Was it too harsh?

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So there is this guy I've been friends with forever... lets fast forward some... I tell him how I feel about him, he tells me he likes me but he's not sure... fast forward some more... he moans and complains that no woman likes him for who he is on the inside and then I snap! I ended up sending him this... I'm sorry, I'm probably going to sound like a complete asshole here ******, but where do you come off saying all these girls don't want you, they're only looking for the scrawny-ass-treat ya like crap-guys? You can't say all girls are like that because I remember a great woman putting it all out there on the line about a month back for you... she was so scared too, but you know what? She broke out her handy dandy brass balls and took a step forward and said something and ended up eating dirt for it. She's listened about all those 'girls' breaking your heart, about them throwing you aside for something they thought was better but weren't even close and yet she stood up and said she liked you for the crazy ass you are and did it mean a damn thing? No, it didn't because I guess I'm not good enough for you. So I don't want to hear this waiting around bullshit anymore, about being the one on the side lines cheering that person you're secretly wishing was your own, because I've been there for years. I've watched you get treated like crap, I've been that shoulder to lean on when times get tough and all I got was the 'buddy stamp.' I was there ******, I've waited, but does it really matter? So no, I guess good things don't come to those who wait, ya just get shit on and thrown away. So who is it exactly that keeps making you feel about two inches tall? I don't know but I can tell you right now, you're the only man who has ever made me feel like a fool for standing up and telling you where my heart was. How can you play the pity card? You say you want a woman, I don't think you can handle it because you'd of had one by now instead of the moronic gals you seem to want to chase so desperately. You're always talking about the 'one who got away' but I'm here to tell you *******, you've just lost the one who would have made it all worth while. I'm done waiting, I'm done with the bullshit, I'm tired of standing on the side lines.The 'pity' card you want to play, it no longer exists, I've folded my hand and thrown the towel in. I'm done. You know, you should stop chasing the skirts that don't want you and come and get the real woman who does want you for who you are inside and out. You don't understand what it's like to watch a guy stumble over himself for someone who isn't worth it and then have them turn around and see right through you as if you weren't even there. So don't even start complaining about there not being anyone who wants you for you because, I did and still do but do you even care? You told me you didn't want to hurt me, but I'm in control of who I let my shields down for and appearently I'm just not good enough for you. You know what, I'm the best thing there ever was, will be, and you're the one missing out. You say they only dis' you because you're of a bigger stature, well honey, size don't matter, it's the heart that makes the diffrence. Where does this leave us? No clue, but I figured you'd want to know the effect your words have on someone whos been standing on the sidelines too long... It felt great to get it off my chest and tell this guy how he was making me feel about myself and him. I was told it was a little too harsh... but I'm not sure it was harsh enough!!

you ROCK, girl!

LOL, I am with HIM points up!I wish I had them brass balls sometimes!

This is a very tricky position to be in. I've been in your shoes before, and I've been in his. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to hear that a best friend has fallen for you. When that person is the one person you confide everything to and trust above all else...it can really screw with one's mind. From a guy's standpoint, sometimes we just want a best friend and to reject your closest friend in the whole world, hurts like nothing else. He probably believes since you two talked it out and chose to stay friends, times would be the same as old. He is probably used to telling you all his worries and troubles, no matter what they are. He can't force the feelings, though he should be more considerate of yours.
-Winger

Shock some sense into him

The truth can hurt but I don't think it was harsh, it was just honest.Go you!

that was SO well done sis cuddles as the others said, you totally ROCK!

It's about time Katie... I agree with all of the others, You Rock Kat!So, has he replied to your direct approach yet? I very curious if he was man enough to follow thru…

Interesting. This is the reason why I don't have best 'friends' of the opposite sex anymore. Hope everything works out though.

I had a close friend of the opposite sex when I lived in Boston, and we were really just friends. I can't say that there was never, ever any sexual tension between us, but it was no big deal. She was a nurse, so she provided a great way to meet women. Also, I introduced her to a friend of mine. They did go out for a year (I thought they'd get married), and they still keep in touch. It was fun to hang out with them when they were together.But I digress. It can be done, although it's not completely risk-free.

Also, it has been said:In reply to:[A]s I have said from experiance so many times before, friendships where no sex is involved tend to endure far longer than relationships where sex is involved.In situations like this the question is- what would you rather have, a long tem friendship, or a (relatively) short term sex relationship? Both seem necessary for obvious reasons, but only one is priceless.

