Emotionaly sensitive gf

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heya, i have been gone for a while, but i am back, and i've got a problem i need soem advice on. My girlfriend is a very sensitive girl, she is self concious, and has very low self esteem, and theres this other guy, one of her ex boyfriends, and she insists that their still friends, but he always treats her like crap and she wont let me tell him off, and she ownt do it, and she often ends up crying when he coems over, and she wont stop hanging out with him because her sister lieks him and hangs out with him alot. she's made me promis not to talk to him, but i cant sit by and watch him hurt her every time they hang out. it infuriates me, and she is so sensitive that little thinks make her sad, so even me talkign to her abotu it makes her sad, GRRRRR

Tough spot man.

Try talking to her and being open. She seems to want to please her sister... You gotta get her to put herself first..

Be as supportive as you can however, just keep in mind that you can only do so much.

i have no intention of breaking up with her, I wish there was some way to make her happier with herself, more willign to stand up for herself, this guy is a bad person and she doesnt see it, he went out with her for a week, fell inlove with her sister half way through that week, and then decided a while after they broke up that he wanted soem other girl as aposed to his sister so why either of them like hangign out with him i dont know

I respect you for staying with her man. However, as someone once told me when I was in a similar situation "prepair to be her emotional bell hop"I have to be honest.. Sadly enough most of the girls I fall for have issues emotionally if not mentally. However, also.. I have to warn you. The best way I can relay this message right now is a song by rammstein. Zerstören is about a guy who wanted to destroy everything except what belonged to him. He met a girl he fell in love with who had a like mindset. He wished on a star. she opened her eyes and left him in the same night.Sometimes people who have had it bad can love together on a whole nother level that is probably deeper then others. However, they are also prone to THINKING they love on a deeper level rather then actually doing it. What I am trying to say is its good that you want to help her and I applaud you for it. However, assuming she does get better.... her feelings are liable to drastically change towards you.

It sounds to me like she hasn't fully dropped him. She may not want you to talk about him because she feels guilty about the feelings she has for him.

well...that may be it, but i dont think so, posssible though...why i cant imagine, guy's a total prick...went out with her for a week, halfway through that he decided he was in love with her sister, then after she got back together with me, and after pulling her sister along on a chain for a week or so he decided he was in love with soem other girl, no respect for women if you ask me...

Unfortunately, that doesn't stop a guy's being attractive to some girls.

i supose you'd have to know her...I've been thinkign about it recently, and her problem is that she wants to please everybody, and if she cant, she sides with the person she knows wont forgive her if she doesnt side with them.

my sentiments exactly, well, more along the lines of "that boy is a jackass who shouldnt come within a thousand feet of my girlfriend"

Erm ... You have my full respect sir. Then again for some reason I have a sneak and suspicion "walking away" was never an option in your mind.

Yay, rvb! Welcome back! As for your girlfriend, why doesn't she just drop this guy from her life? It's painfully obvious that his guy is pure toxic to this girl's life. Why does she continue to talk to him or even allow him to be in the same area as her?Friends are not abusive and this guy clearly is. Just because her sister likes him is NOT a reason for her dignity to be sacrificed. Does your girlfriend's sister know what he's doing to her? This isn't right at all.Promise or not, you have to do something and here is what I suggest:1) Tell your girlfriend she MUST cut this guy off from her life completely. That means, he can't talk to her or come over to her house or anything. She will never get her self-esteem up if this guy is in the picture.2) If your girlfriend refuses, then you really need to consider moving on. I'm really sorry to say that because I know it's something you don't want to hear, but this relationship isn't healthy for you either. You are letting her personal problems become yours and her mind is focusing on him, not you. Honestly, she doesn't seem stable enough to be with ANYONE.

