So alone

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There are days I feel complete, but there are even more days when I feel like a piece of me is missing. It's like there is a hole inside of me that I can't seem to keep closed; no matter how hard I try to hide my heart and keep it shielded, I always seems to leave it standing in the open to be trampled to pieces. There are days I feel on top of the world, but lately I just feel like no matter how hard I try I can't keep my head above the surface and I can't seem to keep from feeling so cold and lonely. I look around me and see people so happy and full of life and I wonder what I've done so horrible that I can't seem to find that. I just feel so alone and I don't know how to fix it...

You're not alone in feeling that way - so do I, often.

Theres alot of days i feel alone. Ive lost alot of friends lately, mostly because i left my highschool 6 months ago and we just stopped talking. So atm i dont have alot of friends and i just usually sit at home, i feel very depressed and alone at times, so your not alone at all, i wish i knew how to make new friends.

The key to making new friends is to take the first step. You start the conversation, you invite someone over, you offer help, etc. Obviously you don't go inviting a stranger over straight away, but if you're both standing around waiting for something, or sitting next to each other, just ask something casual. Doesn't matter what, well, don't go asking something really odd.It's harder when you have to break into existing friendship circles, but when you move away to collage or uni, where everyone is feeling lost and alone. Being able to make that first move will make you a lot of friends very quickly.

The only view I have on this is to not take life so seriously, and actually welcome death. It worked for me when I was a suicidal depressed teen. EVERYTHING was so overwhelming, especially school and grades. I finally said "fuck it" who am I getting good grades for? Am I truly a loser for passing with no less than d minuses? What's the very worst thing that can happen to me in this world? Death? No, I told myself. Life. After that realization, I started feeling good about myself, I know, Iknow... don't ask how that happened. After taking inventory, I noticed that I have more to offer others that come into contact with me than any book can teach, or any diploma can fabricate. Death is around the corner for all of us, but if you start believing you're going to die, it will either motivate you to live happily, or you simply give up and off yourself. Since most of us dont have the Cajones to do the later, living happy is the only way. This is a fucked world we live in, so don't ask how I do it, but no one in this world can bring me down at this stage of my life. I hope you can find it, happiness IS achievable. Maybe not the way I found it, but it really helps to play little psychological games with yourself. If not with death, think of how lucky you are to have sight, all yo fingers and toes, next time youre down. Playing little mind games with myself helped me a lot. I never became a good student, nor did I ever go to college, but I became a good person. Hope that helped, remember it's just my perspective, Im a real piece of work.

sadly sir I agree with you.Many peoples degrees aren't fit for toliet paper.However, I must say although it helps.. in my mind accepting that I'm a freak (to me) seems like a homosexual coming out the closet. Its the realization that I'm in the minority when it comes to what interest me.Also I graduated less then 6 months ago.. so most of my friends are gone.. I met some new people at orientation to college who are awesome and I hope to hang out with them alot in the future..However, breathe by disturbed really suits me.."you will release your life joining the *** damned world of the dead and the lonely"..Someone on this board told me I suffer from codependency.. I think they are probably right. I talk to the occasional random person.. but, ultimately.. I just want a chance to go to the movies with a smart intelligent girl ... Or to be able to have some people come over and we can act retarded playing the wii or gamecube.. or to go to the local metal venue and hear aband I ahve only got to hear for one song in the past and headbang like a retard..Honestly.. when your feelign down.. I recommend thinking of something you want and going for it...I usually end up setting myself up for dissappointment... however, if your realistic it can work out and you'll feel better.

Quote:I met some new people at orientation to college who are awesome and I hope to hang out with them alot in the future..I'm really glad it went so well, Nny!

I think my problem right now is I'm craving a true friend, I'm craving someone to be there and not ask more of me than I can give, someone who is willing to take me as I am and not try and push me until I break. So many of my 'friends' treat me as though I'm their life coach, as if I'm supposed to hold their hands and walk them through their troubles (be it jobs, other friends, family, or husbands/boyfriend) when they can't even stop and be bothered to offer me any help when it's needed most. I've taken to being reclusive when it comes to them. I no longer feel the need to answer my cell when one of them calls, what's the point? Sure they'll invite me out only to leave me standing alone in a crowd so that they can go and chat it up with someone else, or leave me to watch their children while they run amuck, or just to have me sit there in a room full of strangers and expect me to just have the time of my life and never once stop and see how isolated they make me feel. They come to me with all their problems, their hopes and dreams, and never once to they just call to ask how I am, how I feel, never once do they want to do things that I enjoy. They spend their time trying to push me into this mould they think I should be in but I just don't seem to fit. Sure, I like to have a drink every now and then but it doesn't mean I want to be at the bar every night, or every weekend. What happened to going out to the movies? To renting cheesy horror shows and staying in? What happened to going to dinner that didn't involve fast food for once? What happened to acting like you cared?

Well, your not catching the ball anymore, that is a good thing. It is a hard transition.What about getting out and doing stuff you like, even if it is alone, maybe you'll meet some new people, and find friends that like the same stuff you do?I don't really have any of the friends now that I had at 20, and it is a good thing. Each new friend I have made, I lay it out on the table, and either they fit or they don't. The ones that don't have gone their way, and I have gone mine. I remember how tough it was defining my own values, and learning how to tell people how it "really was" with me. It took a while, but it sure is nice to not be walked on, and to go hang out with people who enjoy just being friends. It is a battle, but only a temporary one. You're a doll, and you deserve people who will love you just the way you are. I bet though, at 21 your still defining who you are (whether or not you admit it, there is alot to come, that will further define your character, will, and life!)

