad thing is, I am the HAPPIEST drunk you will ever meet. So it wasn't like he was bitching at me because I got mean or neglectful or anything...just yelling cause he thought it was for my benefeit...I would be sober for a week, then WE would throw a party and he figured that I should "just not drink" if I thought I had a prob. HA! easier said than done...
The thing that finally clicked, he wasn't always drinking with me...he was sober most of the time, how good a friend could he be if he was SO mean while I drank.
As a friend, someone doesn't necesarrily have to agree with you, but they should be kind in understanding that you need to do what is best for you. If she didn't agree with the way you think you should handle this, she has the right to state her oppinion then drop it.
Your in a better state of mind than I was. I am healing MUCH faster now without the critisism...
You don't need a "friend" like that to get through this time in your life, it is going to be hard enough without her telling you that your doing it all wrong.
Remember "insanity is doing something the same way over and over, and expecting different results". I am glad that your doing something different..
Bob, that goes for you too...just posted to the Op..
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Well, I was gonna post a long response, but, it seems everyone has beaten me to it so, well said to everyone As for my two cents, I've not quite been in that position, but, I've been reduced to a state of depression where just getting out of bed was a mission in itself, thanks to the "love" of one lady, and, I did try to be friends with her at the end, and, that was just one more stupid mistake that I made because it all just got thrown back in my face... that looks like what's happening to you now so, personally, I wouldn't persue a friendship with her unless she comes to you to apologise for her behaviour... it's understandable that she'd be shocked, but that she'd speak to you in that manner seems unforgiveable to me, as everyone has said, a friend is thus unconditionally, it doesn't matter what you feel about something, you will always support your friends, so, by that definition, in my mind, she doesn't sound like you should be wasting your time on her :STrust me, your real friends will always be there for you and, you're not being over sensitive, in fact, sensitivity in a man is a very good thing whatever anyone may say ... you'll find that it binds your friendships together all the more strongly Anyway, hope you find the answers you need Dan
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Are you dating my ex? This sounds very familiar. RUN!!! That's just my advice.
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=S it's just so hard because I'm not "tight" or super close with my other friends and they are the type that don't mind having close friends... just not "too" close. They aren't bad people, they are great to be around when you want to have a fun time. Right now though I've been in a more serious and "thinky" sort've person which they are either incapable of doing or are uncomfortable whenever I might try.I saw "her" on the net today. It was pretty much like this:Me: "Hey"Her: "I'm not talking to you."Me: "Um... Alright?"Her "I thought you didn't want to talk to me"Me: "Sigh... look things haven't changed. I'm not mad at you, but I'm not over it. I just want to move on."Her: "Fine."Me: "I know you don't want to talk to me so I'll let you go, have a good week and "Her: K. Caio. <>She is usally really bubbly and happy online and I definitely knew she was pissed off. I guess it still eats at me because she feels that she is in the right when really I don't think she is. It's like I need to convince her that what I want to do is a good thing. I know it's fucked up but it's hard for me to get closure on this when she is fine letting our connections die & over something she should have supported me on!
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It's like I need to convince her that what I want to do is a good thing.You are engaging in obsessive thinking, which is just another way to punish yourself. For now, you just need to do what you need to do, and not worry about what's going on inside her head. Stop handing her the power. There's nothing in it for you.
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hiya matey I may not have ever been in the same situation as you, but, as my previous post said, I've had similar issues... I really hate to agree with SteveA on this one, but, you are handing her the power, you need to make sure that if you're gonna speak and remain friends, that she understands, and, comes to accept your point of view, I wouldn't normally recommend any kind of ultimatum, but, in this case, I think you need to explain your point of view, and, give her the choice of accepting that, whether she agrees with your point of view or not, you will go forward with whatever you choose, and, that she can either support you, or, not... evidently, it seems to be the not, and, you seem like an emotional guy, so, I know how hard it is to let go... but trust me, I think it could well be for the better if she won't even support you in your time of need, if you need someone to talk to, I'm sure that I and many others here are open to talking As for your friends, perhaps they're just scared of what's to come, I always try to be a brick for my friends, but, I have friends who're scared of anything emotional, and, if I'm goin through a particularly bad time, just go out of their way to keep away from me :S I'm sure there'll be at least one or two though trust me, being around your friends is the best thing you can do at the moment they may not seem supportive, but, a lot of the time they're probably just trying to take your mind off things, anyway, like I say, we're all here, if you need to chat Cya latersDan
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I really hate to agree with SteveA on this oneYou mean on anything, but now that you've done it, doesn't it feel soooo goooood? (Picture a cat stretching after waking up from a nap in a warm sunbeam.)H> Should I try to remain friends with this girl?Not now. When you're on a more even keel, you can think about it.H> Are any of my objections justified?In the sense that you object to unfairness in general. But there are some things you can't do much about. Trying to reprogramming someone else's brain is not a practical solution.
