So yeah my username is obviously InSearch... my sig now says "Still searching" ... I'm searching for answers to a lot of questions ... one such question being what's the point? What do I have to offer?Just to give whoever cares/remembers a tiny update: I went to Military school for a semester, survived that, went to summer school, got kicked out of that (roommate snitched about weed), came back to this place called home, dropped out of school and am now working all day every daySo since I'm not doing much else besides working, I get to a lot of thinking ... like what's the point? I've failed at the american dream, so it's not that. I've failed at being successful.Been depressed for .. let's see... anywhere from 10-15 years of my life (yeah, I'm 17). Thanksgiving just passed by ... lol.. what a holiday. Guess where I was on thanksgiving day? Working. Yeah. Better than being home I guess...christmas is coming up... the most hated time of the year besides my birthday... yay, happy spirit. Not.Anyway... just a random rant... I guess I'll try to make this topic make sense and ask... what's your point in life, if you know? Why do go on day by day in this fucked up world we live in (anyone who thinks the world is not fucked up is lying) ?
What's the point
Well I am just so glad to see you again.You haven't failed. You're working - that's a great achievement. You're doing something useful as part of the community. That's a success!Why keep going? Because people matter. All those souls, each one different, each one unique. Each one damaged too, as the world is, but still precious.
The point is that there are things out there that you live for and strive for. The trick is to find out just what it is that brings you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Unfortunately, that's something you have to find for yourself.Is there anything crazy (but not dangerously stupid) that you want to do, a new hobby, skydiving, anything like that? Working day after day without anything else significant going on can be depressing in itself, not helping your situation. Try to find something to do, something new and different that you haven't done. Join a sports team or club of some sort (some sports are very expensive, but some are relatively cheap and are casual), go hiking somewhere, go out and meet people or do something with people you know, anything.The world is pretty screwed up, but it's also filled with good things. The trick is to know what to look for. I'm not saying to be ignorant to all the negative stuff, but be sure to look for beauty and joy in the world in as many places as you can find it. You'd be surprised what an optimistic attitude can do to your mood.If you don't like your job then search for another one. No point in staying in a job you hate, there's more to life than just money. You should find another job before you quit your current one, but even if it pays a bit less, if it's something you'd much rather do then go for it. I personally enjoy working at a large electronics retail store (similar to Best Buy). The one I work at has a cool environment, the people are great to work with. My last job blowed and it was next to impossible to be enthusiastic about it. I make $1.50 less an hour, but oh well, it's worth it.
I think Ineligible summed it up pretty well. (BTW, Ineligible, thanks, I needed that today).
I get the depression thing pretty well! Remembering that your one of the important souls gets tough. But you contribute SOMETHING to someone EVERY day...It doesn't seem like it, but you do. Remember, offer up your best, everyone you meet, you have a chance to touch. People DO learn from you, even in small ways. I don't think we were all put here to be rich and/or famous. It takes us little guys to let the others be...
A rich successful business man, rarely has time for anything but the business, someone has to do his laundry :wink: I think that the fact that we're not hyperfocused like that, gives us more opportunity to touch many more lives, in many more ways.
Is there anything crazy (but not dangerously stupid) that you want to do, a new hobby, skydiving, anything like that? ... Try to find something to do, something new and different that you haven't done. Join a sports team or club of some sort (some sports are very expensive, but some are relatively cheap and are casual), go hiking somewhere, go out and meet people or do something with people you know, anything.That advice is not suited for me ... maybe someone else, but definetely not me. First let me tell you: I'm grounded, been grounded forever, so I can't go the house. I have no hobbies anyway. I've already been skydiving once, it was alright. I actually like my job so that's no problem at all ... like you said I'm not making much but it's one of the few things in my life I actually liked doing. For the first time, people actually respect me, and I'm one of the best people at my job ... and I'm getting another raise soon (I just got one a couple weeks ago) so that's cool...Anyway, sports are not an option
There are a lot of people a hell of a lot worse off than you, people who were sexually abused as children, parents who didn't exist, grew up in rough areas, got into bad drugs, hurt a lot of people. I work with those types of folks, people who literally appear to have NOTHING going for them.You're mentally stable, you have steady employment, a place to live, food to eat, and you have a rather competent command of language.I work with the people in the first paragraph (Prison). Working with them to try and rebuild thier lives is what motivates me to keep going. I used to have your attitude until I got into corrections, and realized what an brat I was being.You could really have a hell of a good experience working with ex-cons or homeless people. Nothing major, no sainthood stuff; maybe just help out at your local community "out of the cold" program, or help out in any way at a YWCA/Womans and childrens shelter, the Salvation Army, etc etc.Not only will it give you a much needed rap to the head, you'll begin to feel useful and motivated to help others (And thus, help yourself)
parents who didn't existTrust me, I would be much better off if my parents didn't exist.> mentally stableI wouldn't say that> steady employmentAs steady as a restaurant chain job gets I guess> place to liveWhich is at home. I'd rather be on the streets than here> food to eatSo do inmates> rather competent command of languageOk...? I can breath, too.> You could really have a hell of a good experience working with ex-cons or homeless people. Nothing major, no sainthood stuff; maybe just help out at your local community "out of the cold" program, or help out in any way at a YWCA/Womans and childrens shelter, the Salvation Army, etc etc.That's all fun and great, but if I can't get out of the house, it's hard to doAnd don't worry, I already love to help people ... if I can
I can honestly say that I deal with severely distrubed people.
