That my girlfriend and I should not be in a relationship and that doing so ultimately hampers her getting over her agoraphobia. So we have decided to only talk every other day. (she was told to quit talking to people in general because she subconciously feels she will dissappoint them and it only makes things worse) And I promised her as we "broke up" that I would not wait.. And I have no intention of doing so. I promised on a bible that I would give others a fair and unbaised chance and I will.The problem is I don't really feel like we are "broken up". My mom just walked in and I explained it to her.. and she remarks "so what does the psychaitrist want her to do? go crawl in a grave"... On one hand I agree with my mom.. when you have as many problems as she does... you really need to talk to people and get if off your chest. On the other hand.. the psychaitrist is also right.. when you feel your dissappointing people.. its best to learn to rely on yourself first and get your own emotions straight.So My problem is ultimately. I would like to get back together with her when she is better. I do not want to hamper her in anyway what so ever. The problem is in many ways I feel we are still together and this is just a little bump in the road.Right now we have sorta agreed to go back to square one.. acknowledge we like eachother so long as we still do.. that way we can keep it in check. We don't want to entirely sever ties we still want to be friends.. on the other hand she doesn't want me to count on getting back together even though that what we both really seem to want to do.So really.. I guess the question is.. am I doing the right thing..
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So.. the psychiatrist said.
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My Opinion: That shrink is an Idiot. You dont tell someone who hates going out of their house to stop Talking to people. My advice, his get her to get a second opinion.
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I don't think she can afford a second opinion. I know my gf.. or ex gf has told me about agoraphobia however, there could be other issues involved.I don't want to say this... but, I guess I should point out her family are the kinda sick ****ers who if treated the way they treat other things... would well... lets just say... they would suffer greatly. She isn't excately high on their proirity list.. and she is lucky to go to anyone at all.Throw in I am not sure what other problems she may have.. I am far from qualified to make a decision based on it. I just right now can't really afford to argue with a psychiatrist without valid reasoning.I personally do agree.. if she has agoraphobia she needs all the help she can get.. However, the psychaitrist may not be entirely wrong.. each time she gets her hopes up about going somewhere.. then can't.. just makes it worse next time she tries..
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I agree. Perhaps the psychiatrist wants her all for himself?When agoraphobics do leave their home, it's usually because other people are supporting them and coming with them.
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Then don't get to try, get her to do. keeping her in the house and not talking to anyone is succombing to her problem and not doing SHIT about it, honestly that is the most crap agoraphobia advice i've ever heard =/
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The psychiatrist is a woman and my gf.. or ex.. or w/e is 18.. just recently turned.
And I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thinks its fucked up. I am somewhat paranoid about her panic attacks.. and well last time we tried to get her out the house.. we got down the road.. and then she said her stomach was killing her..
So.. few days later it was still hurting and she went to the E.R. The results so far have been negative on pretty much everything. I might try to talk my parents into paying for a second opinion.. or I might do it myself if it becomes nessicery..
My understanding is she is suppose to be undergoing "exposure therapy" in which her mom is suppose to be taking her out.. But, as I said.. her parents aren't that great. So.. I really don't think they are putting forth the effort.
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It's been said 100 times already...but the psychiatrist seems to be treating the symptom rather than the disease (IE, like telling a acrophobic to avoid heights; while the suggestion is simple and solves the immediate negative reaction, it sure as hell doesn't fix the problem)Ultimately it's hard to disagree with the doctor; there aren't many people here with PHD's or MA's..or even BA's in psych. On that same hand too; she may believe (rightfully so) that young romantic relationships tend to be unstable, and that a fairly routine breakup (that most people would get over in a little while) will instead plunge your ex into a hole so deep where it could take decades to lift her out of it.Ultimately, IF you want to get back with her you'll have to realize that you will become a bit of an emotional bell-hop for a fairly long period of time, and you'll have to be as patient as a saint. You really are committing yourself to an extremely high level of responsibility. I guess in the end you have to do some soul searching to see if you're willing to take this girl for better or worse, in sickness and in health...(you know where I'm going with this)
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Em. As to my gf and sticking there for her. She told me right after we attempted our first date and she couldn't make it that she was unstable. She was pretty shaken up and wanted me to just kinda end it.. I coulda taken the easy way out right then and there. It was what she wanted at the moment and I could have gotten out. However, I didn't really care then about what problems she has and I don't really care now. I told her flat out I wouldn't break up with her while she wasn't in her right mind because she would regret it.. and I would regret giving in to what was easy at the moment.My ex encouraged me to break up with her.. just not worry about her and try to find someone else multitiple times before we actually did. Then the only reason we did is because of her actual doctor recomending it. I think you may very well be right about unstable teenage relationships. I have no immediate intent to get back with her.. or.. I guess I should say I have no intent of ENCOURAGING her to get back with me. I want whats best for her bottom line. If it means stepping back and just being a friend.. Then I'm going to offer my full support as a friend. I would like to be with her however, whats best for her takes priority.IF she decides to go against her psychiatrist.. then I give my full support. I will lay down what I can lay down. I don't know how truely unstable our relationship is... However, I am kinda set on making sure she is alright.. whether as a friend or boyfriend I want to help in whatever way I can.