I do not even know where to start, but I will try. I was dating this guy for almost a year and then a friend of mine tells me that he is trying to cheat on me with a friend of mine. I ignored it for the most part, but it got the best of me and I asked the boyfriend about it. He said it was all lies.So I keep on hearing things from a few different friends and finally call the friend in question. He tells me that my boyfriend has been calling him, texting him, and IMing him, trying to get with him but to keep it quiet. He even had some of the very colorful text messages and he showed them to me (and he did not seem to want to date this guy- he just wanted hook-ups)So I bring it up to boyfriend and he starts to cry and get very upset, but tells me that it was nothing. He was joking around when he said all of those things, and was trying to be friendly to get along with some of my friends better. He was really sorry it had gone down like this, he didnt mean any of it. I let it go, but I didnt forget.Then, not even a month later my boss comes up to me at work one day and tells me I should ask a certain co-worker about my boyfriend, so I do. Turns out, my boyfriend has been messaging him on some gay chat sites, on AIM and talking on the phone. My BF even sent him naughty pictures (this was not like last time, he wanted to date this guy, he didnt want just something physical). The co-worker (who was actually new, he had just started a week or two ago) swore up and down he had no idea that my boyfriend was involved- because he never said he was with anyone. He showed me the profile of my Boyfriends on the one website which was like a gay myspace, and it said he was single and looking for discreet one on one hook ups or group sex- and his photo was the one I took of him.So I bring it up casually to my boyfriend and he lies about it, completetly denies it, and then I tell him that I know he is lying and he gets very mad. He called me selfish and mean and a lot of other bad things. I break up with him. So a few days go by and he messages me and tells me he still loves me and misses me, I said it back. Then he tells me that he wants to get back together with me- but he only wants to date and not be "in a relationship", it isnt fair if I hold him back from dating other people at the same time as he is dating me. I said no way in Hell and that was that.A few more days go by and I was still pretty upset about everything, but some friends wanted to go out to a gay bar and I figured I'd go, just to get out of the house. Boyfriend (well, ex now) messages me and finds out where I am going and what I am doing that night. He says his friends has planned on going to the same bar, but wouldnt go there because it would be akward. He then asked me not to talk or flirt or hook up with any other guys (which is insane because apart from the fact that I am not that type of person, newly single or not, and that was the last thing on my mind and he also has no right to tell me what to do) because the thought of me being with someone else makes him sick and the thought of him being with someone besides me makes him just as sick. I tell him I would never do that, he tells me he still loves me a lot and misses me, and he cried himself to sleep the previous night because of it.We were there for an hour when he showed up. All of his friends came up to me throughout the night, being real nice and genuine, saying they missed me and stuff. It was cool, it was nice of them, but he totally ignored me. So I come back from the bathroom and find him making out with some strange guy right there. And not just making out- this was hardcore- groping, hands everywhere, really into it. I do not know if he noticed me or not but I left. I ran into some of his friends on the way out and they asked me why I was so upset, so I told them about evertything. And it turns out-- they had no idea about the online things or the lying and the attempted cheating- he had never mentioned that, he told them I had to break up with him because I was always jealous and didnt trust him (even though he told me that he told them the truth and the whole truth). They were shocked that he would do that but then one of the friends admitted to knowing about it, she just could not bring herself to say anything to anyone. She then admitted that they did not want to go to that bar that night- but he insisted they go there for some reason.So I go home, go to sleep and go online the next day. He sends me a long nasty message about how I ruined everything because I opened my big mouth to his friends and now they are angry with him. He blamed me for everything- saying if I were a better person and a better boyfriend, he would not have had to go out and find other people to mess around with on the side. He told me I used to make him want to hurt himself, and I would make him cry all the time. I knew it was all bull, but it still got to me and since then (about a week ago) I've just been really down.I have also recently been informed that he has a new boyfriend. In my opinion, he is using this guy, like a rebound. But still, it hurts me so much that he can just move on so quickly. I know it shouldnt get to me- he is free from me now and can do whatever he pleases but I mean, is he doing this to hurt me on purpose? I do not call him, I do not message him- I do not look at his profile or anything, I even deleted him out of my phone and off of AIM- but I still think about it non-stop.I know this is the usual sob story of heartbreak, but I've never been in a situation like this. I do not want to get back together with him- it would never, ever work out, period. But I dunno- I just wish I could know for a fact if he is trying to be mean to me on purpose to make himself feel better, or know that he feels bad at least a little bit. You know? How do I get through this?- I think I deserve closure here. I know it takes time but there has to be something I can do. Any help/suggestions?
Horrible break up
He blamed me for everything- saying if I were a better person and a better boyfriend, he would not have had to go out and find other people to mess around with on the side.
People who say things like that are best out of your life.
You're a naturally emotional person, and breaking up is emotionally difficult and painful and stressful for anyone. It's perfectly normal to grieve, and to have a lot of conflicting emotions. But what doesn't help you is to go back and pick over the history and try to analyse his present intentions. It's over. Let him go.
Very good advice from ineligableI can't add much moreMoving on and letting go is never easyEspecially when you are still in love, as I think you areIt's hard too, when try as they may, friends and family never really place our relationships on the same emotional depths as their ownJust let yourself knowI was not the wrongdooerI can do betterI WILL do betterIf I could draw a big hug I wouldGreg