Female ATA Members

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Hello Female ATA Members!! I hope you're OK. An unusual question - perhaps - but I was curious. If your boyfriend - who loves you and whom you love - told you [In confidence - of course] that his best friend and he were physically, intimately close to each other [They would occasionally masturbate each other - that sort of thing] would you be OK with that?! Would you 'allow' him to satisfy that 'need'? Or would you give him an ultimatum of either being exclusively with you [When it comes to anything physically intimate] OR with his best friend? I've often thought that the ideal girlfriend/wife [FOR ME] would be one who accepts my 'need' to be close to my 'best friend' and who would support that special relationship. She would not feel threatened by it in any way for I would have no desire to be in a 'relationship' with my 'best friend'. She would love me enough to want me to be happy - and if that meant that I continue on with what I have with my 'best friend' - that's OK with her. The more content and fulfilled I am - the better boyfriend/husband I will be. [Or so goes the fantasy]Like I said... I was curious. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!! PS I don't have a girlfriend or 'best friend' - so this really is based on a fantasy. OF COURSE - guys can answer this question too!!

Hello Craig! Well, I would be happy that he felt he could come to me and talk about it. But honestly, if I felt that he was 'the one' I wouldn't want him with anyone else. I would consider that cheating. Even though it is with another man instead of a woman...it's still cheating in my eyes. On that note, I have been in two 'open' relationships where the guys didn't mind that I was with another woman and I didn't mind that he would sometimes be with her or all of us together, whatever. lol. But that's something that was talked about and agreed upon long before we ever became serious about each other.

Hmm..As a guy if my girl friend confronted me with a situation like that.. I would probably be too big of a loser to let her go if I cared for her.However, I can't say I think its a good idea. I personally view relationships as 1 on 1. one person to one person. this seems to take that and just run far off into left field with it.Even if you don't really feel any "relationship" value towards the friend.. I sorta view taking it sexually as .. hm. whats the word... Lets just say "taking it one step farther" then just being "friends"Hey whatever floats your boat. However, I must admit something just seems.. off..*edit Have you been watchin gay porn? lol >.<

thats the same as the guy having a need to masturbate his best woman friend. i dont care what the gender is, cheating is cheating.

Well said >.<

thanks, but seriously, if i had a guy tell me he needed to be with a guy and a girl to be happy, id kick him straght in the nuts. well...maybe not..but thats how i feel about it

Hello Craig, hope you're doing well also! Hmm, that's quite a question you got right there!I have no problem with people who are swingers or polyamorous. I always believed as long as a couple are open and honest with each other, then there's no harm in exploring each other's sexual desires and such.But, for me, I'm a monogamous person. If my boyfriend told me he wanted a special, sexual relationship with a friend of his, I wouldn't be okay with it. I personally believe that sexual intimacy should be one-on-one because it's the ultimate closeness between two people exculsively.So, if he loves me but wants sexual release with another person, I wouldn't be able to understand completely. I know people are different when it comes to sexuality and I can somewhat see how the experience is different. But, I would question myself, like, why am I not enough? Am I not satifying him? To me, it's almost hurtful.I know he loves me and that is why I'm confident about our relationship. If he checked out other women, talked to an ex, or watches porn, I'm okay with it because I know he loves me more than anything in the world and, in my eyes, it's not cheating. But creating another sexual relationship with someone else, that's treading hot water.Bottom line for me is, I would give him an ultimatum.

depends on at what point.To be honest with myself if it was someone I had been with for a while I'd probably feel hurt but, let them do it anyway just because I'm that gullable. then again I'm a pretty pathetic guy >.<

"i dont care what the gender is, cheating is cheating."It's not cheating if the partner knows, as was stated in the original scenario.>>>"if i had a guy tell me he needed to be with a guy and a girl to be happy, id kick him straght in the nuts."Why? Is the subject not even allowed to be discussed? Seem to be a bit of an over reaction.Craig, I think it's the very rare women that would ever consent to such a relationship regardless of how much she loved you and how much she trusted you. Sex seems to have a much different meaning to them, it's all wrapped up in intimation and emotion and is a reflection of greater intimacies. At least it seems that way to me.Unfortunately society seems to dictate that bi men make a choice as to their sexuality. You either must be gay or you must be straight. There is no room for anything in between and little or no tolerance or understanding of your desires form either the straight or gay communities, at least as far as bi-sexuality in men is concerned.

wacking off, no matter what images are in your head while your wacking away, is NOT FUCKING CHEATING.

wtf are you on about? i said nothing about the images in your head while you are whacking off. i dont care what you think about.

Quote:wacking off, no matter what images are in your head while your wacking away, is NOT FUCKING CHEATING.Erm. So then its still not cheating if a girl is whackin me off with her mouth?The issue isn't wacking off. The issue is SOMEONE else wacking YOU off.

