I'm a guy, and I think I'm gay. It doesn't matter if I decide rather I am gay or not because I just simply don't want to be gay. I want to marry a woman, have kids, have a family and live happily ever after. I don't know rather I'm going through a phase, so I'm trying to block out my feelings. It all started with being attracted to my best friend. I thought the feelings would pass after the summer holidays, but it got worse once school started again. I don't want to tell him anything because I know for sure he's straight, but it just hurts so much to act like a friend when I obviously feel more than that. I feel like I'm a complete contradiction. I'm a Christian, and I really do believe in my faith. I mean, I can get rid of grudges, laziness, greediness...but I can't let go of this. I know that I should be true to myself, but I really don't know if me being gay is true or not. I really don't know what to do. Is there another to see the situation? Are there steps to take to make this better? I don't want to run away from my problem any more, because it only made things worse.
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Frustrated and confused
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First I would like to say that the reason you gave for not wanting to be gay is so much more mature and honest than the usual excuses of people thinking that it’s evil and not natural. Wanting to have the wife and kids and live out the old American dream is something that most people want and it’s a great goal to have in life.As for your friend, if you are absolutely sure that he is straight then it is best that you don't approach him with your feelings. Friends, even best friends, can be the greatest people you ever meet and will usually always be there for you, but in matters of sexuality such as this one, they can often be complete wankers! Guys, being the immature shits that we are, do not always know the best way to deal with things like this.But then again, your friend may be fine with it and whether he returns the feelings or not, your friendship may not suffer from this at all. This is something that you will have to try to assess for yourself. Unrequited feelings are hard to deal with, everyone has had to deal with them in their lives, but you have to decide what actions are best for you and for your friendship.Are you attracted to women? There is always the possibility that you're bisexual, leaving the option to marry a woman and have the 2.5 kids wide open while still being able to have feelings towards guys. There is a wide misconception that bisexuals are just sex addicts and that they can't settle or be trusted in a proper relationship, but while sure everyone loves a good shag, this image is just not true. And as for you being gay, it’s not the end of the world. You can still have a family (depending on where you live) and grow old with someone you love and live happily ever after. It may not be what you want at the moment, but it would be better than lying to yourself and getting trapped in a loveless straight marriage.But then of course, you're right, it could just be a phase. But whatever the outcome, you just need to do what is right for you. Don't make decisions based on what you think that you should do, or what your religion says that you should do. You don't have to be straight to be a good Christian; one of our Moderators is a gay Christian, and a damn good one!You may not be able to choose your sexuality, but how you deal with it and how much you enjoy life with it, is completely up to you.
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Very good points there.
I think you 've pretty much covered this. -
Oh, well thats good... I suppose.
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You know, the situation doesn't sound so bad anymore the way you say it. Thanks. (I'm Chinese by the way, so it's more like living out the...chinese tradition vs american dream)You asked a really great question, am I attracted to women? I actually never gave it much thought. I just assume that I do. For as long as I can remember, I've never had crushes on anyone. It has been very asexual until now. To be bisexual though, I'll have to at least want to have sex with both women and men, but how am I suppose to know if I like it when I've never had it? I generally don't think about 'mature' things like these (despite of me being completely legal). Unhealthy?I think I am scared of getting trapped in a loveless marriage. I would be so irresponsible if I decide that I'm gay after I get married. It would be very unfair for my wife then. I guess I'll stick to being single until I figure it out. I'm glad I found this site. This has been bugging me for the longest time, and I can't think of anyone I trust enough to tell. Thank you!
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Quote:I think I am scared of getting trapped in a loveless marriage.Is this something you have seen a lot of around you?It seems that you are developing romantic interests later than average. What about erotic interests? What do you think about during masturbation?
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Many of the replies you got are very true. It might be a phase or you might be gay, either way, you have to accept yourself for what you are. Being gay is not a choice and it is not the taboo it once was. We have been educated to the fact of homosexuality and the majority of us have come to accept it. But most importantly YOU have to accept yourself, till you don't you will be miserable and you will lead a life that is not complete. You can still have children with a partner and live a complete happy family life. You can adopt, and the way I see it "there are so many children that are unwanted and unloved, that it is better to have parents that love them, no matter if they are mom and dad or dad and dad I have 2 sons who I love very much and would still feel the same way about them if one of them would come to me and say "mom, I am gay" I would rather see my sons completely happy with who they are then be unhappy with being someone they are not ! Good luck
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"Is this something you have seen a lot of around you?"Thank you for asking this. I think maybe there is more to the problem now. My parents were divorced, and then my dad remarried. It was because my mother cheated on my dad. I was actually too young to remember anything, and it wasn't until a few years ago when I learned from my brother why they divorced. For so long I've wondered how come my parents loved each other enough to have two kids, yet not love each other enough to stay together. I was taught to pretend I have a perfect family because people will look down on me if they found out. I really didn't tell anyone, even when so many people say that my mom looks too young to be my mom. I never thought that it'll affect me in any way, but maybe I'm wrong. Which leads to another possible reason why I don't want to be gay. My mom doesn't understand why people of the same gender are attracted to each other; she believes that homosexuals aren't natural. I value my mom's opinion of me more than anything else in the world. I think I'm scared of losing her, especially when there's no blood-bound relationship to hold us together. She tells me all the time that she cares about me no matter how much I screw up, but I can never lose that fear of disappointing her. And then today at church, a bible verse really struck home. "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is the sin living in me that does it." (Romans 7:19-20)I thought that I can wait it out and perhaps the problem would resolve itself. But what if I die tomorrow? How will I face God?But...yes, on to the...erotic interests. Didn't know what masturbation was until last year (had to look up the dictionary with my friend), and I haven't tried it...yet. But that wasn't as funny as how I found out what oral sex was. At church we were learning about the heiarchy of love. I was wondering why oral sex was so high up (above kissing) because I thought it was talking about sex (which was what we were doing...). Which lead to my understanding of fruit-flavoured condoms...And while I'm on my long train of thought, might as well ask this too. Does semen taste sweet? I learned from biology class that semen contains fructose, so it should taste like honey? Is that why people like oral sex?Now I have another theory about my situation. What if I'm only attracted to my friend's personality? What if there's a girl version of my friend out there, will I love her instead?Thank you for all of your helps and encouragments. They've helped me a lot already.
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I do not think anyone needs to add to this helpful and considered answer, good job!
