4 the parents....thoughts

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I couldn’t make my mind up on if this was general, relations or depression…….. I guess it fit best here cuz of it’s to do with relationship with my parents even tho it’s not really about t our relationship. ..but then I guess it is. Grrr I dk.. I don’t want to make this long or go into any kind of detail… I ust like some thoughts on wut u think. Had another bad morning. didn’t go to classes. Was up waiting when my mom got up this morning. (I been up since after 5:30..not sure exact time. Didn’t look I just know it was b4 mom got up and she is up around 6.) anyway she came and sat down by me and I broke down. She tried to help by talking to me but she only made it worse. Not that she was saying nothing bad cuz she wasn’t …it was just.. I put them threw hell and she’s trying. I dk how to put this…. See there is something I haven’t told them cuz I don’t want them to see me in that way. I dk how they see me. I see me as a dirty bustard (witch was y wut she was trying to do was making me feel worse) but I dk wut they see.. I dk wut my gf even see in me (not talking bout looks here! I think all she likes me is that.) not talking bout her tho ..talking bout my parents. Mainly my mom. Me and my dad have ups and downs… not as close as me and my mom are. But this thing I Haven’t told them (ive told 3people.. Paul knows, my old therapist was trying to help me threw this when F*n Katrina came ……haven’t seen him since the bitch storm. And I think I might have said something to pete.. It’s not something I talk about really.) my therapist I see know don’t know. He really don’t know half the shit my old one knew about. (had a kinda long chat with wally about some things.. My therapist now was one of them.. me thinking of leaving the forum and acupuncture ..dk about that acupuncture thing know tho.. Sounded good till I think it triggered some shit. But I don’t want to …nvm.. Not about that. It’s about my parents…. I don’t want to tell them . I don’t want them to see me as the dirty bustard I am. I don’t want to put them threw more shit than I already am. This really isn’t about that, telling them about the something I don’t want them to know.. And letting them think different. ALL for there good! AllAll that is for there good. So.. here’s the thing I want some thoughts on (by u parents) If u were trying to make ur son / daughter feel better but it wasn’t working would u want them to tell u or just to not tell u for ur own good. It’s more of like I’d rather her not feel bad so I’m not telling her I’d rather her just sit there and not talk than to talk and try to make it better when it’s only making worse. Don’t get me wrong I do like talking with her about some things… some things I don’t cuz I don’t want to put her threw it. Just this morning I didn’t want to hear it. Really when I hear anyone tell me it will get better and tomorrow is another day bla bla bla… I just want to tell them to stop bullshitting me. I want ever do that tho cuz I don’t like hurting people’s feelings. (specially my mom) All I have is my view…. I’d like to see wut some parents would think…like a parents view. Am I doing the right thing… trying not to put her / them threw any more than I already have? Now I’m going to do wut she suggested.. To go lay down and try to rest. Honestly tho.. I hear thunder ..bad weathers coming in again I don’t do well with bad storms.. .. nvmi didn't relise how long it was till i posted it... so much for keeping it short...

I'm a little confused since I know what happened a few years back. Paul and I talked about it before he did anything. I don't understand how your mother doesn't know, but this may be about something else that I don't know about.All I can tell you is that all that happened to you was not your fault. You can't blame yourself.As a parent though, it's hard to understand what is going on with your kid, if they don't tell you everything that is bothering them. Maybe it would help if she knew what the real problem was.

Well, speaking as a mother....I would want to know. I would want to help in any way I possibly could. As a parent, it is my 'job' to worry and to be responsible for my kids.

Gosh Caleb, you are not even my kid and I wish I could make all your pain and problems go away. I am sure your mother feels the same way. I think she wants to help you, and I think you should let her.

And you are not a dirty bastard...you are a loving, smart, and talented young man.

i have to echo lisa totally.......as a mom i would want to know everything, it would help me understand and help my son through it all......i can't understand if i don't know........you're a great guy hon, and im sure your mom would be upset FOR you, not with you but want to know.....i would honey.....as lisa said its OUR job to worry not your job to worry about your parents.....

