Too nice

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Lately I have been called really nice. or even to nice all by girls. Does anyone know what I could do to not be to nice?

Welcome to A2A, chopsticks. I think "too nice" is code. It doesn't necessarily mean you are really too nice: it may mean you don't have enough assertiveness, or enough decisiveness, or enough sultry sexiness, or something like that. Perhaps you could ask some girls what they think you are lacking?

Why? Being nice is a great personality trait. Why do you wanna change that?

For two reasons Star:1) Door MatIf you are too nice, you can easily taken advantage of; you give to every charity, drive every co-worker home, give money to every begger etc etc. People who are too nice WILL be taken advantage of, and when they finally wise up that they've been used like a piece of toilet paper, they over-react and become rather bitter versions of their former selves.2) WeaknessThis relates heavily to the above, if you are too nice, it can translate into weakness (This has already been discussed)

Thanks for the help. The reason I want to change is basically the reasons Hawk listed.

toughen up! if someone asks you something and you REALLLLLY don't want to do it, say no. actually I can't help with advice either because I'm too nice myself. the nice people alway get trampled on, used up, and thrown away like a used tissue. trust me I know. seems like not being nice is better.

I've done extensive research in this field and can offer some advice.First things first, don't be a puss-bag.People in this thread have already mentioned this, but don't let people walk all over you.Once you have sorted yourself out and can be dominant by yourself, then it's time to start being a cock to girls.Girls - you can berate me all you like on this, but you know damned well that you like to be treated like ass every now and then.So, the advice - don't give a rats ass about them. For example, when I was with my second to last girlfriend, I'd bend over backwards to do stuff with her. If she wanted me to do something, I'd do it no questions asked.This meant she had nothing to do and got bored of me being a sap. She left me.I haven't really seen her in like 3 years, but tonight I went out for a drink with her out of sheer morbid curiosity. Aside from her having grown up quite a lot, I was generally uncaring.Back in the olden days, guys would offer their coats to girls if they look cold. We're in the 21st century here. That crap is sad!She was blatantly cold. What did I do? I said "You look cold." she replied with "yeah I'm freezing". My response? Nothing.When I dropped her home, normally I'd get out and walk her to the door whilst saying what a lovely evening I'd had.This time I just said "Bye" and let her get out by herself.Her response? She asked ME out for a drink and said she'd pay. My response to that? "fine. see ya."The idea is to make it seem like you don't give two rodent testicles about what she thinks or feels. Don't ask me why it is, but it works so much better than being mr helpful.Haha, and the amusing and ironic thing is that girls on here will now think I'm an asshole and I'm mean and cruel - but guess what! That's exactly what they want.And the best part is I don't even want a girlfriend now. I've had enough of the crap that I've been through (probably all my fault for being too nice in the past) - and I tell you what...I'm having the best time of my life now that I'm not concerned with finding a partner. The way I see it, if they want some, I'll consider it - if not, who cares!

> That's exactly what they want.

That's what every woman wants?

Now that I read what others have posted, I understand why you don't want to be too nice. I've been there before myself. Like JapanFan said, just plant your feet firm on the ground, stand tall, and simply say no. If there is something you don't want to do, just be honest with your feelings and hopefully other people will respect you and your choice.

That's the best advice I can give you since I can't say much because I'm nice person myself. I'm usually nice to others who show me kindness and respect. When I was younger, I was too nice because I wanted to be accepted. And even in college, my colleagues and teachers say I'm so nice. But it makes me feel good because it's coming from people I know who wouldn't take advantage of my kindness.

I've learned that if I say no to someone, and if they get mad, then I know they are not the kind of people I want to do favors for. I know it's hard (at least it was for me) to start standing up for yourself and be honest with your feelings to others, but you got to start somehow. People just don't change overnight.

Originally Posted By: sadbuttrue

Girls - you can berate me all you like on this, but you know damned well that you like to be treated like ass every now and then.

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The idea is to make it seem like you don't give two rodent testicles about what she thinks or feels. Don't ask me why it is, but it works so much better than being mr helpful.