Some of them are so bad that they'll just stand in one place, staring at nothing, not moving for hours at a time...or worse, they scream at something that dosn't exist, smash thier head off the wall, or rip thier own flesh or eyes out of thier head to stop the torture in thier mind.
Unless you are prone to attacks of wailing, excessive panic, crying fits, and you see a tonne of really strange-ass stuff that dosn't exist; you are mentally stable.
You have a job, you've kept it for more than 2 weeks. Once again, I deal with people who CAN'T do that. If you've kept any job for at least a month without making death threats or assaulting your boss, you're doing okay.
Food to eat
You don't want inmate food (Trust me). Prison food is made by people with no culinary skills, in massive amounts, and the food itself is from the lowest bidder.
Command of language
You appear to be able to read, write, and type; which is much more than a suprisingly high number of folks. Once again, I deal with full-grown adults who cannot communicate in writing, at all. Also, some are so uneducated that they cannot successfully use a crayon and colouring book.
Why can't you get out of the house? You work, so I'd assume you are physically capable of moving about. Is your age a factor? If your folks are abusive or neglect you, consider emancipation, or contact your local family and childrens services centre.
At places like the Salvation Army, they often take in adults (or even youth) for a short, or long period of time, or refer you to a place that will allow you to stay for an extended time. They aren't bad places either; many of them are actual apartments, or dorm-room settings. The only requirement to stay is that you must be making forward movement in your life (Going to work, going to school, getting counselling)
Here in my neck of the woods there are a number of places that help out:
John Howard Society
Daivd S Horne
Boys and Girls club
If your home situation really is bad enough to the point where you feel neglected or in danger, and where your movements are severely restricted, then you may want to consider contacting outside help.
Maybe I should mention that I do realize that a LOT of people have it worse than me. But that doesn't make it any better with my situation. I don't think "oh I should be happy I have more than that fucker over there" ... sry I don't think like that.You're definition of mentally stable and mine seem to be slightly different, so we'll just leave it at that.Also if you could stop comparing me to prison-level people that'd be great. You make it seem like everyone in your facilities is innocent and all that. They decided to committ their own crimes, and now they're doign their time. I got in trouble with the cops for being drunk and I'm doing my thing for that. I decided to commit that crime and am doing my time in the upcoming two saturdays (Gotta watch a total of 15 hours of videos).So sorry if I'm not happy that I have it better than criminals - I should hope so.> Why can't you get out of the house?Parents won't let me.> Is your age a factor?Yes, I'm 17. I'll be out when I'm 18, yuo can be sure of that.And I've thought about just leaving plenty of times, believe me ... but I stil have it better here than out there (several reasons) so I'm staying until I'm 18, like I said. Hopefully by then I'll have some money saved up (after I pay my fucking debt to my parents back)
Wow, 17, and you have failed at the "American Dream"? Two kids, white picket fence, two story house with his and her's SUV's and a Porsche in the garage?I didn't mean it that literally. I mean I'm what America doesn't want ... dropout, drug-using fucked up child.> That's a lot of pressure to be putting on yourself at such a young age, don't you think?I wouldn't call it that... I just want to be somebody... right now I'm the guy who makes your sandwich at Subway.> interesting life experiancesI wouldn't call them interesting... more like fucked up and shitty, but it's a viewpoint I guess> It won't be the first of last time, trust me.I always knew I'd get in trouble eventually (everyone does at one time or another, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about) ... just didn't think it'd give me a huge fucking debt I'm trying to pay back nowI'm grounded because of the weed thing ... been grounded since July > At 17, the holidays can be a bit stressful and meaningless. It is what it is...put on a happy face,.buck up and get through it, it'll be over soon.It's not jsut cause I'm 17, or cause it's the holidays... just at the holidays it gets me more depressed ... I'm sure everyone has heard that one of the most depressing time is Christmas (yes, ironic, but true) .... And I used to have a branch of service in mind to do ... but from little military I've seen at military school (one of the top ones in the country apparently) and seeing first-hand at how corrupt this "military" thing is... I'm not too excited about it anymoreAlso I've already travelled the world more than most kids my age... mostly just in Europe though: Germany, England, france, Italy, Spain, Switzerland.... that's enough for meI admit, I'm doing quite a bit better now than a while back (Anyone who remembers me back then on the forums will agree with me) ... sister is off to college, barely see her anymore ... dad's gone 90% of the time ... mom leaves me alone for the most part ... dropping out of school helped me a lot too... got a job I enjoy (my 1st job too, got lucky) .... so it's better than it's been in teh past...But there are still those moments when I'm like I was back then ...
