Moving?

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Ok, so everyone knows, I met a really great guy. The ONLY problem we REALLY have is his ex. That is getting taken care of. We mesh on like EVERY level. We can (and do) talk about everything.

So, we have been discussing living together. I hate where I am. It is small, cramped, and it is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to have him out as often as we do. My landlord freaked the other night, because she thought I gave out the gate key. I guess I don't like having to explain my company to them, either. They're not nosy per say, but both mom and daughter live behind the gate with me, they ARE entitled to know who is here.

He is in a small apartment, in a crappy neighborhood (one I lived in before I bought my house) and wants out.

We, were discussing like end of summer moving in together, that way if kids needed to change schools, they would be doing it at the beginning of the year not midway. And we wouldn't have to spend months driving them to their old school waiting for summer to transfer them.

WELL, I found a house yesterday. It is SOOOO perfect for us. I really didn't want to move out till I was ready to buy, but this place is a really cheap rental, and compared to buying (even a lesser place with the market where we are) we would save nearly 70K over the next three years. So, it would be cheaper for us to stay where we ARE. I am rent free, and he is paying about what he would pay, if we split the rent on this house I found.

Anyway, the problem is, I am still doubting myself. I am scared that I won't be able to make my half, or that if I move off the ranch, I won't be as welcome into the real estate business, and I might not have the work here that I do now.

I know, the job stuff is a wrong perception. They love me no matter, unless I turn into a useless loser...

How, do I get over this stupid doubt? Many of you have watched me go through LOTS of shit, and I am ok. That isn't what this is about, I know I will be OK, but I REALLY don't want to screw this relationship up!

I am not doubting him. I am doubting myself holding up my end. Is that normal? Or is the doubt from being so soon? Or from not having my life turn out the way I wanted it to?

If I decide to opt out of THIS house, he will understand, but it is SO perfect. It is close enough to his work, and its close to mine, it is the right size, it allows the dogs (VERY difficult to rent with pets) it's just PERFECT, but sooner than originally planned.

Opinions would be nice. I think I am just scared cause I have been burnt so many times, and HARD!

Thanks guys

I think doubting anything new is normal.Sit down, make a list of pros and cons, set it up like a scale, what outwieghts the other?I was with Julie for a year when she moved in with me, I think, no met her in Feb, she moved in with me in Sept. now its just over 3 years later. sorta :p Febuary 29th only happens every 4 years so I guess from date to date ...Anyways, there has been times when both of us have fallen down and not helpd our share up.the last couple months have been a bastard, when I went to owning and running my own business the work was there for summer and then thanksgiving hit, and christmas and shit got lean, fucking lean work wise. People are now getting taxes back and summers coming and I have jobs set up waiting on ground thaw, and Ill be contributing my share again with in the end of the month, but shes taken care of most the bills between times. when I worked for the gov, I took care of most shit and she helped out with the phone and the electric., lately its been the other way around. a relationship thats going to last anytime at all is a give and take and trusting and knowing that your partner doesnt feel like your shitting onthem when times are harder and you cant make your share of shit.Friday Ill go down and get a license that allows me to do bigger jobs, fucking state only cares about money, the more you pay them the bigger a job you can do, by mid summer I plan on upping thta license again to the top one that lets me do million dollar contracts. Julies secure in that Im serious about the business and helps me to build it instead of constantly running me down when plans fall through and money gets tighter.We take care of each other and still let each other have some space.Do you feel like your in teh type of relationship that can handle some strain? I know your current living conditions suck ass compared to the house, plus the dogs, plus the rooms and privacy that kids need, plus your business stays more itno your business and not your landlords.Thers alot of advantages to making the move, do the disadvantages outweight them?can the relationship stand t strain if not everything goes right? The other thing I think you need to do is talk to the kids, both yours and him with his. I talked to my kids before Julie moved in with me make sure they understood that it wasnt against them and make sure they didnt have any problems with her I was unaware of. Talk to them, see what they think. let him talk to his and see if they have any mixed emotions, if anyone does its only going to magnafy in a few months and could be enough to shit all over your plans.After all of its settled then figure out if you think the relationships strong enough to be strained if shit doesnt go just right.Noone can make your decision for you, and the kids are kids and not in charge but they do have an influence on how easy it goes after the move. Take a week and sit back and figure shit out. Include the new boy in the descussion, he has a say as well, and now is the time to bring up any concerns not after its said and done and a lease is signed.

Wow, that's really beautiful Chance. I think you only said fuck once. :grin:

Anyhow, I agree with Chance. It sucks making these kind of decisions. You go back and forth and back and forth again. Things seem great between you two, so I think no matter what you decide you both will be ok. Good luck hun!

I did???shit now Ill have to edit and add the proper amount of fuck words.

Yeah with the market where it is it makes more sense for me to rent. I have only rented about 4 years of my adult life, it feels weird renting..lolAnd thanks everyone. It helped with the conversation...

LOL! We are.There are a couple loose ends to tie up, but if it isn't THIS house, we ARE going to get a house. There are 2 weeks in March left, and if we time it out right, we can give our thirty day notice first of April, and be signing the lease May 1. We are both pretty excited! Apparently, I am the only nervous one. But when we talked about it some more, he really reminded me of where he is at (he doesn't have a cigarette, beer and pot "expense" from the ex, and he quit the pot himself...that alone is enough to cover me if I fall on my ass again), and that he understands my stuff, and we will be alright. So, as it stands, WE have made the commitment to this place, now for it to not fall through because of credit, or someone else beating us too it..lol Tomorrow, we are celebrating his sobriety. YAY! Then everything is going into getting this house.

All too well..sigh

Yay!! I will bring a twelve pack of Pepsi to the house warming party.

How do you celebrate with out getting fucked up?celebrate sobriety....I couldnt do that, thats jsut staying sober, not much of a celebration at all.

We did drink. It was celebrating his giving up the weed and cigarettes. He doesn't normally drink, so it was all good.