First off, when a parent has children, it is an extension of them self. They will do what ever they can to fix or help their kids. I know your parents are like that. I KNOW they love you. If it is what I think it is, you should talk to your mom. Yeah, it is going to hurt her a bit too, but she IS AN ADULT. She loves you, and she is going to do the best she knows how to help you.If your breaking down, and falling apart, and she doesn't know why, she can't help you. I can talk to you on MSN until my fingers fall off, but your mom, dad, therapist and the people around you are the ones that can TRULY help. They are the ones there for the moment to moment stuff. We are here for you the best we can be, but they are there every moment. As Helms said, you are a victim, your NOT dirty! You have every right in the world to feel violated, and hurt, but your a wonderful person. YOU did NOTHING wrong. You might feel like you did, by not telling the whole story, but you went (are going through) some scary shit! No one REALLY knows what to do in times like that. You did good. But if this other thing is eating you alive, it is time to get it out so you can deal with it.Do you realize, it means your healing? That you are getting some of it behind you, so that there is room to deal with this next part? The time we have spent, I truly believe that this is what is happening. There are still some tough times, but one step at a time hon.We have talked about mine, and how long it took me, and I still have moments, but it has gotten better, yours will too.Remember, there are a lot of us who DO care a lot about you. hugs

You dont want to get into details, with out those details its harder to makea judgment call and give critical advice.
SO speakking generally Ill tell you this.
I love my kids, I dont give a fuck what they do or how they are I love them.
If they turn out to be gay, if they end up spending time in jail or prison, car thiefs, horse thiefs, fucking rapist, Just because I dont agree withthier actions and decisions doesnt mean I dont love them. Me and my boys have a very open relationship, I promised long ago I wouldnt lie to them, that they could tell me anything and Id tell them the truth. Because of this they got a sex education earlier than thier piers, since taking sex ed in school, they have questions that they ask me and cant get accurate answers instead of what ever bullshit is passed around on the school campus. No matter what the question has been I give an honest answer. We have been through lots of shit, drinking, smoking, and settled that shit and I dont think tey are engaging in that activities after the questions they had and sittind gown with them I let them have a smoke and a drink, but they had to smoke and drink what I smoke and drink. Kids dont like ciggys, its a learned addiction, 2 puffs that they actually enhaled ended that shit, one shot of vodka straight ended thier wanting to drink. Iv been there to bail them out of what ever has happened be it bullys, injurys, or adults that fucked with them. Once a few years abck, they were playing outside at my moms and some asshole told them they needed to shut the fuck up and be quit they were not allowed to be there. They came and told me and we went door to door withthem in tow asking if this was the fucker who told them that. It took many condos and we didnt find the fuck head but after that when someone saw them noone at those condos fucked with them again. If someone was to hurt them they know Id fucking kill them. A principal at the elementary school several years ago gave my son a shot (diabetic) had no idea what he was doing and had no reason to do anything outside of calling my cell to tell me he was high and needed insulin. My son watched me pull that principal over his desk and bea tthe fuck out of him and the two teachers that came into the office to stop it. The fucking idiot nearly killed my son as 2 hours later he dropped and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance and given glucose by IV. I prolly should of sued, but I got my point acrost, he got broken bones and some nice scars on his face. It was settled I didnt sue and he didnt press charges, Iv never had another problem with any teachers or principals since thats in his record and follows him from school to school. Iv gone to talk to the other sprincipal about a fight and ended up beating his ass in his office, one teacher hit my sona nd I went first to the principal and talked and told them I wouldnt stop at the office next time. a week later I was in that same teachers class room and beat him toa bloody pulp in front of his class. I love my kids, Id risk anything for them and to keep them safe and to stop someone from fucking with them. Id bet my nut sack your parents are the same way. They cant make any better guess as to what to say to help you than we can since they dont knwo the exact problem either.
Tonight sit yuor ass down, tell them you need to talk to them alone and spill what ever it is thats happened. I bet they start making an effort to correct it. My kids know they can tell me anything and it will be dealt with swiftly, I nearly know for certain that its the same in your house. Its a two way street, its communication, they cant help if they dont knwo and I swear to you they WANT to know. A parents job is to rais a child to be abetter person and more successful than the parent was, they want whats best for you, and tey cant get to the problem and eliminate it if they dont know what it is or even that it exists.
Whatever the problem is, pull them aside, tell them, fill them in on it. Let them be able to help you deal with it.
As a parent myself Im swearig to you they wont love you less and they do want to know.