Sorry insearch, inmates are the people I work with and know best. And no, I don't think they're innocent at all. The only ones I can have any sympathy for are the mentally distrubed ones (Because they literally do not have the ability to function) Otherwise, they're just spoiled little shits from the Young Offender system that graduated into the adult system.I totally agree with Helmsman, and I went through it too; there is an intense pressure to be a millionare CEO by age 25 (or whatever occupation) and anything less is seen as a failure (At least in our own minds) To ever make any massive amount of money, you'll either have to be well educated, very lucky, or be a great criminal.The debt you'll pay off, and in 5-10 years when you're $300,000 in debt (mortgage) for the rest of your peak adult life, you'll laugh at worrying about whatever debt you hold now.BTW...since when were minors allowed to enter into monetary contracts? What the hell do you owe them for?In the end, though; you're the master of your own attitude and outlook. I can't change that, nor can anyone else do that here, you knew that when you posted your message. However, some people are satisfied and actually enjoy being pissed off/disgusted with the world, do what makes you happy, man.
Oh, and in regards to the bs and corruption in the Military...be prepared to find that everywhere you go, private or public sector.It's all about the office politicking, gossip, and backstabbing. Just try to keep your nose clean, do your job, and you'll be fine. Just make sure you document or note everything that cathces your attention (Incase someone decides to use you as a sacrificial lamb) and don't go out of your way to stir the pot with bosses or co-workers.
I guess I confused you guys somewhere... I didn't literally mean the American Dream with tons of cars and a big house ... I just meant I failed at being smart in school and being successful with grades and never getting in trouble with the law or anything ...Why would I be in $300,000 debt? That's a lot of money... I don't ever plan on owning a big house (don't need it)... just a small house or appartment will do for me.And my "contract" isn't with anyone ... I owe my parents money for being kicked out of military school.
I see what you're sayingI want to be THAT successful ... I never asked for much and I don't need much ... just an appartment/small house and making enough money to support myself is all I need ... I don't want to be like those business people who work 24/7 and have no fun (like my dad) ... when I grow up I actually want to enjoy it and have fun ... if that means working a semi-shitty job - I'm ok with that.This also allows me to stay low on the radar. I mean like, if you're real successful the chances are that if you do something wrong it will be found out. If I just stay with a low job whcih still allows me to support myself, I'll be off the radar for the most part.And about the tree... I'm a big fan of it. I think it's one of the best things on this earth ... the (usually only) times I've had good times is when I was high. Plus I find nothing seriously wrnog (yes I've done my research, and no, obviously not the same research as you, Steve) with it so I see no reason to quit ... except for the illegal part. But plenty of people in the country are working on that for me.
If I knew where'd you live, I'd say, Let's get high. Unfortunately, I don't. But get high anyway!
Yeah, except my parents are mad anti-drugs.. I can only smoke before/after work
I know it's going to be hard... shit, it alredy is, with my past and all it still messes with me ... up until recently I wasn't planning on reaching age 18 (ask Pete about that one), but I think I'm past that point now... hopefully.I think I'll be able to tell when tree isn't right for me .. shit I'm surprised I realized early enough that coke wasn't as great as I thought it was for a while ... like I've said elsewhere that's some rough stuff in several waysWhere do I want to go? Right now I'm just aiming to get outta the house on my 18th birthday ... gotta save up money (once I pay off my debt I'll be raking in all the money for myself, instead of having to give some of it away to pay the debt) ... haven't actually done the math to see how much I'll have, but I should have a good amount. The goal is to have enough to be out on my own. Never erally looked into the Coast Guard ... if you have any info on it that'd be cool. (I hate going out by myself and looking, since it's much harder to find true information)
Yeah like I said one day I'll take a closer look at it ... still not sure if I want to consider that option
(once I pay off my debt I'll be raking in all the money for myself, instead of having to give some of it away to pay the debt) ..What debt?? The money your parents claim you own them becasue you got kicked out of military school? Shit.... they can't make you pay that. Blow it off.
Yeah, they can.
I'm guessing that's why it's gotten a little better around here for me ... I'm sure if I said "fuck your debt, it's my money" they would make it worse than ever for me.