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So.. I just got into my dorm a week or two ago.. been pretty good considering.. I have no issues staying in it and I enjoy it... things have been pretty rocky lately..I'm debating whether or not to go home.. I have been sorta sick this last week.. My parents offered to come get me if I didn't feel like driving.I can't say I want to go home.... but, I guess I feel I should.. If for no other reason then they have a pretty big medicine cabinet.. Its not like there are very many real advantages to going home... Aside from real food and medicine... I guess I feel I should go because they know I'm sick and if I don't go.. I feel they will hold it over my head....I dunno I don't want to go.. but, it probably really wouldn't hurt anything at this point... So.. do you think I should go home?

If you arn't that sick hon and you don't want to go then don't! I would imagine your folks are just jumping in and offering to take ya home cos they are worried about you, its what parents do. I always want looking after when im ill lol so maybe you're torn between that, and wanting to do this by yourself? It will show a lot if you don't go home at the first sign of things not going quite right, for both you and your folks, however, saying that there's nothing wrong with going home for a bit and getting a bit of TLC either ok i was no help at all huh :P

That sounds excellent advice to me.

I am not really concerned with "TLC"... they can take it and keep it.All I am really concerned with is if I'm not better by monday and I don't go home they will hold it over my head.Seeing as they are the ones with money.. that could really hurt later on.... Especially when grades roll around. "you didn't want our help then and look how it turned out, why should we help you now"

Why should they help you now?Because, like you, they don't want whatever happened in the end to happen again. And you're their kid! Plus, it'd be the right thing to do. Try something. Fail at it. Make adjustments. Succeed.Yes? No? Maybe? -edit-Plus, there are ways to succeed without their help. It's not like they're your only option. Plus, you could show independence by getting through it yourself

Heh. I can get over illness without them fine. However, It would be alot of financial burden to attempt on my own.

I dunno how sick you are or why you would have to go home for being sick, but anyways...> However, It would be alot of financial burden to attempt on my own.I think it all comes down to this: How bad do you want to be on your own? If you want to be on your own really bad, you will realize that it may be a lot of financial burden, but you'll still try to make it through.If you're not that serious about being on your own, then just go home for now.

Its a no win situation. I actually went home... knowing that if I didn't they wouldn't hesitate to hold it over my head. Now my father (who offered to pick me up last night) told me next time I am sick don't come home.

He has no sensitivity, it seems.

I suspect they see you now as having, at least partially, left the nest, so they no longer expect you to come back (except when scheduled). I think that's probably a good thing.

Originally Posted By: NnyI am not really concerned with "TLC"... they can take it and keep it.All I am really concerned with is if I'm not better by monday and I don't go home they will hold it over my head.Seeing as they are the ones with money.. that could really hurt later on.... Especially when grades roll around. "you didn't want our help then and look how it turned out, why should we help you now" Our daughter just started school \a few weeks ago in another state.(12 hours away) She wanted her independence, she got. She got really sick with the fever and chills.She called and told us she was sick and we were about to go get her when she said she wanted to go the the on campus medical clinic at school.She's doing a whole lot better now and feels like she did it on her own. Sure we paid for it, because we gave her a check card for emergencies like this.Does your campus have one ? Check into it.As for your grades dropping... It happens to at least 90 percent of all freshman. It's most of their first time ever really being out from under their parents control and they go a little wild staying out late, going to parties, forgetting to set the alarm and over sleeping just doing all of those totally fun things that they couldn't do before when they were at home... It's a HUGE learning experience for most of the kids. But most of them figure it out that first year if not first semester...Go to the campus doctor and make smart choices

Hahah.Let me give you a full idea of the situation since it seems its unclear for some of you. (thats aimed at everyone in general not you inelig).First week of school my grandpa goes to the hospital on my first day. I don't get to stay on campus for a few hours after my classes and do my homework as planned on campus. Plus I am making a one hour commute there and a one hour commute back.Next week. I am still making the commute but, being led around in circles trying to find the key to my dorm because they keep telling me "come back later" and I end up walking out of my way to get it. Being there 6 hous early on more the one occassion and still not getting the key.Week after that. I am finally trying to settle into my dorm and get on task. Just trying to get use to going to mathlab to help catch up on those grades.following week my grandfather dies on monday (labor day) so I miss more then enough class that week.Now this week I have been sick.Thursday my father called and said 'we can come pick you up if you want to go home'...I go home last night (friday) and that night he starts talking about how "next time you need to stay on campus and not spread your germs around" and how "its rude to go to someone elses house sick"If i hadn't come home he would be all pissed off that "your tryin to hard to be on your own and your only gunna make it worse, blah, blah do badly and we cut you off"Now that I'm here.. I am oh so rude for "endangering the family"

That explanation makes things pretty clear- wow, that's a lot to happen just as you're starting college. Hopefully though, things will calm down now for you, and you'll be able to catch up and relax a little as well.

Good luck!

I'm sorry for your loss. It is so painful losing loved one. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you. It sounds like the past several weeks have been like hell. The stress can make you very susceptible to catching something and becoming sick. As for your father’s remarks, from what you wrote they were uncalled for and should not have been said. Perhaps he is taking his anger out on you in dealing with the death of your family member too.If you feel he really meant them, then I would always be busy when invited to further family functions including Thanksgiving and Christmas.Keep it loose dude.

Hah... The old man was in pain it was his time.My father grieving? He never admitted it but, I get the idea he hated the old man.Yeah... I probably will be busy for thanksgiving. "oh sorry.. big concert".Only problem is sooner or later they are gunna kick me out teh dorm.

