Dad keeps walking in my room w/o knocking

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I'm so sick of this; my dad will just barge into my room without knocking and when he does knock he doesn't wait for a response. He knocks then tries to open the door.I'd leave my door locked but then he gets suspicious. I always have to have my history cleared because he'll go in my room when I'm gone and look up my history. I know every teen guy these days looks at porn, but I mean come on, if you put any dad today in our place as teenagers they would do the exact same thing. I tried to talk to him about not barging in on me but he says that he's my dad and he can do whatever he wants and I can't stop him. A couple minutes ago, I had A2A up on the screen and he comes walking right into my room and comes over to the computer, grabs the mouse away and he's like what's this? and I'm like it's none of your business. So then he says "I was in your room, cleaning the other day and I saw handjob and blowjob.com websites up." First off, I don't even use those sites and second of all I would've cleared my history. Well rather than say that, I just said that every kid does it and he would to if he was in my place. Now I'm starting to doubt if he even saw anything and he said that just to scare me. I don't know how should I deal with him barging in. I've already talked with him before.

Quote: he says that he's my dad and he can do whatever he wants and I can't stop him.Hes right, its his house his internet and you are his child.A certain degree of privacy is needed and warrented, but free reign is not. Te less reason he has to trust you the more freedom you end up losing.sit down and work out something with him. yo uwont ever get total privacy but maybe something yuo both can work with.you keep grades at a B or better and he knocks and waits before entering. You keep curfew and dont get into trouble and he lets you stay out a bit later or go out mroe often. Something along that. O ourse if you fail to live up to your part, he instantly pulls in the ropes and cuts off your sense of privacy.I search my kids rooms any fucking time I want, but never if they are not home. The only thing I ever am looking for is drugs or booze, i dont go through thier papers or any shit like that. they are always there to witness it and as to thier computers, I have them on a router, I lock them out of net usage during certain times of the day and block access from their IP addy to specific sites. If youhave mor than one computer, you alreadyhave the router, I suggest he looks into how to run the router as anything more than hooking in mor computers.I also suggest you bring it up with him, try to show some trust, make a concession isnteado just demandng some privacy.For the record, one kid is 15 the other is 17, my house my rules, no matter wha tthe age of the kids.

Yeah but he's not as smart as you when it comes to computers.

He barely even knows how to turn on his own computer, but yet he can check history. I know it's his house and his rules, but I'd like him to at least wait for a response. I wouldn't mind he looking for booze and drugs because I don't do drugs and when I drink it's at my friends house in his basement and his parents are alcoholics too so they don't check.

If he wanted to, he could pull out e manual on the router and figure it out in a few minutes, I figured mine out with out the manual in maybe 5 minutes.Its not hard to do, anyone that wanted to could pull itoff.talk to him, eplain shit to him and see if he can cut ya a deal, you do something for him he does somethign for you.Iv found shit I wasnt looing for in my kids rooms, like condoms. That led toa long sex talk and responsability talk, but also made me feel better because atleast if they are doing it (they say no but hey...) then they have taken some innitative and are doing it safer than I did when I was in shcool.By the way, I ended up giving the rubbers back to him at the end of it all, he never was in trouble, but it opened up a hell of alot of diaglog. He also knows that if his grades drop below a B average hes done with basketball, the school requires a 2.0 or better to play, dad requires a 3.0 or better, in addition to that shit, he gets to go out with friends during daylight hours, and gets to have friends over, with grades hes earned an Ipod and a computer, I never have to get after his ass to shovel the walks so long as the snow comes when hes not at school and he has time to do it. Thers alot on his side that makes it alot easier for me to be an easier parent on him from my side. He earns his privledges, and so long as your in someone elses house everything you do and have is a privledge.Try earning some of your own by working with your dad instead of just going against him.

The "my house, my stuff" argument has never seemed to me valid. Once you have a child you take up obligations to raise that child reasonably. You can't starve the child because it's your food; you can't make the child sleep outside in the snow because it's your house; and I think a certain level of privacy is also an obligation. I think we'd both agree on that, Chance, though we would disagree on how far that would go.What worries me is that sometimes a parent is hoping to catch the child in sexual activity, for reasons that have nothing to do with good parenting. I hope that isn't the case here.

My parents used to search my room all the time , and to be honest it just in the end makes things worse .My mum even used to read my diary , hence why i don't really write one anymore. Your son or Daughter is asking for your trust , and you both agree on terms and then the second they leave the door you are rummaging around. This only leads to negative behavior, your kids will no longer trust you, and if anything you will notice them acting even more shadily as they try to hide every little thing from you.I know my mum still does it although she completely denies it, the thing is i can prove it!! Why should i trust her when she has little trust for me?

