Why did God create woman?- To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?- The swallow.How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?- Call her.Why do women fake orgasms?- Because they think men care.What is the definition of "making love"?- Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?- Slow down and use a lubricant.What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?- Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?- None, let the bitch cook in the dark.What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?- One's mad cow disease; the other's an agricultural problem.Why does the bride always wear white?- Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?- Nothing, she's been told twice already.
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Humour
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Hahaha!! That second one is fucking brilliant!!
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The last one reminds me of this airline that I (unsuccessfully) tried to book a flight with last year.
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In the spirit of equality....Whenever a man has something to say, you can be sure a woman always has to have her say in the end...He said... Want a quickie?She said... As opposed to what?He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.She said... You wear briefs, don't you?He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?She said... Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.He said... This coffee isn't fit for a pig!She said... No problem, I'll get you some that is.She said... What do you mean by coming home half drunk?He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.She said... Well, you succeeded.Priest... I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.She said... Who's gonna look?He said... You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?She said... No, have you?He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?She said... Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.She said... Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?She said... I would, but you're never there.He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?She said... That's a good idea... You stand by the ironing board, while I sit on the sofa and fart.He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?She said... Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat bastard.Stolen from Angel.