Well...I'll try to keep this post brief (Not something I'm quite good at) I'll try to break them down into point-paragraphsSummeryI'm a 22 year old, college educated male, back in January, my GF of nearly 4 years broke up...nothing messy; but we both saw it dying for about 3 months prior to. I can explain further if asked...otherwise, I'll keep it brief.The breakupAt the time of the breakup she said she needed some time to herself (She honestly did...once again, keeping it brief) so I told her that in three months time (Around April of this year, then) she should contact me to let me know if she is interested in continuing our relationship or not. I'm a cynic and a pessimist (I think I have a Pessimist Club card, lol) so I've had increasing doubts that she will return. PLOT CHANGE: The dating beginsSo, just last week, for shits and giggles; I went out on a date with a girl who is equally insane as I am, enjoys the same things, says similar stuff etc etc, I had a great time and we were both really at-ease. However, I've been feeling this incredible shame as though I'm cheating on my WIFE or something here...even though I'm broken up from my ex GF. FearI almost fear falling in love with this girl; not only because I could get hurt again, but because what if my ex does want to get back together? Do I just dispose of the 'new' one to try and rekindle something, or do I ignore the 'old' one and try to make a new life with someone else?To be honest:Frankly speaking, I cannot stand being alone for a three month period (at the LEAST), I need companionship, and also (frankly) sexual activity too (I don't have the urge to do one-night stands) so I'm stuck between these two options; be alone for 3 months (at the least, again) guaranteed, or start fresh and face some VERY tough decisions if/when the time comes. There is another complication too; which I'll make a new post for (It's a can of worms)
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Guilt, shame, happiness: Trifecta of a situation.
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I say forget the ex and move on. It's her loss, not yours.Don't sacrifice your happiness for a "possibility" that she might even talk to you.You could be throwing away an opportunity for something which could end up way better than what you had with your ex.At least keep seeing her. Maybe things wont work out and maybe your ex decides to get in contact with you.I think it would be a tremendous waste to lose this new girl in favour of a maybe.Plus in my experiences, getting back together with exes is bad news all over. It may work for a month or even two, but it wont last.Don't throw it away!
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i agree with the guy above
move on
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There is no need for you to feel guilty. She let you go, and even though you might get back together doesnt mean you haev to stop living.She isnt your wife so its not like you have to tell her whats going on, and honestly, if she was willing to let you go for he rown personal time,then you should let her go.im trying not to sound harsh but at this point there isnt a relationship between you,and you could have soemthing great with this new girl.If the three months passes and she does want to get back together then the ball is in your court.You'll have to evaluate the relationship with your new girl and the old one you had with your ex.Sorry if I was harsh, I wasnt meaning to be.
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No offense taken, trust me.These are all valid points. At the point in time, the relationship with this girl is barely in its infancy.My other fears too are that I won't be around for EITHER of them; I'm nearing the end of my schooling and my employment options have just begun to blossom...jobs that may require me to move anywhere across Ontario, and possibly anywhere in Canada. They are literally the stepping stones to my hopes of becoming a probation/parole officer; so I won't pass it up. I've given up a lot of opportunities to pursue adventures and careers because of my insecurity of leaving a girl that I loved.Also, although I'd rather like to deny it; I'm still not totally detached from my ex....that is to say I'm not over the period of mourning yet. I figured a month was plenty long, but I just don't feel motivated, I'm not ready to move on.I feel guilty too because I fear that I may lead this new girl on; and if my heart can't adapt, then I'll end up hurting an innocent person.Personally, in my 22 years on this earth, this whole thing has caused me the greatest pain and confusion I've ever felt (This is coming from a guy who has been very close to death on numerous occasions) Frankly I'm torn between 'what-ifs' and possibilities to come.
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"I went out on a date with a girl who is equally insane as I am, enjoys the same things, says similar stuff etc etc, I had a great time and we were both really at-ease. "Sounds like you've got yourself a soul-mate
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Granted, I liked the first impression; but that doesn't mean too much. Hell, the first half-year of dating is each partner on their best behaviour with each other; I've been through that shit once...I'm sure others can back me up on this one, lol.There are still complications though; mainly her having a pet (which I am deathly allergic too) so I'm facing the fact that I can pretty much never spend time at her place. Actually was a contributing factor to the demise of my last relationship. My ex got a cat THREE YEARS into our relationship. I guess seeing me dying from asthma attacks wasn't enough to convince her that I'm allergic to certain things, lol.There is no compromise or alternative to that health issue; I just cannot spend extended periods of time around fury or feathered critters. This is a MASSIVE factor in my relationships (One which I hate beyond belief)But then I still want to continue to pursue the relationship; perhaps I'm stupidly greedy? Maybe more dependent on a woman that I thought? Eh...who knows.