He is my boyfriend and this was the second time he made a statement like this. The first time he said thant Jews control Hollywood. It bothered me that he didn't say these guys are "white" males (like himself) that control Hollywood. I felt like them being Jewish deferred from the fact that white males hold a lot of power in this country. He kept saying it wasn't a problem or wrong, but I felt like he thought it was. It sounded pretty racist to me.This is the new boyfriend I wrote about in another post. I didn't realize he felt the way he felt about certain things, but we did rush into our relationship. He doesn't think culture/heritage is important. I'm black and he is white. I grew up not liking my skin color or hair texture (I use to straighten my hair, but I don't anymore). I want to embrace my natural self and learn about where my ancestors come from. I want to love the way I look. I want to know where I am and where I come from. I think that knowing is important to learning to love myself. He couldn't understand this and felt that one culture shouldn't be important than another. I think he felt that my need to know where I come from meant I was rejecting or didn't like anything that wasn't black or from or related to Africa. I don't know where he was really coming from exactly, but I'm suspicious.... Also, he doesn't want children as I've come to find out. I don't want children right now, but I might in the future. If I don't give birth, I'll adopt. He's homophobic (he even uses the phrase 'no homo', I HATE that phrase), and he likes to use the word fag, which offends me.Oh yeah, he has a crazy ex that he is way too nice and open with.It seems like we aren't that good of a match after all. The one thing that I really liked about everything is that we're both pretty shy and I didn't feel like I had to rush into trying not to be shy.What do y'all think? Am I being ridiculous to think he's racist and doesn't want to admit it?
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He said, "Jews control everything.'
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Is it more racist to say "Jews control Hollywood" than "white people control Hollywood"? Does it depend on whether the statement is true or not? I don't know. (I can well believe the first statement could be false and the second true, but I don't know anything about Hollywood. I tend to think it is the rich who control things the most, though even the rich find some things beyond their control.)In any case, from all you've said here and before, it seems this guy is not at all a good match for you. When two people are shy they can like each other because of that thing in common, and it can emerge only slowly how little else they have in common.I agree that his concern about your interest in your origins is probably fear that it means turning away from him.
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I've never heard of many black film producers or directors...there's Spike Lee and I don't know of many women. I watch a film earlier this week "Daughter's of the Dust" that was written and directed my Julie Dash. Another black female was responsible for "Eve's Bayou". I think both were closer to being indie, and worked with a low budget. People of color and women making movies is not a well known topic for most, including myself. Anyway....I felt like him specifically saying Jews instead of him seeing a similarity between himself (rich, white, male) and these men took away from fact that a lot of people would these men as white. I don't know if what I'm trying to say is coming out right.... It's like he's sort of deferring the blame sort of; do you get what I'm trying to say? I messaged him Thursday to see if he wanted to meet for lunch and no reply. Today I sent him a message saying we need to talk and if that was okay with him. I feel he's avoiding the situation. I want to lay everything on the table, whether we stay together (we probably won't) or not. I don't want to leave things unfinished.I really need advice, i'd really appreciate more replies. Help!
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Quote:do you get what I'm trying to say?Yes I do and I take that point, that it's blaming another group, not his group.Personally I find splitting people into groups generally unhelpful, because people are individuals and there is more variation between individuals in a group than between groups, but I know many people don't see it like that.In any case, what's important is how compatible you are, and it doesn't sound like you are.
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I thought we were compatible, up until this point...but there were little things that made me think otherwise.I think he should have seen the similarities between himself and other people, but I think he wants to separate himself from his obvious background. He replied to my message and we'll meet again to talk sometime next week.
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Of course nearly everyone tries to blame other people - it's human nature, I'm afraid.
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We're supposed to meet Wednesday, tomorrow, to talk, but he's said he think we should just be friends.... I think he didn't understand what I was trying to say. We'll see tomorrow.
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We broke up. He basically said that certain issues we discussed MIGHT be a problem later, so we should break up now so it won't be has painful.... I'll be alone forever. Apparently sex was more important that he first admitted. It was too good to be true.
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I'm very sorry for your pain. You won't be alone forever, though - there are certain to be many many guys more compatible. (Of course no-one is 100% the same, but if you are close enough you respect the remaining differences.)
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Thanks for the sympathy....