His first responce was... I see I was not clear in my communications before. My eloquince failed me. I am not looking for a serious partner right now. No. For you see, I have rarely ever actually dated. I have always seemed to be thrown into the path of a relationship. I do not want a one night stand. See, I want to just have a little fun and get out a bit. I do not have any particular person in mind in my last blog. I simply was curious of what kind of response I would get if I saw someone in a book store or perhaps in a restaurant and was interested in taking them to a movie or something along those lines. I know that my heart has turned cold and emotionless lately, for I have had it broken many a time by getting to attached. When the right one to actually settle down comes along I will know it I feel. Yet, I do not want to have any regrets about not experiencing what else is out in this ever narrowing world. I have had many people ask me constantly who this mysterious girl must be for me to get riled up. No one in particular. So if you all do not believe me, well then, that is your loss and your mind to wreck. Now, hes burning up my cell trying to get in touch with me... he's called me three times in the space of an hour wanting to talk... I answered once and basically listend to him tell me how he was doing laundry at a friends and I told him I had to cut the conversation short (even though the conversation was so exciting) because I was at work. Well shortly after that he calls me again and I let it go to voice mail... he was only calling to tell me he was at home... and the third was to ask if I wanted to ride with him to the store... he's driving me up the wall!!

Ugh. Sounds like he is a confused soul! "not looking for a serious partner" and "When the right one to actually settle down comes along I will know it I feel"Doesn't seem like he got a BIT of what you had to say to him. I guess your words helped YOU get some of it off your chest. So is he looking for a fling? And your not it? or is he looking for a partner? And your still not it? or does he even get what you said to him! head swimming I am confused!

Yes....she has. He was offering a ride to the store...

one of my closest friends is a former lover. we haven't made the naked pretzel in 12 1/2 years (just before I settled down with the 'tard)

I have tasted a bit of all of it...Some people can just handle different stuff.

I have a number of friends that I accidentally fell into bed with over the years. I was lucky that nothing ever went sour.

Yeah, it can. Very easily!!

@ Rad- Yes, I've known him since I was a 14. He was the senior football player who always gave me (the nerdy freshman) a hard time during IPC just for the heck of it. We've been friends for years... so yeah, you can say we kind of know each other... It's all very confusing to me... I have a few very good friends I've been in relationships with before and yet we're still friends today, including my ex-fiancee who I'm very chummy with, although I have to say his boyfriend is an ass. I've even had a drunken one night stand with a friend for goodness sake and we joke about it to this day! I've had plenty of friendships where feelings were nothing more than platonic. But this is confusing the hell out of me...It's just this is one of those situations were I'm completely out of my element... he says one thing and then does another and I don't think it's fair to me to have to be subjected to that sort of thing. I understand that he doesn't seem to get where I was comming from, he said he thought he explained it to me, but he never once told me what was actually going on inside that jumbled up head of his when I decided to drop the "I like you more than a friend" bomb on him. One minute I'm pouring my heart out to him and he tells me this will make us better friends and we'll get through it and the next he's wanting to talk to me about all his failded attepmts at relationships, or his ex-girlfriend (which btw is a favorite subject of his) and all this other non-sense about how he just wants to get someone to take him as he is and he expects me not to feel two inches tall and feel like I'm not good enough? That I'm not worth the risk? How could he not possibly see that by telling me all these things about this and that and yet it's not going to have an effect on me? I can't just shut my emotions off because apparently I didn't come equipped with that botton, believe me, I've checked for the damn thing! So, yes, I explained things to him because I was angry and I still am and still he doesn't get it. I single handedly fucked up another friendship... three cheers for me!!I'd like to try and salvage whats left of the friendship but not right now because right now I don't think I could handle another attempt at trying to work things out with yet another person in my life who never hears a word I have to say.

Well, Kat, in his head nothing has changed. You haven't screwed up antother friendship. You just changed YOUR perception. It doesn't seem like the relationship has to be any different than it was before. The difference is, that now you have voiced your wishes. You had those wishes before you told him. I know it is harder now that he knows, to watch him make a fool of himself, but it isn't him who has changed honey, its you.Either take a deep breath, and let it subside, back to it's OLD self, or get on with it and write him off. He obviously doesn't want you as a girl friend. At least not right now, however he does still trust you as a friend, just like always. So though it is tough to watch (feel) there is still a chance of keeping him around like he always has been...as a friend.Hard spot luv, but you will get through it.hugs