There's no real solution here. Girls go gaga for assholes. The way of the world, mate..way of the world.

i have been in this situation... the thing is i was the one in the spot that didn't want to let go (i guess...i dk how to word it) we were at a show and she sat with us and one side i had shannon aall on me and the other lindsey. later after lindsey left and me and shannon were alone she aske dme wut her deal was and i told her she's jsut like that (touchy and flirty) shannon roll sher eyes aat me and left it alone. at another show same thing... and lindsey isn't scared to tell dirty joke and talk..well u wouldn't want ur parents to hear it. lol but at a dance...... lindsey gave me a lap dance. (oh yea did i get into shit with shannon for allowing it) makes things worse lindsey was shooting pool with me and shannon called. b4 i could get my phone out of my pocket lindsey grabbed it ansd answered it. I swear when she handed me the cell i wanted to hang up but that would just get me in more shit so... when she got to the show i got yelled at more. i swear i have never seen shannon so pissed off! ok so my excuse was we were just shooting pool.. but shannon knows where i keep my cell at.... and really to me it wasn't a big deal. ..i was doing NOTHING wrong. (ok so yea letting her lapdance was wrong.. but the cell phone wasn't) but anyway... shannon had to go home and i ran into lindsey and she talked me into going to see their new trailer (1st trailer she'd owned with a living quarters in it) so ..ok i do. HUDGE MISTAKE! i go in and she's like sit down have a coke.. bla bla.. sits down next too me and...well i'm not going to say (u can put it together) i fn frose and yea.. my body was ..i dk. it's kinda like i was thinking two things at once and my body wasn't agreeing. i was thinking i'm fixing to get raped!!! i got a gf!! no words coming out of my mouth.. None... it took a certain touch to make me jump up and tell her my parents wanted me to be back at my trailer and i was late and i left...left running. u have no idea how scared i was to tell shannon wut had happened. (well i left out umm some parts but.. yea i told her and she didn't bite my head off.) point is.. it took that for me to realize why Shannon was so worried about her. when i look back on it all i get it. but while it was going on i was too stupid to get it. i thought this year would be better since she was too old and wouldn't be at the show but no...her little sister made it and Lindsey was there again. URGGG! she still was up to her shit. the girl want fn leave me alone!! i did avoid her like she was a disease but she snuck up on me.... i dk wut to say. i mean i dk how u can make her see.... i should have listened to my gf. and they were right (they being the people i talked to about it all) if a guy had been doing that with shannon i would have been pissed too. hell i don't want a guy looking at her. i f see some guy checking her out i step into his way. You see the guy as a prick and Shannon saw Lindsey as a bitch. You gf don’t see him in that way (yet) unfortunally (like with me) it might take something to scare her (like with me) for her to see him for wut he is. I hope she can “open her eyes” b4 that happens tho. I dk..I just want to take up for his gf. People calling her unstable and damaged goods! I’m unstable and damaged goods……..Shannon’s been like the best thing for me! About a year ago me and Shannon got into a little argument over Ash. When Shannon gave me the “it’s me or her” I looked right in her face and told her I’d pick Ash over her. Now I would pick Shannon over ash. U just got to give us damaged people some time…. Now Don’t get me wrong.. I don’t like wut the guy is doing to her but ….I honestly don’t know wut can be done about it. She is the only one that can stop her relations with the prick. urgg. that's alot of rambling i did...

Originally Posted By: rvbapocalypse

her problem is that she wants to please everybody, and if she cant, she sides with the person she knows wont forgive her if she doesnt side with them.

So you be that one...???

I don't really have alot to offer, I have finally outgrown putting up with stuff like this. Either she loves you and will respect your wishes, or she doesn't and well, you know the alternative.

Sounds like she has some growing up to do hon...but how can you watch someone treat your girl like shit? And how can you watch her take(ask for) it?

Just doesn't sound healthy to me.

naw, she knows that i will forgive her for hanging out with him or whatever, but she knows also that if she were to tell him off he would be mad at her, I will not break up with her, no way in hell, and if i had it my way i would go break that son of a bitches nose, It drives me crazy knowing that she wont let me do anythign about it...GRRR, and know I'm worried cause i just got a call from her saying that we cant hang out tomorrow, and she was bawling her eyes out and wouldnt tell me what happend, and i cant call her back cause her phone is not working and she is only using her cell and it doesnt have any minutes left!! I wont break up with her but i am really worried about her and i dont see how i can help her...

