If you read my post in the relationship forums then you know exactly why, but for those who have not, I recently had a falling out with my Best Friend, we did some things I definitely regret doing now and It just tears me apart that we haven't talked sense it happened. Iv'e never really contemplated suicide until now, I don't think i will actually be able to do it, but just the fact that it enters my mind scares me. I have scratches on my hands and people are asking if im cutting myself, i tell them no, but then in my mind i start to think about doing it, im so scared and depressed, im just not in stable state of mind right now.
Im so devastated right now
I'm very sorry it's been so awkward and difficult. However I think when you look back years later you won't feel bad about what you did. Things change and relationships and friendships change. If they stayed the same they would stagnate and become stale and flat. Let old structures be demolished so new ones can be built.
Not to sound like a jerk or anything but you need help. fast!. I have been in and out of mental hospitals through out my teen life because of suicide attempts. I suggest you talk to someone you have complete and total trust in and explain to them your feelings. you may not want to cause harm to yourself but it's better to play it safe. so please talk to to someone, I cannot bear to see anyone suffer what I went through even if I don't know them.