Married man addicted to sex pls help

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i've been married for 3 years now. i have a son and i love my wife and son to death but it seems like i can not get my mind off of other women sometimes. i know a lot it has to do with getting married young but i really want my marriage to last and stop cheating.ever seen the movie "i think i love my wife" thats how i feel sometimes but worse b/c i end up sleeping with the women. i've had numerous of different women that i've slept with that my wife does not know about or even have an idea about. and it seems when i meet another woman i just want to get in her pants and i end up sleeping with her or having sexual relations in some way.i used to be the big player type growing up and i thought that once i got married i would stop my ways. i even promised myself i wouldnt cheat or do any of that stuff with other women. that barely last a month. i lie to my wife so much about things it almost seems like i'm living a double life. maybe i am.my job requires a lot of traveling and i seem to somehow always meet a woman and have sex with her at her place or in a hotel etc. i know u must think "how can you love your wife if you're out cheating with her" but deep down inside i really do. its just so hard for me to say no sometimes. even to just look -- i look at hot women and i find them sexy or beautiful and i just imagine them naked or having sex with them. i really want to become a better person, husband and father but its so hard to say no or to stop or to not go up to a very attractive girl and get her # or talk to her and eventually have sex with her. its like an addiction! what can i do to stop. i know when it comes down to it I can only control my own actions but how do you stop something you enjoy doing. I enjoy having sex. any help or words of wisdom will do pls!

Welcome to AfraidToAsk, phantom01.Unfortunately when people hope that a change in legal status will change their personalities they are always disappointed.Have you tried a sex addiction program?

No, I have not. Never really looked into it, really, but sounds like a good idea when I get a chance.Do you know anyone who has attended and has been successful ?

Have a look at this link.Is it the sex your after or is it the fact that your getting away with something, or is it maybe a feeling of wanting to retain some autonomy outside of your marriage? Is it all that coupled with, "just because I can"?What are you, the person inside your head, getting out of these encounters, other than momentary excitement?

well said helms, i was thinking the same thing, but i didnt say anything because my version probably would have gotten me banned :P

well, since you gave me permission, don't ban me! :P i warned you.to the OP: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? GROW THE FUCK UP, THIS IS NOT A FUCKING ADDICTION ITS YOUR RETARDED IMMATURITY! YOU DONT NEED TO FUCK OTHER WOMEN, YOU HAVE A WIFE TO MAKE LOVE TO! IF I EVER MET YOU IN PERSON I WOULD BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU, CUT OFF YOUR DICK WITH A BIC RAZOR, AND PUT IT ON A PLAQUE FOR YOUR WIFE BECAUSE IM PRETTY DAMN SURE SHE'D APPRECIATE IT AFTER FINDING OUT WHAT YOUR FUCKING DOING TO HER, AFTER ALL SHES DONE FOR YOU! SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU, AND YOU DECIDE OH HEY THAT OTHER GIRLS HOT IM GONNA TRY TO GET IN HER PANTS WHILE IVE GOT A WIFE AND CHILD! OH, AND ABOUT THE CHILD. IF YOUR WIFE FINDS OUT YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON HER WITH MULTIPLE WOMEN, SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA DIVORCE YOU AND TAKE THE KID WITH HER, AND IM GONNA FUCKING LAUGH IN YOUR FACE BECAUSE NO CHILD DESERVES A DOUCHEBAG FATHER LIKE YOU! GET A FUCKING LIFE AND CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING ACT.

sorry if i went overboard, but i feel very strong negative feelings towards cheaters. you can delete it or clean it up if you want, but im happy with what i said

no no, im 16 and your 44. where did you get 18 from?

oh so true.. but a life is useful too, isnt it?

You sound to have a compulsive disorder, that you dislike. Have you heard of the AIDS pandemic going around yet? Well, it's not pretty. I deal with HIV/AIDS patients all day, every day, and believe me, it's ugly. Sometimes, it's a Mexican housewife, who's never been with but one man her whole life. The man, Machista as we say in Spanish, tries to sleep with as many women as possible. Now...do you realize how evil that is? To not only cheat, but to turn around and infect your "loved one" with a terminal disease? That's the ultimate in disregard for life. Commiting suicide with by own actions is one thing, but handing someone a life sentence due to your own personal pleasure...well that's pure evil. And I deal with these "husbands" in a professional manner, since it's my job, but inside I want to ask, "How could you do that to your wife?" I have no sympathy for you, you are like most self centered folks (men and women) who are only out for themselves. In this day and age, we don't need people like you. Sorry. Maybe you'll turn your life around someday.