Hey buddy. Im sorry to hear your having so much trouble man, Im here for you. Drop me a line and let me know whats going on.I have two teenagers. 16 and 17 (16 months apart) so, from a parents prospective, I would want to know everything. I am unable to help you if I don’t have all of the facts or understand the whole problem.My daughter tells me everything, sometimes its a little too much for me to understand all at one time, but we work thru her problems. My son on the other hand is like you in many ways. He keeps many things to himself. He only tells me what he wants me to know or thinks I should know. Mostly, if he thinks the information will upset me, He tends not to tell it to me. If he feels the information will make him look bad in my eyes, He keeps that from me. What he doesn’t realize is without the entire picture, I am unable to effectively help him thru it or guide him in a certain direction. I have unconditional love for my kids. I hope I have raised them well enough to know that no matter what it is, if they come to me with the problem, well work it out together. They only get into trouble when I find out from others (i.e.: like the school, other parents, and other people… whatever. If they come to me first, there is a less likely chance I will pass out severe punishment for their actions.If I dont know what is really going on inside their heads and in their lives, I cant effectively help them. My job as a parent is to help them and get them prepared for living on their own. If they have a problem and they are trying to deal with it on their own but it is not working, Hopefully, I have the knowledge and experience to help them resolve the problem As a family I am here for them and will do whatever I can within my ability to make sure things go well for them as they grow up.I think you need to make them aware of your problem and as a family; it can be addressed and resolved. Youre too young to be dealing with that on your own. Your parents love you. If they know the whole story, you get more help rather than the blowing smoke or sunshine up your ass.Im here if you need me buddy. Drop me a PM and let me know whats going on.

It's odd, CR - parents protect their children from things they think they are too young to know, and their children protect them from things they think they are too old to know. In both cases the people they think they are protecting can nearly always handle it fine.Your parents want to know, even if the knowledge is painful or difficult to accept, because they want to do a better job at being parents. If your mother, through ignorance, says things that in fact hurt you, she will be a better mother if she knows not to do that.It's different, however, if it's a matter of protecting yourself. We don't have to tell other people everything, and especially not if we think they will take it the wrong way. That can happen, and you'll have to judge how they would take it.One thing I am sure about, and that is that you don't see yourself accurately. You see normal hormonal drives as making you dirty, but they don't; and you don't see all the good things, the kindness and sweet nature and all, that other people see in you. That's what your gf loves you for especially.

You dont want to get into details, with out those details its harder to makea judgment call and give critical adviceit's not a question i have to ask .. it;s more of tellign her somthing. not good on my part either. (at least in my view)i'm scared of detils.. i mean saying them. i mean i dk ow others will take it. way back when i first came and got pissed at some one and let it fly out.. i know wut i was called...and i knwo paul was sent to "check me out"... if i hadn;t lived it i;d say i was bsing too. the other thing i'm scared of is IF i say the detils then i dk how i'd viewd. right now i like being viewd as a "nice young man" but it change and u'd all see i'm wut i said.. filty.i see alot on her and how peopel are treated.. don;t make it any easer to say. the thing involves the thing i swas talking about above.. and my parents know abotu that. SPD.. they know every thing. (well exept this thing) (i have a feelign know about this too..) but i dk. it has been a off and on thing of tryign to think wut to do. it had left for a while but came back in my head after wut happend this morning. i dk wut paul told u spd.. i know i've told him things and he;s whent behind my back and told ryan and even my mom. i know it was for my safty tho.