Uh, what?

I'm sorry, but those things you described don't sound like much stress at all. I'm guessing you just don't handle stress well.

I still don't get why youh had to go home...?

I don't recall refering to those things as stress personally.Look. let me explain why I had to go home.My dad is fucking retarded.He said I could come home and they would pick me up.If I didn't go home... he would have gotten pissed off and threatened to cut me off (or do something else just as retarded) and chewed my ass out about how its stupid to stay at my dorm while I am sick.As to how I handle stress. I personally feel I handle stress fine. I don't freak out ever, I don't panic.Maybe I should go into details.First week My grandfather goes into the hospital. I have to go home straight after my classes are over. This is a negative impact because I know damn good and well after I get home I am not going to want to do homework. Sure enough after I get home.. I don't do home work because I'm tired and sorta done for the day. (five days a week first week. really bad way to start it off)Second week. I get a call on monday telling me I can get a dorm. My first class is at 2 in the afternoon tuesday. I get at school at 10 just to make sure I will have time to get the key. They keep telling me to "come back later" which is probably at least a half mile walk out of my way no matter where I go. Did that for about 3-4 times that day.Wensday. I go back after my first class. they say come back later. I go back later that day. Finally at some point in the week I don't even remember when or how many times I went back. I just know they told me AFTER i had been in there at least 4 times that I had to pay off all outstanding debts plus the dorm itself in full or set up a plan before they would give me a key.That sunday I finally get my shit in there. And that week I am trying to catch up on 2 weeks of missed math hw. That weekend there is no food in the cafe because its labor day weekend so we have to go off campus for food. Labor day my grandfather dies meaning I miss 2 full days of class (which is alot when you have math 4 days a week. well 3 that week) and the one time I was there.. we had a test on material I didn't know. Hw on material I didn't know. an online test on material I didn't know. AND the teacher wasn't there.Then I was sick all this past week.Not very "stressfull" i admit. But, thats alot of bullshit to deal with for the first semister of college... first weeks of college quite literally.

Maybe all those times you knew you had homework, you should've actually done it?And why did you miss 2 days of school after your grandpa died? I mean, he might've meant a lot to you, but yuo can't just not go to school for 2 full days.Sounds to me like you're not ready for the workload college requires.

It sounds to me like automatically assume you know all the factors invovled =/.I missed 2 days because the wake was one day and the funeral was the next. I was a paul bearer. There were no emotional reasons for missing class at least not in terms of mourning. Couple other reasons as well but, no point in dragging them on. Unlike my brothers who have the luxury of having school right down the road so they only have to miss one day my school is a full blown hour away.Oh please don't give me any bullshit about "work loads" there is only one class I'm worried about and thats math. And currently its a bs class the way its set up anyway.. Hell its the reason my parents even let me get a dorm =/."work load" I'm sorry to break this to you but, even if I only had one class a day that would still be 5 hours of time before I got home to do my home work.I know how I work. I know that if I would have stayed after school I could have done the work with little to no problems. however, I knew damn good and well after the drive home I'd be out for the day. Its not an issue of "being ready" its an issue of.. some people know they are gunna take a shit in the morning after they wake up. Some people know they are gunna do it right before they go to sleep. We all have our little quirks in how we work. I know mine.Not that I had a choice in going home straight after class =/Hell.. Its not like I didn't do any of it. did I miss a good bit? yeah.. I still managed to get some of it done.I don't have any problem with my classes in general. Just math. So your making alot of assumptions about the experience in general.. when I should probably point out its one class which at the moment is pretty screwed up to begin with that I am having issues in.

Since you never reveal these facts until after I post, I have nothing to go on. I'm just assuming the things I can with what you write.And I'm sorry, but it sounds like a bunch of excuses to explain why you aren't doing so well.> even if I only had one class a day that would still be 5 hours of time before I got home to do my home work.That's great. 24 hours in a day, minus 5 hours of time leaves you 19 hours to sleep eat, and do homework. Sounds like lpenty of time to me.> I know that if I would have stayed after school I could have done the work with little to no problems. however, I knew damn good and well after the drive home I'd be out for the day1) Why would you be out for the day? You're telling me you go to sleep no matter what, even though you know you have homework? What's wrong with this picture?2) If you just drop dead asleep no matter what every day when you get home... why not do your homework before you leave for home? Then you can come home and pass out right away and know that your homework is done.Either way, you're making excuses for why your homework is not done. Get it done and your grades will improve.

I don't deny having math always been a weak subject. Infact they put me in math 155 which is for people who didn't score high enough in math on the ACT =/. The class is suppose to go over things slower then the 161 class however, it isn't. We just have alot more work.The point about it taking 5 hours wasn't that I don't have time. the point was thats a huge ass out of the way trip.1) Why would you be out for the day? You're telling me you go to sleep no matter what, even though you know you have homework? What's wrong with this picture?No. I am saying I will sit there knowing I need to do home work.. look at my math... Even start to do it. Get about 2 problems in. say "fuck it" and stop. Or start to do it.. stare at it for 30 minutes.. book open and starting to do it.. but, not actually do it.2) If you just drop dead asleep no matter what every day when you get home... why not do your homework before you leave for home? Then you can come home and pass out right away and know that your homework is done.I already pointed out that was the original plan doing it on campus where I could get help however, people going to the hospital sorta alters plans. Sleep isn't the issue. Once I get home thats it... I just lose any and all focus or will to do anything work/school related.