"Maybe you'll turn your life around someday."Maybe this was his first step in looking for help to stop what he's been doing. Maybe he really wanted help. Maybe he really needed help. Maybe he's tried to stop engaging in such destructive behavior and has failed. Maybe he wants to change and maybe that change isn't easy for him. Maybe he knows what he's doing is wrong and maybe that's why he asked for help to curtail this behavior. Maybe he won't be back because when he reached out for help all he got was called and ass and told that he needed his dick chopped off.I guess here, in this case, he should have been afraid to ask.

If it's genuinely a compulsive disorder (which it may or may not be), then phantom01 would have no control over it, and telling him how bad it is would make no difference. Genuine compulsions can be treated with medication, but not by willing them away.

phantom01 does know already that what he is doing is wrong. What he needs is help to do the right thing, and I don't know that telling people they are evil and douchebags really helps much.

I agree, OldFolks. And I think the questions you asked were good ones.

To all who have replied --Thank you for your time and comment -- whether it be a good or bad advice or negative response towards me. I really don't mind and I appreciate your time.I really don't know where to start...Reading some of the comments made me feel like a true piece of shit. Honestly. I really wish I had the time to type out my entire detailed situation but I think I had summarized it enough in my first opening post.I know what I do is wrong, and I am well aware of the consequences if I were to get caught. My wife would kill me; and take me for every penny and leave me and I would probably never see my child again.Trust me, I know the consequences. It is really the sex I am after. All I can think about is getting down the hottest girl's pants and having sex with her or just "getting some ass". I was also the same way growing up when I was in high school; I would have three girlfriends at a time but also be sexually active with a few other girls at the same time. Only once did I get an STD and that was NGU (chlap) and it went away. After a day's treatment I said to myself this is a wake up call and I would stop my ways but I got very lucky. That last about a month.I know someone said it before, but I really do need to grow up. I want to, but it's so hard. Trust me, I have gone one month already without it and most of it is through prayer and I am just begging God to help me. Right now I know I have gotten away with a lot. The past few days have been so rough for me and so tough that it's so hard to even look at a female and not think of having sex with her. I even started going to a new gym just so I can feel like I have a new start. Too many of the females at my old gym (my fav gym, too) I had encounters with or I had their # to get with them. Sometimes I take off my wedding ring and I've actually been wearing it for a month now. I know it's stupid and if I tell you how hard it is for me, many of you (if not all of you) reading this would think "Just keep it on, be a man, it's not that hard, respect your wife, et cetera."Couples/Marriage counseling is out of the question. Maybe a counseling for me or a therapist I could go to but that's about all I would engage in. My wife does not have the slightest clue about this. And also, someone mentioned about her meals and laundry and everything -- I know. I once was away for three weeks and had a side girl and when I came home I did everything around the house - EVERYTHING. And at first I thought to myself: "Wow I am being a real caring husband and good father" but when I look back it was only out of guilt and remorse that I wake up early to take care of the baby, prepare breakfast, wash dishes did every load of laundry and cleaned the house, etc.I sometimes really feel like I live a double life. I have an e-mail account which I used to talk to certain females with and now I try not to log onto it. In fact, I have several of them e-mailing me but I am not e-mailing them back. I even had a cell phone which I paid for with calling cards which did not have a mailing address so I wouldn't get a bill or anything, but I threw that in a lake last week because it has over 30 girls phone numbers.Bottom line, what I am really trying to do is be a good husband to my wife and good father. I have tried so many times and promised myself so many times but I have obviously failed miserably. I know it's a little too late for that now but I really want to clean up my life and do the right thing.

well thats good that you are making progress, but you'l have to do better than that. if you can, shut down the email accounts you use to talk to other women. start spending more time with your wife, and try to train yourself not to think about other women sexually. if you ever get in any situation with a woman, and things heat up, take a moment to think about the loving wife you have, your child, your life. think about what you are doing to them. i know i was a bitch earlier, but that was because i was in an extremely good mood and shit like this pisses me off. dont ask me to explain how that works out. but seriously, you know you have to stop doing this. its been a month, correct? see? its not all that bad, living without all the sex. now lets set another goal. stay away from other women for the rest of your life, and persue the loving relationship that you should be having with your wife.

The first thing to do is close the e-mail account, burn the numbers and get a new cell if to many women have your number. The idea is to give yourself as many fail safes as possible so you have time to think before you act. Look into a sex addict program where you can have a buddy you can call when you think your gonna lapse.Speaking for myself, I think sex is just a vehicle to fulfill an emotional/ mental need. So what is the need that's not being met, that you are trying to fill? And don't tell me her pussy I think its more than that if you know what your doing is wrong and are "praying to god" to give you the strength to quit.It's one thing to fantasize but quite another to act on those fantasies. Do you think it's an addiction, if so why or why not? Why is your wife not good enough? Does she not do the things you like? Do you respect her to much to want to do the things to her that you like? Does she spend all her time on the kid and not have anything left over for you?Think about it, why do you need this strange? It's normal to want it and fantasize about it by why do you have to have it?Maybe I'm naive but I gotta think there's more to it if your trying so hard to quit your cheating and still fail. Are you trying that hard? It sounds like it by your post.It doesn't seem to be making you a happy person so why engage in something that seems to only complicate your life and add stress to it? What else are you getting out of it?

