What should I do!?

---

Alright... first let me start off by saying this.... I am 100% straight, and a devout Christian. I'm 17. But here is the problem... and I feel for a horrible person even for THINKING this:For a long time now I've felt this attraction to my cousin (female, 15). I am always in conflict with myself over this because I've always been raised to believe this kind of thing is bad, wrong, I shouldn't even think about this stuff... And I feel HORRIBLE about this, because it's like I shouldn't be thinking this and I'm in conflict with myself about it but I still do! What should I do? I don't want to tell anyone (especially my family!) because I'm afraid how they'll see me after this, what they'll say to me, etc. My main question is, what the h*ll should I do!?!? I'm beating myself up for having these feelings, but I feel like I can't help it aaah!!! Any advice is GREATLY appreciated!

Welcome to AfraidToAsk, DragonShade44.Prohibitions on relations with cousins seems to be an American cultural thing, rather than religious - there is no prohibition of it in the Bible, and in Europe marriages between first cousins have not been uncommon. However, because there is a strong cultural aversion in the US, it is not really open to you. (I'm assuming you are living in the US.)Attractions to people who are off-limits are actually quite common and normal. People who are married feel attractions to other people who are not their spouses, for example. It doesn't mean you are bad, or there is something wrong with you. You can't really stop your feelings - what you have control over is what you do with them, how you act. So stop beating yourself up, and accept that you have these attractions but may not act on them.

Yeah I am living in the U.S., forgot to mention that. And I understand what you said about attraction to people who are offlimits being common, but this seems like more than just some common thing, and has been ongoing for me.. The thing that's hard is having these feelings but not being able to act on them because of the common American culture, and my family being so against something like this :-/.

Yes, it's always hard. :frowning:

Is this a cousin related to you through marriage or is she blood related?For every action there is a consequence. Will you express your feelings toward her or will you keep it within yourself?If you choose to express your feelings, what do you risk and hope to gain? Possibly being alienated by your family? Gaining a new love? Or maybe, being alienated by your family and just weirding out a cousin? Or maybe, your family will be okay with it (you know your family better than any of us on these boards, I think) and you will gain a new love.If you choose to not express your feelings, what do you risk and what do you hope to gain? Will your family not find out about your feelings? Will your cousin never find out? Will you have inner conflict for the rest of your life or will you find peace in your silence?There are a million questions you can ask yourself. You can analyze it and break it down. You can try to weigh your consquences and see what seems best for you.My advice toward this situation is it's better to keep this feeling to yourself. Be kind to your cousin and treat her as you may like her, if she decides to return what you put out, then think about it further. Know that having a relationship with your blood cousin is bad if you decide to have children.In my opinion, the negative outweigh the positive. Perhaps you need to deal with your desire internally and sort it out. There are many fish in the sea.

"there is no prohibition of it in the Bible"I'm not a religious freak, just a smartass...therefore:The following is a list of sections in the bible speaking to the subject of incest.Levicitus. 18:6-18, 20:11, 12, 14, 17, 19-21; Deut. 22:30

Incest if she's a blood cousin.

Not one of those passages prohibits sex with cousins. Lev 18:6 speaks of "close relatives", but it's clear from the list that follows that a cousin is not considered a close relative.Marriage with cousins is mentioned in Numbers 36:11 and 1 Chronicles 23:22 without condemnation.

Originally Posted By: websexinfoBe kind to your cousin and treat her as you may like her, if she decides to return what you put out, then think about it further. I think I'm going to keep it to myself for now, and do as this quote says and then see what happens, and think about things further. For some reason to me this doesn't seem like one of those things I can try to get rid of and not think about, whether that's good or bad. Guess I'll see what happens and think about it more.Thanks for the replies, they definitely helped. But right now I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep it to myself, at least for the meantime, be nice to her as though I like her, see what she does/says, maybe search around for some more advice and sources.Thanks.

Well.. I think its normal to be attracted to your cousin.. but it wouldnt be if you pursued it. I definetly grew up and thought some of my cousins were good looking.. but most people I know have felt the same way about their cousins!

Originally Posted By: pinkranger4Well.. I think its normal to be attracted to your cousin.. but it wouldnt be if you pursued it. I definetly grew up and thought some of my cousins were good looking.. but most people I know have felt the same way about their cousins! You don't think it would be normal if I pursued it? Well, I agree that it wouldn't be "normal," but what if normal doesn't make me happy? What I mean is, how you're saying that most people have felt that their cousins are attractive, but it's more than that for me. It seems like I'm attracted to her for a lot more reasons than just what she looks like. In fact, that isn't even one of the major reasons (though I'm not saying she isn't cute). It just seems like for me it's more than one of those normal situations in which I think my cousin is physically attractive, but find her attractive in so many other ways. I know it wouldn't be "normal," and that many people (mainly those in the U.S. with strong upbringings against this kind of thing) would see this as wrong or a bad thing; but the fact is, I think I'm genuinely attracted to her and right now I think I should just look into things more, maybe see somehow how she feels without openly saying anything, finding about the family's views and such. I'm pretty sure my family is against this kind of stuff, or at least more-so her parents than mine.Although I disagree with you, thanks for the input. It definitely helps me figure out exactly where I stand and how I look at this; as does everyones' resposes.

You haven't answered an important question here. Is she your blood cousin or cousin through marriage?

It would be wrong to make advances on your cousin. You think your parents or her parents would approve?

Blood.And why would it be wrong? Because our society in this country today doesn't accept this, or because you and I have a different view on this? No offense, but I think that if God doesn't denounce it, and I find nothing wrong with it according to the bible, it isn't wrong. Her parents wouldn't approve, and as for my parents, I'm not sure, they might not mind as much. At least not if I explained it to them.

From what I've understood, birth defects are higher in someone you are blood related to. That would be my dilemma on the matter.If she has feeling for you (in that way), and you have feeling for her (in that way), and you're sure about it then talk to her about it.Until this simple fact is known, there is no reason to worry about it.

Originally Posted By: websexinfo

If she has feeling for you (in that way), and you have feeling for her (in that way), and you're sure about it then talk to her about it.

Until this simple fact is known, there is no reason to worry about it.

Well, what would one suggest I do in order to find out if she feels the same way about me without, well, divulging that I feel that way about her? I mean, I don't want to talk to her about it if I'm unsure how she feels (about me, or about this kind of relationship).

Treat her as if she were any other girl that you just like. Unless you very bold with girls naturally, then be more discreet.

Well that shouldn't be much of a problem, as I'm a chicken and when I like someone they usually find out through their friends for me :-/. But I'll definitely have no problem being discreet about it. We've always gotten along well so I don't see how I'd have a problem.

And if she does not have the same feelings for you, will you have a problem with it?

Originally Posted By: websexinfoAnd if she does not have the same feelings for you, will you have a problem with it? I guess I'd get over it. I mean, I've been turned down by plenty of other girls. -_-