I honestly don't know if I would be okay with it, then again, I don't know if I wouldn't be okay with it.

If I truely loved 'him' and we had a close enough relationship that he felt he could come to me and talk to me about it, I might be able to concider it. But it'd have to be something we really talked about because I don't know if I would actually be able to 'share' him on that kind of level without truely understanding why he felt he needed that.

I'm not trying to drag this down to a "lets debate it" type situation. merely throw out food for thought.If it starts with your boyfriend getting a hand job while masturbating..No matter how much you trust him he could want to take it further.If he does thats when it gets strange. Or what if its a girl? I mean I know for all intents and purposes the OP stated his friend was a guy he wanted to do it with. However, nothing to stop it from escalating..

why would he need somebody else if he's got me? that should be the first thing. and if I found out he was messing around with another girl. whether she was giving him a back massage or rubbing his feet. that's my man and if you touch him you die . but if he wanted that also I'm sorry I might have to kick his butt to the curb . "and take your homewrecker with you!" lol

Hi Everyone!! Thank you very much for ALL of the great responses!! One of the reasons I asked is because - several years ago - I had a female friend. She knew all along that I preferred guys sexually but wanted to marry me all the same. [Some would classify me as 'gay' - but I hate labels] She truly loved me [So she said - and I had no reason not to believe her] and all but convinced me that we could have a great marriage. There was more [Isn't there always?] to WHY I didn't want to get married to her and most of that 'more' had to do with the fact that I just don't see myself as the marrying type. [With a girl or guy - which is my choice - being a Canadian living in Canada] It did create in me a fantasy that I often think about - however. And wanted to know if my 'girl-friend' was most likely kidding herself [And me] or if she really meant it. AND I've often wondered if such a marriage could work. Now I KNOW [And so did she] that I have absolutely no interest in anal sex and that 'mutual masturbation' [For sure] and 'oral sex' [Most Likely] would be as far as I would ever go with a guy. [And is as far as I have ever gone - with the exception of one clumsy attempt at trying to 'prove' if I was really gay many many years ago by unsuccessfully trying anal sex. I can talk more about that if you like.] And I don't mean just any guy - like someone I meet in a park. [Something that I would never do] I'm talking about a 'best friend' - someone I really knew and really loved. Hmmmm.....I guess maybe - I'm just starting to wonder if I'm going to die alone. Here I am - 44 years old - and have no one special in my life. I haven't had sex [No matter how one defines it] in over 10 years. I've never had any problem getting girls to like me. So I know that I could quite easily find a girlfriend. If only 'they' pushed my 'Gotta have that' button!! lol OK - I'm starting to ramble. Any thoughts?!GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

So you're wondering if you could have married this woman (who you liked as a friend) yet maintened male-male sexual relations with you male friend?

Maybe you just don't want anyone really?It just seems wierd that you don't want anal.. So really anything you plan on doing could be done with a woman 0.oMaybe your just a loner? it doesn't really seem to bother you like it would most people..

Originally Posted By: sdpSo you're wondering if you could have married this woman (who you liked as a friend) yet maintened male-male sexual relations with you male friend?Hi sdp!! I hope you're OK. In response to what you asked [quoted above] YES - in part - that is what I've been wondering. But I was also wondering [thinking back on the friendship that girl and I had] IF she really meant what she said. At the time I assumed [for the most part] that she was just so much in love with me that she wasn't really considering the consequences of being part of such a marriage. And I didn't really know [and I still don't] if it would have been a loving thing for me to do - to say 'Yes - I'll marry you'. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

Originally Posted By: Nny

Maybe you just don't want anyone really?

It just seems wierd that you don't want anal.. So really anything you plan on doing could be done with a woman 0.o

Maybe your just a loner? it doesn't really seem to bother you like it would most people..
Hi Nny!! :smile:

I hope you're having a great day.

Maybe you're right. Maybe - MAYBE - I just don't want anyone in my life. I am a 'loner' - but I'm not so sure it's by choice. I've been surrounded by a LOT of unbelievably 'troubled' people in my life. [Alcoholics, drug addicts, those with often severe emotional and mental problem, etc.] that I learned to fear [basically] the idea of being involved in a committed relationship. Most of the relationships that I've seen - first hand - have turned ugly. And how some people can go from being a seemingly loving, caring person to someone the Devil himself would be proud of - makes me wonder if getting involved in a relationship is worth the risk.

As for not wanting or desiring to engage in anal sex - I can understand why you might be puzzled by that - IF you believe that sexual orientation is about sex. I don't see it that way. I think sexual orientation has very little to do with sex and almost everything to do with emotions and feelings, etc. My desire to be with a guy has far more to do with just being with him than it has to do with having sex with him. Then again - I've never really been a very sexual guy.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!! :smile: