Vent time...

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So it's been a while since I've posted in this part of the board, but I just have to vent.I'd already had an awful week so far as I started a new job and I hate it.Last night was my leaving party from my old job, and a girl who I used to work with, who I've liked for ages now came along. She was really interested in coming, and there had been prior flirting previous to last night, so I thought I might have had a shot.The night begins and everything seems to go pretty well. She decides the best place for her hands to be is on my legs, and keeps them there. I have my arms round here and there is frequent and long-lasting eye contact, but I'm not sure if it's cos she's drunk or not.This goes on for a while until someone shouts out "kiss him for God's sake", at which point she turned round to me and said "I think you're great - but you're not my soulmate". Talk about a one hit kill.That was pretty much it for me. The rest of the night was taken up by her ex-housemate saying she'd find her a man, and how she can't find a decent bloke and stuff.It really got to me.Then she decided to go around picking up random guys.I felt so low. Lower than I have done for a long time. It's one thing to get shot down by someone who you think is amazing (after lots of flirting and touching) but to then have her blatantly rub it in your face is something else.And that bought me back to the realisation that I am rapidly approaching 24 years old, and I'm still a virgin who has never ever really had a proper relationship. Everyone I know is now married, engaged or in a serious long term relationship. I'm literally the only single person left out of everyone I know. It's making me think that I'm basically 100% undesirable. It's really depressing to think that I could be alone for the rest of my life.I'm so distraught by these thoughts and events that I am now unable to sleep. All I can think about is how alone I feel and what a waste of carbon I am.I don't know what to do.

Hey, I don't know how it goes in the UK, but here in America, 24 years old and not having a proper relationship or anything is fine! My sister, 24, has probably only had two or three relationships and I don't think any of them got too serious. It takes a while to find the right person, but you can't be sad and saying to yourself that no one wants you, because if you act like the fun, regular self you are, SOMEONE will be attracted to you. Just so they know you're available and you are who you are and nothing eles

Well sadbuttrue, atleast you're not alone. Im approaching 19 and still relationship-less, despite my continued effort to change it. And yes, it is hard to sleep sometimes. Maybe in the next life we'll have better luck.

I find the dread increases 100% with every year that goes by for me. So you'd still have 5 years to fully experience how sucky it feels.
I'm trying to figure out what to do about this girl I like. She said that i'm not her soulmate, but she was pretty much blind drunk, and she HAD been flirting with me?
I just don't know what to think.

She definitely sounds like she was flirting with you, the shit part is that I don't think she was serious about it. From what you described, she seems to be one of those people who's got the looks and knows it. Those people can often be very insecure and need to know that she is liked as often they glide through life on mostly their looks.

I see what you're saying, and you could be right...butshe's very self-concious about her weight, and was constantly making sure I knew she was single and didn't want to be.I'm crap at reading signals but if a girl is touching me and looking right into my eyes and saying how she doesn't want to be single any more, I would take that as a good sign - but like I say, I could be wrong.I asked her to meet up when she gets back off her holiday - reckon it's worth it or should I just give up?

Its absolutely worth it, you'll never really know unless you try. And you don't want to miss what could be a good thing.

Thats what I'm thinking, but at the same time I think I already know what she's going to say.That could just be down to how it usually goes with me. I guess if anything it will work for closure of the situation, and will give me a tough situation to face that will strengthen me ultimately, though will make me very weak for a while.I have massive trouble with letting go though. The last girlfriend I had (excluding the brief encounter last xmas) was over 3 years ago, and I still think about her a lot.What a crappy week

Well too often we think that someone is gonna say exactly what we don't want them to say. Its just your head trying to protect you from being hurt, the truth is that you don't actually know what will happen so you might as well find out.And I understand completely not being able to let go, I'm the exact same. I still have thoughts about every girl that I've liked, not just ones that I've been with.

I think it may be worth a crack still, if you guys enjoy each others company take control of the situation, it may turn out that you are indeed her solemate.

Tell her that you enjoy spending time with her and that you would like to try to see if you guys would work out, if u dont try you'll never know. Nobody is perfect and she will eventually realise this and she could have missed her chance with you. Do her a favour, ask her out.