They say the devils in teh details, and I knwo what they mean....What I think is that your not giving your parents enough credit for loving you. I understand it, I lived it at one point in my life, your not any different than anyone was in thier wasted youth.I may be able to give better advice if I knew what the problem was, I may not, someone here cartainly would be able to relate something to it though and offer something that can help.Ultimatley you have to make the decision as far as what comes out and what doesnt for public speculation. Ther is alot of shit I COULD post on these forums that I keep to myself, I understand why ther is shit you wouldnt want to say.Do consider one thing though, the most important person to consider in thinking about how your viewed is yourself. you seem to have an altered percetion of what and who you really are. Dont trust us, dont let the secret out on the forums. but for fuck sakes talk to someone. If I was in your shoes Id make it my parents, If I thougth it was something they would be disapointed in me in because of some actions I took then maybe Id tell it to my therapist. You had told the old one, the bitch storm ended that, tell it to the new one.One important thing to remember in it all is that your not the only one who has ever dealt with what ever it is, others have dealt with the exact same shit before you and got through it. There is no original problem left to have anymore, everything you deal with someone has been there before and made it through.

the thing is i don;t want my parents worring about me or hurting cuz of me. i think the'd be better off wiht out me.
my parents know somethings that iwas scared to say but i knew i had to na dit's somthign that would upset any dad ...bad. well maybe not any...but most but i watched them cry cuz of it. but htis thing is different... i did this it wasn;t done to me. (tho i know some of u that knwo wut i'm talkign abotu will disugree with me) there is only two things that come from me tellign them (and it;s not somthing that they can really help with ..i don;t think.. ) it's just the'll either see me as i am and hurt more OR they'll see me like u that know wuts goign on see me and they'll still hurt. BUT on the good side of it.... if i tell them then i want be hidding nothign from them anymore and it wsill stop commign up. i dk y it keeps comming up. i think this thing that i started made the bad after things happen to me. and i knwo that al u that i been talkign to think it woulda happend anyway... but i think it takes one thing to make a nother thing happend and another to another and so on... (liek that post i made a while back abotu things makign other things happend.. liek A made B happen and B made C happen... )
i think by wut i have read and talked abotu so far .. my parents would liek to know. i mean it didnt; change paul or pete's views of me there jsut in denile that i'm not as i say..... i have decided i'm goign to tell her i don't alwasy need her to say things to me.... u know i don;t want to heur her feelings but sometimes i do just not want to hear it. but i don;t want her to stop trying to talk to me for when i need her too... i dk.. maybe we can come up with some kinda of word or somehting or maybe she can liek give me premission to tell her when i just want it quite....... i dk..
Quote:
They say the devils in teh details, and I knwo what they mean....
Paul and Ryan put the devil's helper behind bars but the devil's helper's spirit still is in my home.
thanks every one
anyone know any doctors that do brain trasnplants.......

You sound very depressed and you haven't seen a therapist since Katrina. You need to talk to someone in person who can be objective (in other words, someone besides family and friends).You really need to see a therapist, whether it's your old one or a new one. Do your parents understand how depressed you are?Edit: If I misunderstood and you are seeing someone, I apologize.

Quote:i think the'd be better off wiht out me.No parent would think that, least of all those two lucky enough to have you as their son.Quote:there jsut in denileWhen you don't agree with someone, you can always say they are in denial.

What you did DID NOT lead to what happened. What happened, led to what you did. What happened happened first, and continued after you did what your feeling guilty about.

I wish I wouldn't have been such a mess last night, I would have talked it over with you more...and puppy talk too..she is getting cuter by the day!