Quote:when they can’t even stop and be bothered to offer me any help when it’s needed most. Ironic you should mention this. I have a friend who had a problem not even a month ago with her friends I gave her advice joked around about it and actually helped. (as well as listened).I recently realised i ahve a huge gap in my memory and other stuff.. and then 2 days ago I got in a fight with my mom. All this particular friend had to say after SHE asked about it was "your a self absorbed asshole".. I dpn't intend to just start bothering her with my issues. However, she never really does anything to help she listened for a while... however, listening.. and then trying to change the subject is wayy different then actually offering help.Sadly thats how my friends have ALWAYS been. My parents fucked me up even more. When I was little I prefered to be alone at school.. they forced me to try to have friends.. yet, we could only do stuff on the weekend and it had to be planned out like 3 days in advance.We could never just pick up and go see a friend just because it was 5 o clock on a wensday and i was done with my homework and bored. I have always had a friend to listen to me.. and its always great to have someone listen.. however, I have never once in my life just been able to say "fuck it lets go ice skating" or "hey movie.. lets check it out!" In the last 5 years.. I have had my friends over to the house twice.I have never in my life actually been able to hang out with people outside school much... so... I think its safe to say I know how you feel.

Katie, it's like you're speaking my soul sometimes. I get you. It's hard as hell isn't it? At least it is for me.

For the past two days I've sat in a seminar with this wonderful 81 year old, southern gentleman who's silver haired and educated and genteel and full of so much wisdom I wanted to take a bucket with me. After two days of discussing and discovering "who etched on my sketch" - looking at where I'm from and who's impacted me and who has planted messages in my cells that have driven my life - he spent the last thirty minutes or so drawing a sort of map of the influences on his life on the chalkboard. Then, the very last thing, he turned around and pointed his chalk at us and said "When did you, or will you ever take the chalk in your own hands and say 'By God, I'm gonna write my own story from now on.'" That was powerful to me.

Ir does hurt like hell... sometimes it's like parts of me are being ripped out and trampled on. It almost seems unbareable at times.

What the fuck is so wrong with me that I can’t have someone interested in me without them thinking I want to just jump in the bed?? Is it too much to ask?! I’m fed up...

I feel your pain. I was that way until I met Daren. I thought fate had left me alone and sad.Come hang out with Daren and I for a weekend. We have a lot of straight friends who we could introduce you too. Maybe where you live the pickings are slim?There aint nutting wrong with you gurl! You is Hot!

Sorry to hear that.Being a guy and still a virgin I'm in constant struggle with wondering "am I just desperate" (even though I don't plan on having sex) or "am I really in love".I am always at odds with myself on several levels. The song Zerstören by rammstein really suits my emotions on my previous relationships. "he met a girl who shared pain and like mind was blind, he wished on a star that fell she opened her eyes and in the same night left him".Whats creepy is while i have been happy these last few days.. It won't last forever.. and soon enough I will go back to being lonely.. Sometimes I embrace the lonelyness and love it like emotional masochism. Others I detest it with my heart and soul.Hope things work out for you.

Aw honey *cuddles* You always make me smile! When I get my car running, I just might take you up on that!! :smile:

Originally Posted By: RocMaybe where you live the pickings are slim?There's a lot of truth in what Roc is saying hun. If your Podunk neck of the woods is anything like mine your gonna have to do what we here do and import.Be proactive and get yourself in situations where you can meet new people because all your gonna get where your at is what you already know you don't want. Expand your world to meet new people and keep meeting new people and eventually you'll meet the right guy for you.This may not be the most pleasant though but meeting new people is kinda something your gonna have to get out there and work at. It may be a little uncomfortable but it will eventually yield results.

Sounds like me with college XD.I am waiting for college for this excate reason. (or at least its one of the many).We have enough people around here that there are different kinds of people. However, most share a similar mindset... and the rest are taken.Thank god.. 14 days till a new life xD.

Sis, with everyone i have in my life there are times i still feel like you do, i think everyone does to some degree at some point.At 21 i didn't know who i was, what i wanted to do/be, having kids gave me some focus, but then i realised that being JUST a mum wasn't what i wanted to be either, so i got involved with scouting and still love it, its such a worthwhile thing to do and you experience so many different things, you'd make a great leader btw, then that wasn't enough so i started studying for my degree and found a whole different set of things that interested me and made me feel more me.......its like the things that make up me are lots of little boxes, each with a label, friends, family, fun, study etc etc and they have to all be filled with stuff for me to be at my happiest....but even now there are still a few empty boxes and who knows what life will bring to fill them with You need to live for you, fill your weeks up with YOU stuff, new hobbies, new studies, new interests, be happy with you and your life and thats when all the rest, good true freinds, a soul mate even will appear when you least expect it.as you experience life, you will grow and change as a person (tho hopefully not too much cos i love ya the way you are cuddles) every ten years it seems im a different person, and my life is different again.....you won't always feel like this sweetheart loves

Originally Posted By: SexpertI finally said "fuck it" who am I getting good grades for? I wish i could say, 'fuck it'.I have no motivation for life.I have no motivation for my future.I have no motivation for anything, except maybe like, one thing.But my parents don't give a shit.They want me to work hard, they expect me to work hard.I really could care less.So, i half ass schooling.I often ask myself, why am i working? why am i studying for six hours for this test?why?I don't know.Why am i working hard now for something i don't even want in the future?Why eat dinner if you don't want dessert?