I really don't know what the need is. I just want to experiment or have something different. My wife is beautiful, and I am not just saying that because she's my wife. My friends (also some who are cheaters) would call me stupid for cheating on my wife because she's so attractive.

Do I think it's an addiction? I think yes. Why? I used to have a gambling addiction and that was so hard to stop, but finally did when my wife found out about my bad habits. They are both similar, but this one is so much harder to stop.

My wife is awesome in bed. We have the best sex and we do pretty much everything so she fulfills my needs in that aspect and we do it pretty much on a regular basis. I love having sex with her more than anything. So why do I go out and cheat anyway? I don't know! I just do!

After reflecting on myself I find myself in regret and remorse but during the engagement I really don't feel like that like I said, all I can think about it "getting some". At first (about five years ago) it was like this -- "okay I've never been with a Asian -- let me try Asian; then it was okay I've never been with a Black -- let me try Black, 30 year old, 40 year old, big breasted, small breasted, big ass, no ass, and then finally the best looking girl with nicest body, etc.

After a while it was just okay let me just get some to get some I wanna try different pussy. Or "Wow she's hot I wonder what it would be like to fuck her doggy style" or "Wow I would love to have my dick between her tits" and then I would just pursue it and eventually we would have sex.

Right now I'm away from home again just feeling like shit and wanting to stop. My work is high profile, and as mentioned, I travel a lot. Reason I am posting all this is to see if there is anybody else out there with the same problem that can probably help out or say "yeah I've been in your shoes" and tell me its possible to fix or what they have done to help themselves. And also for people out there in the real world to realize how asshole husbands like me are exist and how stupid people can be.

Everytime you think about having sex with another woman, think about this instead;

Imagine a big, hairy man on top of your wife thrusting away, and covered in sweat from the effort of it. Imagine her lips wrapped around his dick, and the disgusting smile on his face. Imagine her moans of pleasure, his cum all over her face, him doing her from behind, in the shower, on your bed, or with her straddling him.

Think of how hard he pumps away, with no care for how your wife feels, just pummeling her with his penis for his own pleasure, using her like meat.

The rage your feeling? The jealously, the anger, the pain, the betrayal? That's what you're doing to your wife right now and everyday you cheat.

Everytime you look at an attrative female and think about sleeping with her, look away and towards the nearest man. Now think of him doing your wife instead.

That's pretty well said. Now for me to apply that into my mind is my mission.

I like robins suggestions and think is a useful tool to employee but I doubt it, alone, will always be enough.>>>"Do I think it's an addiction? I think yes. Why? I used to have a gambling addiction... They are both similar, but this one is so much harder to stop."I do think, from what little I've read here, that it seems to be a compulsive behavior that your aren't really in control of. As for this one being harder to give up, it probably will be. Sexual compulsions are often the hardest to overcome and most often it's a matter of learning to live with them and how to manage them, rather getting past them. It can be done though, so don't give up hope. I would encourage you, however, to get help from some kind of support group like, Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or a therapist or both. This place (Afraid to Ask) can be an avenue of support as well but a therapist or SAA will be able to give you more of the kind of specific support you need. Here's another strategy you might find helpful in dealing with your urges. Every time you encounter a woman who you want to hit on, tell yourself, "I'll hit on her in an hour". When the hour has gone by and she's still around, tell yourself, "I'll hit on her in thirty minutes". When the thirty minutes goes by and she's still there, tell yourself, "I'll hit on that in 15 minutes". Then seven minutes, if she's still there, tell yourself, "I'll hit on her next time I see her" or better yet leave, get out of the situation. The idea is not to tell yourself that "No, I can't have this", but that "I can have that, I'll just hit it later". Then hopefully later will never come. Realize and tell yourself everyday, "I may fail, in my faithfulness to my wife, tomorrow but I won't fail today". Try to think about some other strategies you can employee to stall for time when your about to lapse. Try not to think about "never", instead think about "not right now". Lastly don't worry about trying to get through the rest of your life without cheating, only worry about getting through today without cheating. Take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time. I really, really encourage you to find a SAA group that you can call for support when you feel like you can't make it. Beyond that, I think, you would probably find therapy to be useful and of course we're always here. In what little we can do, I think you'll find that we will do our best to be what support we can._______________________________________________________________Listen to Helms on this, START NOW to take control. Don't put it off.