I am so on board with you. And to ineligible, my kids have had wish sandwiches...(thank you blues brothers!)My kids know that I have free reign of the house, I stay out of diaries, and things like that (though if I thought my kid was in real trouble I would be in it in a heart beat). Usually, the only time I go into their stuff, is if they aren't keeping it clean. Then, I will go clean their rooms for them, which if they are hiding anything it ends up found. So far, nothing except little toys and things that my klepto kid brings home. I also have the computer in the dining room, and the second my kid starts dropping pages because I came in or near, she is off. Period. It only happened when she first was using the comp, and she learned very quickly. We have such open dialog, that if she is hiding it from me, she KNOWS it is something that she shouldn't be doing. My little one, hates it, but she knows as well, if it's gotta be hidden, it's wrong. (OR she perceives it as wrong, or else she wouldn't be hiding it!)As a parent, I provide, yet, I can take it ALL away too, right down to a couple changes of clothes, a bed, food and school (and even that I can do at home). 2 of the three here have never had a wish sandwich, though the one, has tasted many. I am a vicious mom, but of the 4 I have had forever, only one is an irresponsible child...and the 5th one, I am dealing with mommy issues with him, but have only had him living with me since September, and he has come a long way!!!

Okay, I gotta plead ignorance here, what the fuck is a "wish sandwich" and what the fuck does it have to do with the Blues Brothers? I've see Blues Brothers a million times and can't remember a wish sandwich."It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it."

Rubber Biscuit lyricsBy : The Blues BrothersBow bow bow...(um, do that again)Bow bow bow...Have you ever heard of a wish sandwich? a wish sandwich is the kind of a sandwich where you have two slices of bread and you, hee hee hee, wish you had some meat...Bow bow bow...Ummm... the other day i had a ricochet biscuit. a ricochet biscuit is the kind of a biscuit that's supposed to bounce back off the wall into your mouth. if it don't bounce back... you go hungry!Bow bow bow...Umm, umm, umm... the other day i had a cool water sandwich and a sunday-go-to-meetin' bun...Bow bow bow...Hee hee hee hee... what da ya want for nothing? ... a rubber biscuit?Bow bow bow...Great skit, you should look around and listen. I have it in mp3 format on a disk, but don't know how to send it to ya!

Okay, okay. Maybe I kinda remember it. The lyric rings a bell, a little, but I don't think I'm putting it to the right tune. If it's the tune I'm thinking of, though, I've got it on tape but don't have any way of playing the tape anymore.

Wrong, I never search shit with them not there, They are alwasy invited in to watch. To date Iv nevre found anything wrose than a condom.and I dont read diaries, or their email. Nor do I tear apart the room, just a look around and guess what? its my house, my rules, if they dont like it then can go live with the twat that calls herself mom.The more they prove they can be trusted, the less rason I have to pull a random.Subject to random drug tests as well, the strips are dirt cheap and since they have never viloated it, I have little reason to pull a search very often. My House, My Rules, if they dont like it, they can always leave. apparently they are Ok with it since they chose to live withme and not thier mother, took 2 years of court to make it happen, it wasnt a moms a bitch I want to move in with you spur of hte moment fit sorta thing.They knew my rules before they asked me to go back to court on them.

I'm with Chance on this one. Diaries, and such are theirs. Even their jewelry boxes are thiers unless they have shown somesort of reason to go there, and so far so good.Cleaning their room is another story if it is a mess, I dump drawers to fold stuff so it fits, and haul everything out of their closet nothing of any consequence has ever turned up just a few things to create a discussion, I think if they kept it spotless all the time, then they probably are hiding something, but if the rest of their life is responsible, I would assume that the spotless room was just part of that. There is a back pack search with my one kid. She gets "surprise inspections" about every week or two, because she steals. I can tell before I start by the look on her face. Sometimes, she gladly hands it over, and I don't dig, I just look. Other times, she hands it over with tears, and if I don't see whatever at a glance, I dig. It has never been wrong, at least the terror look, I always find something.

Okay,why the heck are you clearing your history?Clearing your history looks suspicious because then it would appear you havn't gone online at all.What I do: Open all my bookmarks to forums/news sites that I do read commonly. This will fill up quite a bit of history. That explains why you're online for so long. I generally only click on the top thing and give a quick comment so that I have a cover story.Then turn on Private Browsing. I'm not sure if it's available with all web browsers... it is with Safari. Go into the Safari menu and check off "Private Browsing". It'll make it so any other websites you visit don't get added to the history list. It'll also not record any passwords or names you type so your parents won't happen to type something into google that starts with a few letters and then have something like, "Naked Cheerleader" filled out automatically for them.Anyways, just keep good track of where people are in the house. I wouldn't go onto sites like that unless there are only 2-3 people in the house and they're all busy with something (example: dad's at work, mom is watching a show that won't be over for half an hour, brother has a large project he's working on.)

