The main differences between Adopting and Birthing

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What are the pros and cons of each? Especially in third-world/africa adopting and having your own child, and being as there are so many children in this world starving, would it be better to adopt? Ari and I aren't thinking about it in the near future (well, he is since he just got back from Kenya, I'm still on the post).

Actually I have been looking a lot into adoption because within the next 1-2 years I want to start a family. I have to admit adopting within the US makes me nervous because I know at any given time the mother of the child could come back and fight for custody. Over sea's adoption is something I think that would work best for me and I know I wouldn't have to worry about the parents trying to come to gain custody, though there are a lot of hoops (and money) to go through when it comes to adopting in another country.As for is it better to adopt or have them naturally. That's a hard one. Personally I'd love to have a little me running around. Something about it is very appealing to know you share the same genes. Than there is the other side of the spectrum where there are kids living in the system who want and need loving stable parents who are always going to be there for them.

When thinking of adopting a third-world child, you need to consider whether taking a child out of his/her culture is a good thing. When they get older and know they are adopted, they may feel they have no cultural home, torn between their birth and adoptive cultures. This happened in Australia with adoption of aboriginal children by white families in the 1960s. At the time it was considered as being in the children's best interests, but now it is seen as having been a big mistake.

We actually know the child, Joseph, his mother died when he was about 3 of aids, and right now he's stuck in a mass-house kind of situation that has about 75 kids all living in very small space with not enough food for everyone, lice and infection rates extraordinarily high, Ari does a lot of work there, and Joseph really stands out to him, so far I've only met him twice, and he's about 6 years old, and would be in full understanding. He is HIV Negative, and I dunno, I'm starting to lean towards yes. I'll be going out there for a quick two day thing, I'll probably decide by then.

(I know you know this) but, give it tons of thought. It isn't exactly like bringing home a puppy. Kids are tons of work (worth it work, but work just the same).Good luck to you in whatever you decide. Adopting a kiddo like that would be very gratifying for you, and I am sure you would do a great job, and the kiddo would have a chance at wonderful life that he would not otherwise of had.

He's been thinking about this since before we got married, we have the money and certainly the time, and more then enough love and patience. The difficult thing that I'm thinking of, is schooling and English. He speaks so little English, and I dunno, right now I'm working out little details in my head like schools and where would be the right place to lay roots down since I just signed another contract with Israel, if I want to settle down there or in America. I just... I don't want to wait too long to decide, because too long to him could mean so much. He asked Ari once if he could come home with him.

Hopefully i'm going to adopt

I read this, but Im wy to fucked up right now, I owe you a reply and my thoughts when Im not torn in two and red eyed. a serious matter needs serious words and I cant give that right now, Ill book mark and return toe this later. I can rant and rave and be pissed I jsut cant compose meaningful feelings outside of rage and disgust right now so your answer must wait. watch for it in the next day or so Right now Im gunna go enjoy my being a space cowboy.

snickers Well, I appreciate that lolEdited: Some other things to think about are that he's Roman Catholic right now and always asks Ari about his Star of David, Ari explained it to him, but if we did adopt him, I wouldn't want to just convert him with out... him being old enough to understand the difference. Also, he's six, that's too old to get him circumcised in my opinion with out him being a full adult to choose to do it. I feel like I shouldn't... be working these kinds of things out in my head till I choose one way or another, and if I am working them out in my head already, does that kind of mean I've already decided? I have a steady contract for the next 5 years with amazing pay, full medical for my whole family including him, and a lot saved up. I could take him to the best schools, doctors, anything he dreamed of... I dunno, I mean. Blah. He's one of the smartest kids I've met, but I'm just so young, and we're already taking care of Raspberry, my husband's niece. I guess that's not much of an excuse since she's basically grown. sighs

**All these things that are going on in your head, ARE a way of working out whether you want to do it or not......they are very different questions that parents of their own child wouldn't have to consider, so of course they need thinking about. Adoption comes with its own set of specialised problems but if you want it then you will work through it and it will all be worth it in the end. Good luck.

Eddie, my close friends who are a lesbian couple are trying to have a baby with a gay man, hes kinda donating his sperm during weekends with them LOL sounds weird i guess but both parties want kids and this seems a good way to fulfil both their dreams have you ever thought of doing something simular, it seems that the fear of the birth mother coming to take my child away would terrify me, at least that way you would be the father and **as such have rights.

Actually I would love to find someone willing to have a child for me, or a situation like your friends. I actually have a lesbian couple as very good friends, but not sure that's something they would be willing to do. One of them just had a baby about 5 months ago, and the other girl (who I am closer to) already has two kids herself. Other than those two I don't really have any close female friends (or the ones I do have are married lol and we know that’s not going to happen hehe).Actually my one lesbian friend, Michelle, would be the perfect match for me when it comes to a surrogate mother. She pretty, good health, smart, and shares a lot of the same ideas and interests I do. But again not sure having another child is something she’d truly want to do.It’s a lot harder for gay men to have a child, unless it’s through adoption. I seriously hope I get the chance to have a child of my own genetics.

Im thinking coherent thoughts again, Ill make a post as soon as I can collect what I want to say there is some differences, but you shuld understand that love isnt one of them.

1rst - When the Hell were you going to let me in on this? 2nd - If it's the little boy I'm thinking of, go for it Chicka! I can help take care of him, you know, teaching him how to manipulate Ari, how to eat a whole pancake in one bite, you know, the important stuff ;).

When I'd come to somewhat of a decision, still haven't really.