Ok help... I'm immature... (VERY)

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With the topic being said.. Now I will explain.

I'm 19 and I am a virgin. I have no intent of losing virgnity just to lose it.. however, I have found a girl I really like. I would personally enjoy being able to engage in acts with her.

I however, am very immature.. as in I have no desire to deal with children. I read the guide.. and it seems the most effective method at the moment is steralization which I have mixed feelings about. I have no intention of gettting steralized at the moment.. however, I may be considering that in the future.. (apparently.. on my fathers side.. there were 2 that were "normal" out of 6.. my father wasn't born with organs in the wrong place.others in the family had different and almost random issues.).. According to my mom I was "normal" yet, apparently I'm colorblind.. I was diagnozed dyslexic and "slow" when I was little however, I "grew out of it".

The girl I like in particular said her family has a history of depression and other issues according to her.... So while I have no immediate desire to get steralized.. I can't say I ever plan on having children.. and well.. especially with her.... She feels the same way. So.. one day.. steralization is probably whats going to happen..

However, for the mean time.. I am really.. not wnating to have kids.. but, I do want to engage in intercourse.

Should I just grow up and accept the fact taht I should refrain from sex until later? Or what.. She has bad luck.. I have bad luck.. and well.. I can't help but, feel that if we actually do.. we will end up getting the worst possible scenerio.. Seeing as she is a virgin also.. that probably adds to the risk of pregnancy.. two people who lack experience is probably not going to make the situation any better..

OK, not wanting kids is not immature. You're actually more mature than a lot of people for even taking kids into consideration, especially the risks of them having health problems.But really, sterilization is a bit of an extreme and unnecessary idea. You're 19, you're young, obviously you don't want kids right now but that will probably change later when you meet the right girl and yadda yadda yadda...If you take the right precautions then you can seriously cut down almost all chance of an accident. And don't even take luck into consideration, if you play safe then you'll be fine.Use a condom, one at a time: Using two condoms at once seems like a smart idea but during sex they rub together and you have a high chance of both of them tearing.Pull out before you ejaculate: Just before you climax pull out of her and come into the condom, or on your girlfriend if she's into it.Have your girlfriend on the pill: Not that you should force her into it, but contraception is the responsibility of both of you and it is only fair that she does her part. Some girls are put off by the possible side effects of the pill but they don't happen to everyone and those that do don't usually last very long.If you use all of these methods together you pretty much bring the chance of her getting pregnant down to 0, no matter how bad you luck may be.

I am not going to pretend that I know for sure if she is the "right one".. especially considering my age and all.. However, I can honestly say.. I would really like for this girl to be the one. However, I am not going to get steralized soon.. *EDIT*Even if I was absolutely sure that she was the one.. I still wouldn't make such a hasty decision at the age of 19

I don't feel I am immature for taking kids into consideration.. I feel immature for not wanting to deal with the consequences of my actions.

I will consider it.. and.. Well honestly part of me wants to just refrain from it for as long as possible for various reasons.. (personal convictions and others)... However, on the other hand.. I realise that no matter how strong moral convictions are.. After the conversation we had last night.. I realise that sooner or later we are going to want to act.. and.. well I acknowledge my immaturity for not wanting kids.. However, I am at trying to be responsible as possible by avoiding them in the first place..

I don't want another child on the adoption market because of me.. or even worse a child that has physical mental.. or other health issues.. possibly both..

I agree with bob - I think you're being very responsible and mature for considering these questions. It's a wise man who knows he is not always wise.

Well just remember that you can do it whenever you want. You can wait a few weeks or wait a few years, you decide. Wanting to avoid the consequences is normal, pretty much everyone is afraid of what might happen. You can either go ahead and do it, taking all precautions and hoping for the best. Or you can wait until you think you're ready and capable to cope with all the possibities.You're obviously smart enough to not give in to the usual pressure of having sex because everyone else does, so be smart, take your time and do it when its right for you, not just because its inevitble.

meh I have herd about how I should be having sex from peers for the last 5 years.. that doesn't really bother me..What does bother me is I was on the phone last night.. and well.. I am not going to repeat the conversation.. however, I kinda realised she and I both are.. well interested in having sex at some point in time... and if last night in any indication..it could be tonight.. tomarrow night.. 2 weeks.. 2 months..2 years however, its inevitable.. and even if steralization is considered in the future... right now its not an option.Hmm... meh.. wow.. i just noticed I called myself 19... xD. oh well.. close enough give or take 30 days.Anyway. thanks guys.. I will probably use every method possible..I know that one method alone still carries a large risk.. however I will probably try to use every action possible.. Timing/condoms/the pill...I guess.. one way or another.. its a risk.. and odds are I am going to take it sooner or later.. just.. god help me..

You are wise and mature for thinking things through-not just jumping into bed and then whining about the consequences.I agree that when you are ready, multiple contraception techniques to take the prossibility of pregancy as close to zero as possible is the way to go.You may find, when you discover 'the one', that some genetic testing and counseling may help you to decide whether or not it is wise for you to father a child. At this point in your life you know that it is not and you have the methods to deal with it.

Ok guys a few more questions just occured. since I already have this post here i figured what the hell.A. can doing different positions futher lower the risk of pregnancy? Its my understanding that certain poistions would be more effective.. Such as missionary.. standard guy on top.. is probably the worst when it comes to getting pregnant.. then again that could be fault information..B. ALthough the "pullout" method and "rhythem" methods are pretty bad ideas alone. Assuming she is on birthcontrol and I have a condom on. (or if she is using female condom and birth control probably gunna be a condom involved just depends on whats better/more comfortable) Is it still a good idea to pull out or at this point is it really just irrelevent? Also.. while I know alone the rhythem method is pulling out I guess the same question.. is there any point in trying to use it with condoms and birthcontrol?I guess the point I am asking now is while there are good birth control methods.. and well horrible ones.. are the horrible ones worth considering when using all the other methods.. or is their luck so bad that its pointless.

Quote:A. can doing different positions futher lower the risk of pregnancy? Its my understanding that certain poistions would be more effective.. Such as missionary.. standard guy on top.. is probably the worst when it comes to getting pregnant.. then again that could be fault information..All are effective.Quote:B. ALthough the "pullout" method and "rhythem" methods are pretty bad ideas alone. Assuming she is on birthcontrol and I have a condom on. (or if she is using female condom and birth control probably gunna be a condom involved just depends on whats better/more comfortable) Is it still a good idea to pull out or at this point is it really just irrelevent? Also.. while I know alone the rhythem method is pulling out I guess the same question.. is there any point in trying to use it with condoms and birthcontrol?If it makes your nervous still, pull out. There is basically no risk at that point, but pull out if it still makes you uncomfortable.Quote:I guess the point I am asking now is while there are good birth control methods.. and well horrible ones.. are the horrible ones worth considering when using all the other methods.. or is their luck so bad that its pointless. Again, it's what you're comfortable with. If she is on the pill, AND You're using a condom, pull out will do nothing but let you sleep well at night.

Eh.. its not so much a question of "comfort" but, rather practicality. If there is a point I'd do it.. if there isn't then its whatever feels best.*edit I just want to take ever precaution. However, if there is no point may as well do whatever is comfortable.

I doubt that the poition makes a lot of difference.Withdrawing or using the rhythm method, though poor in themselves, do provide some degree of extra safety if, for example, the condom is faulty.