This is mainly a rant to just get things off my chest....Well, as we all know, I go through these phases of depression (I guess everyone does from time to time), but here lately it's been really bad. I'm usually a very happy person, but here lately I've just been so angry at everyone that I've become reculsive. I've alienated myself from friends and family... I've caught myself pretending to be this 'happy, carefree person' when in reality I'm screaming on the inside and just hoping someone will notice. I've found myself snapping and biting everyone's heads off for no reason. I get so angry I'll start yelling and picking fights just to do it and yet I ask myself why I'm getting so worked up and I've no answer for it. I'm feeling worthless and I'm feeling like I'm being used and I'm really starting to hate being in my own skin. Things have been so stressed this year, I've had three deaths in my family, my sister and I aren't as close as we once were because of her boyfriend and I've found myself resenting him for that, I've had several 'relationships' (if that's what you want to call them) with a few men fall through, I've lost one of the best friends I've ever had because she moved off and is now refusing to call me back on my cell, and the list can go on. I'm just so full of anger and rage at everyone and everything that I can barely see through my tears these days. I feel like I'm lost inside my own little mind and no one cares, no one stops to ask me how I'm really doing, no one notices and I am so sick of it. I'm sick of it and I really am afraid I'm going to end up doing something drastic and I'll regret it... no, I'm not talking suicide or anything like that, I think thats the cowards way out, but I think I'm on the edge of doing something really stupid to get people's attention and I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself. I don't know if I can pull myself out of this funk I've allowed myself to fall in... I just don't know what to do...
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What's up with me these days?!?
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Katie, First things first BIG HUGS Now I can go on You’re a great person Katie and have so much compassion for others and you can tell from reading your post that you don’t seem to be getting the compassion turned. Sounds like you need to put yourself in some positive situations and around people who will positively influence your life. Also, think of all the exciting positive things that are coming your way. You have a car now, and your house is moved onto your property. Your mind is going to be so wrapped up in such fun but stressful devices. This might be something you need, something you can be proud of and really see how truly terrific you really are.Please know you can always come to me, even if it’s just to rant. Call me anytime you need. hug
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you need a break, a change of scenery.I suggest you jump in the little GTI a bugger off for a couple days. I know you'll be tight for money but it doesn't have to be an expensive vaction.Just have some Katie time, take lots of pictures.
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I don't know why I'm angry all the time, I try to push it aside (put in on the back burner so to speak) and pretend it's not there, but it's always present, chewing at my mind. I think I'm going crazy (well crazier than normal for me lol). Everything seems to set me off... hell, just the other day I flew off the handle at my sister for no reason, I was itching for a fight and she was the one standing there so I chose her to start one with. I'm just stressed to the max and I think I'm on the verge of an emotional break down. I'm to the point where I'm just ready to give up and call it quits with everything. I just want to curl into a ball a cry until I can't anymore, cry until I don't hurt, cry until there is nothing more to cry about. I could really use a hug from someone... just someone to wrap me in thier arms and to ease everything, but since I can't have that I'll just have to maek do with what I've got. Music and a bubble bath lol
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WOW...I wish I could really help. I know what depression is beleive me! But, I send a hug, and I hope it gets better. we can compare stories, but that is bout all I got...If I knew the magic fix, I wouldn't be depressed myself..
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Sis i just wanted to give ya a big virtual cuddle reading that........i have nothing to add as i would be echoing what eddie said, except that, crying is a very good thing, if you feel like it do it, cry, shout, throw things (that can be easily replaced LOL) but don't hold it all in and feel worse..........love ya darlin xxxx
