This is whiney and bitchy feel free to tell me to grow the fuck up and get over it. However, right now I'm having a lapse in sanity.I met a girl. I liked her. We started talking alot. I grew to love her. We "dated" sorta. Her psychiatrist said to break up so we did. We still wanted to be friends. I still thought of her as pretty much my best friend since most of my others fell away.Now she doesn't want to talk to me at all... because she met someone else.I feel betrayed and alone because.. Last time I broke up with a friend.. I kept going back and wanting to date them. This time.. I really just wanted a good friend. (sure.. i flirted with the idea of having something more time to time.. but, it always died fast). Now.. my best friend doesn't even want to talk to me because she met someone new she likes and doesn't want it to be "wierd".Sadly it seems this is the story of my life.
I'm left feeling betrayed and alone.
Yes. I just hope that if it fails she will still be willing to talk to me.Even if the problem is with her .. maybe I should change myself. I am really beginning to believe I have a weak personality. Oh well I'm going to call her in just a minute. We discussed most of it on myspace. My last request is that before we never talk again.. we at least talk on the phone once more.. I don't plan on actually trying to draw it out or going into some emotional babel. Although it may happen.However, I may make her promise to call me back in the future sometime or something.Meh.. this feels like its happened before alot.. but, I don't know why.edit And your right.. once they break up.. if she is willing to get back in contact with me.. I will accept the freindship with open arms.*edit just got off the phone with her. She said it wasn't just one particular thing that made her not want to talk to me. I made her promise once she sorted things out to call me back whether it was in one month or 6. Her sister needed to use the phone. So we hung up and I sent her a message on myspace.I have my own theories about why she is doing this but, I don't want to post them and I really shouldn't think about them. I just hope for the best for her.
Erm no. Her boy can't read the message.Messages can be seen by the public. If I sent her a comment he would be able to see it. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her relationship.As to codependency. Very well may be. I always have some.Its one of my character flaws. I am willing to go threw pretty great lenghs for people I'm close to. However, the downside is that I tend to get "clingy" so to speak.I should also point out that I really don't have alot of friends so that probably makes it a little worse. However, I should also point out that I don't have alot of friends for a reason. I am pretty different. I don't really try to seperate myself or be "unique" because thats pretty much what everyone in the world does.However, I have come to realise I have to see a certain something to be friends with people. I can't say I try to be different to be cool. I just listen to the music I like. Play the games I like. Do the stuff I like and I get a bit persecuted for it. Doesn't really bother me.. and I would really rather not talk to people who think I'm on drugs just because I'm different.Lol. I am really not that different xD I don't have any peircings, tatoos, and I do acknowledge I have a somewhat gothic attitude.. I dress normal/cheaply (don't like paying for clothes that won't last xD) oh well.
Nice word. I have to admit I had to look up esoteric. I guess some people just function differently.
Ironically enough that is usually my way of getting over relationships. Just searching for a new one. Keeps me from dwelling. Too bad I don't get out the house enough.
I know good and well I'll find another friend. I'm hoping she won't become nothing more then a memory. Some people fade to black gently. Others... I still carry around with me. Almost like brothers or sisters seperated. I think thats my issue right now. I hate when friends fade away.
As to finding someone.. School orientation is coming up soon. Although I'm not looking forward to the stuff they want you/force you/try to force you to do. It will at least be a good chance to meet new people. And whoever doesn't get scared away or take an instant "OMG I HATE YOU YOUR DIFFERENT" stance.. will probably end up being a friend.
Plus I am going to see a local band tomarrow. I'm trying to keep that my main focus at the moment. Otherwise my condition will only deteriorate.
After the local band I go to sleep. xD.Got work and orientation. WHen I don't have those I play video games.I live life instead of dwell. Whatever it takes to keep busy and not over analyze.As to people messing with me. While physically I look normal enough.. mentally I'm too far out there to even try to fit in. At least with most of the people I have come in contact with. I can't pretend I really care. I don't really care for the farce of civility present between most people who claim to be "friends".I don't drive people away.. However, I'm not going to conform. To some extent there are things I can't really change about me that just make me different. My sense of humor creeps most people out xD. Most people dislike the music I listen to. Many people like the same things I do. They just tend to be uncommon where I live.In college its a whole new scenerio. So I am not really that worried about much right now. The intial shock of what she said has worn off. now I'm just kinda.. here. Not sad.. not happy. Just hopins he keeps her promise.Till then I'm just going to look for more friends. Listen to music. and enjoy life the best I can.Granted I sometimes wonder if I'm a bit emotionally crippled so to speak xD