Also women are more proud than us guys, she may have made that dismissive comment coz you havent made any form of move and shes trying not to look like a knob in front of her friends. She may have been talking to them a lot about you and by ur lack of action she may feel your not interested so hiding her true feelings to save face.

Yeah, thats what I was thinking when looking back on it. I had so many opportunities to kiss her that I probably should have taken, but didn't because 1) I've only ever done it once before 2) I didn't wanna ruin the night and 3) I'm a big chicken.Like I say I've asked her out for a drink so we'll see what happens.

Originally Posted By: HelmsmaNAs for the other "issues", it'll happen. Are you working all angles, or just "waiting for it to happen". You need to MAKE it happen. Didn't you give me the exact opposite advice? You said I should be like the "Zen Master" and "let it come to me, and wait". what gives?

This one has hit me a lot harder than I initially realised. I can't stop crying. I'm broken

OK, here's a funny one.Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it does!I went to an old boss' BBQ tonight, and out of the blue, with no warning to me, an ex-girlfriend turns up. The one I had just before xmas. The one who deliberately avoided me since.So I had a lovely awkward time with a girl who I used to date. Superb. What next? I can't wait to find out.63 hours without sleep and counting Tried to eat today but couldn't keep it down.

Companionship all the way. To be honest the thought of sex scares me a bit. Too many variables.Before this girl turned me down on Friday I was the most content I'd been in a long, long time. She was in my arms, her hands in mine, and we were just talking to each other, looking into each other's eyes. It felt good, and it felt right. She seemed to be enjoying it too.But as soon as she came out with the soulmate line, it was like the skies turned grey and a centralised storm appeared directly over me. I felt like I was empty and had just been shot. I've known and liked her for a year or so.All I want is a female friend who I can spend my time with, being close. I don't have anything like that. All the girls I know are not single, and being close to another guy doesn't really have the desired effect! I just wanna cuddle up and feel happy, warm and comfortable. I think it helps balance me out a lot.But every time I ever get even close to making a step in the right direction, something catastrophic happens which sends me into a recluse ball of neurotic energy. Just when I get the confidence to think "Hey, maybe I'm not such a rubbish person after all", I get sent rocketing back into the abyss and have to start from scratch.I just feel so empty.

I think Helms is right, sadbuttrue. You're hanging your life on your success with women. That puts your happiness in the hands of others. It's only when you are happy within yourself, when you don't need a girlfriend to feel validated, that things will turn around. Then if it doesn't work out with any particular girl, it won't matter; and you'll find that you have more success.

I have been for the past 8 months doing fine on my own. I was quite happy being single. But I have always admired this girl.So when I decided Friday would be a good day to see if anything would come of it, it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I never expected to feel so cruddy after that happened, but I do. It doesn't help that my new job has weakened me.I guess it's because for 8 months I had no intimate interaction with girls. Friday was the first time I'd ever held a girl in my arms since the one I mentioned before xmas.I'd forgotten what it felt like, and it was a big rush of positive energy that I felt, and was quickly snatched away from me again.Helms: yes I suppose I do have a "core group" of friends. Though my level of interaction has dropped over the past week due to the new job (which I am seriously thinking about quitting - for my own sake).I don't feel I have to replace anything. It's just that I long for the closeness that you get from that sort of relationship. I'm always at my happiest in that sort of situation, probably because they're so few and far between. It's like a drug. I crave it so much because I can't have it.I can be pretty sure that there was no neediness implied with this girl. None whatsoever.

I've checked out craig's list before, but there's no-one even close to me, and any that are even far away are in their mid to late 40s.I've tried the online dating thing too, but I never get any responses to anything I send out.

Porking is different!

I'd rather be comfortable in companionship before hopping into bed to do the bad thing.

Once I'm more seasoned, then maybe I would consider that sort of thing, but right now it's all about finding someone to cuddle up with and share thoughts.

Well just had the evening. She didn't say a single word to me, and instead told my mate she had no interest in me whatsoever.
So contact has been cut. I literally have no way of talking to her. So that's good.
Shame I don't feel any better.