I will tell you over and over that you did nothing wrong, you did what you knew under the circumstances. All Pete, Paul, me and everyone else want is for you to get stronger...again, I say you ARE strong, Look at what you have survived...but let your mom help. She can.

I also think a password kind of thing would be a great idea, that way, if you just needed a hug, but not the talking, you could get it, with out feeling like your shoving your mom off. Talking to her while your feeling better about what the key word would be, is best.

He's seeing someone. It's a new person, so I think he's having to start all over again, which sucks.

i see him weekly. i just.. at first he seemed cool but now he's been pissing me of latley. been seeing him like a maybe a year... yea my parents know. there keeping me alive. i mean that literly too.. she's worried cuz i;m not eatign again and my gf is callign me for past days since F*n storm started all thsi shit.. and i finally told her to come over today ..she don;t ge tit that i don;t want her seeing me like this... but any way she;s here now but not in here . she;s riding horses wiht my mom and sis. i jsut got out the shower one thisn g bout the shower is i stand under the water and let it fall on my face..gets all red and cat tell i been cring .......but i Think my mom's cought on to that trick.

Quote:puppy talk too..she is getting cuter by the day!lol yea.. heather said her whoel two spots on her were gettign bigger. lol i picked at her abotu the pup being white and she was liek tellign me her spots places and i told her her spots were hidden spots. lol i dk.. talkign bout animlas relaxes me a bet..... Quote: It's a new person, so I think he's having to start all over again, which sucks. yea... i don;t liek this startign over shit. its; like when somthing happends liek say the dream i had ..i told him about it but he like i told him and he like pushed it away. and was askign me more about the flash back. i under stand wut like people (i don;t have to name name u all knwo who u r) were saying about how he needs to knwo the wut he don;t knwo to figure it out to help me or wutever. but i understand y i had the flash backs.. the bith want leave me a lone ......(aka get out of my FN head!!) BUT i don;t get the fn nightmares...(btw.. if it happends in the day is it still a night mare??) i'm gettign fustrated with him cuz he's makign me talk abotu wut i don;t want too... and brushing off wut i want too. liek the dream thing. ad hten there is liek the drawing .. he askes me to bring it in and then i get the questions.. why did u chose to draw this and that way and bla bla.. i just fuckign drew the thing shit!! (acorse i'm not goign to tell him that)

Quote:she don;t ge tit that i don;t want her seeing me like thisI'm the exact same way. My boyfriend or my family doesn't understand why I don't want to talk or anything like that when I'm depressed. I just stay to myself and don't talk much. My sister thinks I have an attitude when I'm like that, but I don't even say anything to her. Quote:i stand under the water and let it fall on my face..gets all red and cat tell i been cringMaybe I should try that....

Originally Posted By: PepsiChaserWhat you did DID NOT lead to what happened. What happened, led to what you did. What happened happened first, and continued after you did what your feeling guilty about.Wow Pepsi. I actually understood that. lolCR, It sounds like you just need some personal time to sort out what is the best solution for you. I understand how parents can be smothering when they want to help their kids. I'm sure I fall into that category sometimes myself. I'm sorry, it's just what parents do. Maybe, you just need to set everyone straight and tell everyone what it is YOU need from THEM to make things right in your won mind, for you. Think about it.What happened happened. What you did was what anyone else would have done if what happened to you happened to them. I think you handled what happened to you and them very well considering what happened. I know it will never go away. It will be with you for the rest of your life. For that I am sorry but I think you just need to accept what happened was not your fault and you did the best you could do with what you knew and understood to be right and wrong. This shouldn't be about placing or accepting the blame for what happened. It should be more about healing and understanding that what happened to you happened and you're going to be okay. You're going to rise above this and understand that the monster is gone and it's safe to just be yourself.Buddy, It's high time you do what is right for you first and stop worrying about what you think is right for everyone else. You will get thru this!