Okay honey, it's time for some tough love. Quote:she knows that i will forgive her for hanging out with him or whateverWhy the hell are you putting up with this shit? It makes no sense you coming here, ranting on and on about this guy, yet you allow it to continue. What part of "toxic" you don't understand? Honestly, you have no one to blame but yourself. Quote:but she knows also that if she were to tell him off he would be mad at herWho the fuck cares about this guy!? He's an abuser. An ABUSER, honey! People go to jail for this type of shit. She needs to let this person go for good. Quote:I will not break up with her, no way in hellWhy? She isn't your girlfriend anymore. She's your problem and the way to get out is to break it off. She has MAJOR issues that YOU CAN NOT solve for her. Quote:It drives me crazy knowing that she wont let me do anythign about itYou rather listen to a girl who's not right in the head instead of people telling you you need to get out of this unhealthy situation? You need to do this for YOU. You need to put YOUR FUTURE first. She has problems that SHE needs to deal with. NOT you. Quote:I'm worried cause i just got a call from her saying that we cant hang out tomorrow, and she was bawling her eyes out and wouldnt tell me what happendThis really isn't healthy for the both of you. You need to break this up now, before it get's MUCH worse. You guys are toxic to each other and need a LOT OF TIME to heal emotionally. Quote:I wont break up with her but i am really worried about her and i dont see how i can help her... Honey, you CAN'T help her because you're not doing anything for whatever stupid reason you have. And not doing anything is acutally making things worse.Why won't you just break up with her!?I know I sounded like a real cold-hearted person, but it has to be said. I called it as I see it. And what I see is NO relationship. I see is people getting hurt for no reason and no one's doing anything to stop it.If you truly love this girl, you would do the right thing and let her go, so she can get her head straight and heal her emotional scars. Wouldn't you rather see her happy and healthy instead of miserable because you refuse to let her go?I know I really blew up but this situation really is sick and it truly makes me sad that this is happening to you, of all people. Please, just end this "relationship" you have with this girl and move on. I can't stand seeing you hurt like this.

putting this guy u hate aside.... how is the reslationship with her? or can u not put him aside cuz he's involved so much? b4 i say wut i'm thinking ..i'd like to see the answers... If u don't want to answer that's ok too

well, as i see it, we are happy together, we love each other deeply and want to stay together for a long time, we've only been goign out for just under five months, but i dont ever want to be with anyone else.

so the guy is the only thing u two have "issues" about...correct? That's wut I'm reading it as.
maybe she's not completely over him and still has feelings for him. U maynot want to believe it or try to denie it but if she was 100% over him she'd kick his sorry ass to the curb.
i know wut i feel about Shannon but truthfully.. i don't know how she feels about me. She could like me cuz Iwe have all theses horses and Iwe let her show some of them (pluse I found out mom gives her free coaching...another reason she could be "loving" me, or my looks or that I let her have her way. OR she could really Love me. I want to think it's real but wut if it's not... I like to think it is.. last summer i wasn't completely over Lindsey.. i guess it's why i was allowing her to do the shit she was doing... It took the "trailer incident" to see her for the slut she is.
Wuts it going to take for ur gf to see the jerk he really is? I dk..

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her problem is that she wants to please everybody, and if she cant, she sides with the person she knows wont forgive her if she doesnt side with them.
a close friend told me (more than one time) that he would hurt me in order to protect/help me. I got pissed at him for telling my parents i was still huffing and that's wut he told me. tough love sometimes is better than forgiving love. maybe you shouldn't forgive her so easily when she does wutever.

I don't know wut to tell u to do or try. I don't want to tell u to dump her. If Shannon had dumped me then we wouldn't be at the place in our relation now. Actually if she had dumped me I probly would have went back with Lindsey.. (and got laid that night in the trailer. lol )