Haha, and the amusing and ironic thing is that girls on here will now think I'm an asshole and I'm mean and cruel - but guess what! That's exactly what they want.
There's a line between being too nice and being a jerk. I don't know about other women (or anyone of any gender for that matter) but I know for sure I don't like to be "treated like an ass", ever. You can't assume that every woman wants that since every person is different. I have too much respect for myself to be mistreated and if I was with someone who didn't care about what think or feel, I drop that person faster than a hot potato. I don't think your ideas are cruel or mean, I think they're just sad because no one will want to deal with you if you really do believe in those ideas.

I was also thinking this(the bottom half of what you wrote). Your advice(top half) sounds like a really good idea, also the moderators advice(forgot his name). I'll start using these this week and see how it works.

Take it from me, being 'nice' has both its great qualities and its down falls. There is nothing wrong with being labeled nice, but you really don't want to be so nice you'll get run over by anyone (I'm a great example of that). You have to learn to stand up and put your foot down if people try to trample all over you, which is something I'm working on myself. It's okay to be there for people but it isn't okay to be taken advantage of. Be more assertive, but not aggressive, demanding, or threatening. Being more assertive means that you communicate what you want in a clear manner (while respecting yourself and your thoughts) without running over the rights and feelings of others. Most people aren't assertive because they're too afraid to stand up and ask for what they want because it may be displeasing to someone else, but that can actually damage your self-esteem. Here are some tips from a site I've been looking at... hopefully it'll help you out!How Do You Become More Assertive?1. Develop a value and belief system, which allows you to assert yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be angry, to say "No," to ask for help, and to make mistakes. Avoid using tag questions. ("It's really hot today, isn't it?"), disclaimers ("I may be wrong, but..."), and question statements ("won’t you close the door?") all lessen the perceived assertiveness of speech.2. Resist giving into interruptions until you have completed your thoughts. (Instead, say - "Just a moment, I haven't finished.")3. Stop self-limiting behaviors, such as smiling too much, nodding too much, tilting your head, or dropping your eyes in response to another person's gaze.4. When saying "No," be decisive. Explain why you are refusing but don’t be overly apologetic.5. Use "I want" or "I feel" statements. Acknowledge the other person's situation or feelings followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights. E.g., "I know you're X, but I feel..."6. Use "I" language (this is especially useful for expressing negative feelings.) "I" language helps you focus your anger constructively and to be clear about your own feelings. For example:--->When you do (Behavior) --->The effects are (Results) --->I feel (Emotion) --->Remember: Stick to the first person, and avoid "you are". 7. Maintain direct eye contact, keep your posture open and relaxed, be sure your facial expression agrees with the message, and keep a level, well-modulated tone of voice.8. Listen and let people know you have heard what they said. Ask questions for clarification.9. Practice! Enlist the aid of friends and family and ask for feedback. Tackle less anxiety-evoking situations first. Build up your assertiveness muscle. Don’t get discouraged if you behave non-assertively. Figure out where you went astray and how to improve your handling of the situation next time. Reward yourself each time you've pushed yourself to be assertive regardless of whether or not you get the desired results.

sadbuttrue, that was one helluva post.

Glad you liked it, sarcastically or not

you can be nice and not a doormat. It is possible. You just have to be confident, assertive, and firm. You can still be nice though. My outlook on life right now is 'i have a lot to offer the world, and if people cant see that they're just stupid'. Just tell yourself that and reinforce it by looking at what you like of yourself. Avoid being labelled ss a 'nice guy' wimp by avoiding behavior like being goofy- try to maintain a casual demeanor (you can laugh and joke, just dont be all AHYUCKGUCKGUCK) and dont be afraid to disagree. People respond well to people with individual beliefs and opinions rather than doormats who just nod and laugh at everything they say. Dont be scared of the world- get in its face. And remember that its better to be an arrogant person and get noticed than an insignificant person who doesnt get noticed at all.

That's very well said. I would add that you can also be assertive without being arrogant.