That is pretty bad. And kids wonder why parents don't trust em...

As harsh as I sound, my kids have had to earn my trust. One of my daughters is on this site, but usually asks ME first before hopping on here to discuss something. Other things, she is to embarrassed to ask anyone but me. Go figure.

In real life, if you blow it, ALL of your privacy can be taken away, just ask Chance...

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Cleaning their room is another story if it is a mess, I dump drawers to fold stuff so it fits ...and I'm the spoiled rich kid :eyes: :wink: seriously my mom never cleaned our rooms or laundry. well she did our laundry till we got to a age we could do it ourselves...11 or 12 or so. our room our mess. i WISH my parent shad been checking out our rooms. when parents go with out looking in a closet or checking the computer things go unseen. Things that NEED to be SEEN go unseen. I wish my parents had looked in my sketch books... maybe then they;d asked. i know i would have denied but... maybe it would have made them wonder or think or somthing.

uh huh.You do realize, it is my excuse to get nosey right? Plus, it also becomes laundry that is washed, washed and re washed without ever being warn. Though, I do have a washboard and bucket they could start using...hmmm

lol.. atleast it's clean. Ry's idea of laundry is smell it and if it dont stink it's clean.... if it stinks he sneaks it/them into my laundry. If i wash it he forks out some green! I like money and he hates doing his laundrey... so it works. lol

Cash is always a good thing. LOLI took over for about 2 weeks, and my loads per week cut in half..(It is mostly the little lazy one, just shoves it all in a corner till Saturday, then washes EVERYTHING again) Somehow that is easier to her than putting it away. Nuts

excuse to get nosey?
I dont need one, its my house. My house and my rules=my excuse.
and really the oldest especially, hes sort of a nerd, hes into computers and girls but doesnt have a harem but does talk to several from school on the phone all the time, hes diabetic an somewhat shorter than he should be for his age, his little brother been bigger than him for many years now, and now in fact is bigger than me.
he really doesnt give me much reason to worrie, so I go through his shit and have the long talks less with him. The other is 15 and plays basketball, Iv bene claled to school more than once for him beating th shit out of kids and then the teachers who grabbed him, at one point when he was 12 he beat up 2 kids that dumped thier lunch over his head in the lunch room and it took 5 teachers to get him off th two kids that left in an ambulance. Thats the kid I watch closest, hes the one I go through his book bag when he gets home from school, hes the one that I worrie about the most, hes the one that in trouble alot, 15 and now just over 170 lbs and 6'2"... almost, hes got a quarter or so an inch to go to hit that 2 mark.
the fight thta he hurt those kids?
Fuck em, they had it coming, I talked to many witnesses teachers included that said he was eating with is friends and these two had been school bullies for a long time and walked past and both dumped thier shit on him and kept walking, he even yelled at them to get them to turn around before he hit the first one. No kid in my house is in trouble for fighting so long as they didnt start it, fuck Im the one that taught him to fight and how to fight and how and where to hit to deliver the most damage for a single punch, hard for me to be mad about him fighting when he didnt start it, but it doees show some attitude that I am well aware of, attitude that I had at that age (but was much much smaller than he is, physically) and so I watch out ofr him pulling the same shti I did.
The good thing about it all is that there is nothing he can do that I didnt already try years ago. THres no new tricks, I invented the tricks, I perfected them, I know what hes up to when he starts his shit or starts lieing. I already did it years ago! His room searches are not random, there is alwasy something that gives him away. There has nevre een anything as bad turn up on him as the shit I did at that age, Im happy about that.
the things kids do not understand is that the parents only wnat to protect them, and that what we want is for thier lives to be better than ours were and thie futures brighter than ours. The shit we do is done out of love, and while some is midguided, years down the road they WILL understand why it was done the way it was.
I didnt figure the shti out till I was an adult, and always thougth my parents were the shits, then I had kids of my own, then with that 20/20 hindsite I put shit together, they did it because they loved me, not because it was fun to shit on my parade.
The better the grades, the better social interaction, the less lies caught in, the less reason I have to fuck in his room.
So long as he demonstrates his ability to act in accordance with my rules he gets rewards, more freedom, later curfews, some spending money, new clothes, friends sleeping over, more ocmputer time.... He fucks it up, I take it away.
My rules,my kids, my house.

I get nosey when it is warranted. Period. Like the back pack search, it just happens to her out of the blue, but only because she has proven time and time again that she is un trustworthy. The room thing is the same. Usually there is no reason to go through it (my girls share one) so, if it is messy, I have the reason. They keep it clean, and the rest of their behaviour is good, there is no reason.I also go scouting out the little ones stuff if I find things in her back pack that don't belong, it usually means she has more hidden in her dresser or closet.I don't get snaking toys if you can't play with em...she is something else!!!