Maybe im being silly.....but

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ok guys sorry if this post is rather long and i would understand if u all just ignored it together, oh and sorry any typos or spelling errors.Well where 2 begin i guess i should say that life isn't very good right now never has been, not for a very long time. You see sometimes i feel there no point 2 me, like if i died no one would miss me manly cos i don't talk much. Anyway why am i here, i have no life sometime i feel alone i have a gf but she in other side of the world in canada and i meet her on internet havn't even had a chance 2 meet her face 2 face yet. I know her for a year now and she even more messed up than i am. Sometimes though i feel she would be beter off without me like i don't even deserve her and i don't, i mean im aloser i havn't any friends...not one....never have really not a real friend. I almost always got left on my owe in school. Even in the class room i was on my own which made me rather sad. As for girls well, this girl in canada is my first gf...at the age of 20, i never even kissed a girl before. In 20 year before her no other girl has so much has looked at me...well apart from 1 but as it turned out she was teasing me, she was the popular long blondie and i was the loner, after about a week i thought maybe she was for real, until she asks her friends 2 tease me also and after about another week they went back there bf's or went and got 1 and she went with a nice lookin guy who every1 knew etc, pretty much everything im not. And so that was that, no girl took interest after that. Who can blame her really, me being what i am, a loser, a freak and oh yes a dumb ass. I say dumb cos i onky ever past 1 grade in school which was art C grade, but only just passed it and i hated art at the time.i tryed going in school, i went into sixth form like collage and failed that. All this mean i have a crap job which i hate and will most get fired soon anyway. im sorry if this going on abit u can ignore this post if u like i would understand. U see last july my nan died old age so i guess she had a good life, but when she did she had her family around her and when look 2 the future i can't but think im gonna just pass away with no1 taking any notice. I want a family of my own someday (many years from now) but this girl can't have kids and finds it very hard 2 like a 1 or 2% chance now so i wont be having 1 i guess plus i have problems with sex. I want 2 die happy but i don't think i can,i think my life will get worse or maybe im just being an idiot. Well i dunno what else 2 say i think there are some other problems but i think most would fall sleep by readin it all and im sorry it was so long, lol it could have been much longer. I know there are ppl out there with hard times than me and tht problems are small compared 2 theres which makes me feel bad cos maybe im being selffish or something, i just needed 2 type this out for some reason.Well if any of u did find the time 2 read this then thank you, but im not expecting many answering, which is fine

Well it is good that you are open and talk about it. Sometimes people need to vent. You seem to think very low of yourself and you sound very depressed. The first step is you need to STOP thinking so low of yourself and get some positive thoughts. You need to focus on what you like about yourself and if you dont like something try to change it. But you need to gain some self confidence.You said you did very bad in school. Well you are only 20 so you can still go back and change that. There are alternative schools other than just public school. I would suggest you look into that. Its never to late to change your life.I hope that things get better for you. You say you have a girlfriend so you do have atleast one friend. And if shes with you she obviously cares about you so thats something positive in your life. You need to do things that you enjoy and find fun. And ultimately set goals for the future. If you dont have goals in your life then it feels like theres no point in living, trust me ive been there done that.

i tryed stayin on at school like collage, i knew my grades were not good enough 2 just go into a job so i went into what we called sixth form but i failed at that too, was told my problem was that i never asked help at school or at work which was is true i didn't and i still don't, manly cos i belived i didin't deserve help or that if the other kids could do the work without it so can i, but i couldn't and it will happen again plus going back costs money. As for goals well i dunno what goals 2 set they always seem out of reach. And my gf well like i said she in canada and never seen ALL of me soon as she does she will run a mile, i hate my body, everything about it i just hope she really likes me when she comes and visits.

You've got to motivate yourself to finish school. Do not be afraid to ask questions no matter how stupid you think they may sound because the teachers are there to help its there job. I always felt stupid asking questions also, and i didnt start asking until my Junior year and i wish i would have started a hell of alot sooner. Goals are supposed to seem out of reach at the moment thats the point. It gives you something to work towards and eventually accomplish. If you hate your body then you can change it. I dont know what you look like but if you are out of shape or overweight you can change that you just have to motivate yourself. You really need to come out of the "im worthless no body loves me depression phase" You need to bring yourself into a positive state of mind and stay that way. You control your life no body else, your decisions and actions will determine how your life plays out. Best of luck to you again.

Hey Star,First off, I'm not giong to sit here and give you the same advice everyone gets here "do this and this and you will get better" like MMA is doing. Nothing wrong with that, but I don't think that helps anybody in the long run (has it helped you? probably not).So anywy, I'm going to give you some advice from someone who knows what depression is like, so I know the sort of things you're going through.> i mean im aloser i havn't any friends...not one....never have really not a real friendI know how you feel. To this day I don't have anyone I could consider a real friend, I just have people I associate with. But I used to think just like you (how I'm a loser and all that) but I eventually just realized that I don't give a fuck what other people want to think of me. Once you start thinking (and believing) that, you'll notice your attitude change, maybe making it easier for you to meet people and become friends?> i have a gf but she in other side of the world in canada and i meet her on internet havn't even had a chance 2 meet her face 2 face yetYeah, I dunno if that's the best idea. You said she's got problems too, so it sounds to me like you guys aren't really gf/bf but are just there for each other to help you get through the shit you have to deal with. I wouldn't call it gf/bf, and I think you could agree with that.> i tryed going in school, i went into sixth form like collage and failed thatSchool is great and all, but there are other options. Yes, life would be much easier if you could just go to college and get some nice shiny degree you pay a lot of money for, but it's still not necessary. But if you decide to not go with college, you gotta be prepared to do what it takes to get by with a (at least) decent job.Where do you work? And are you really about to get fired or are you just saying you think you will?> I want a family of my own someday (many years from now)That's great, but it sodns to me like you need to focus on other things. Having a family is no joke and shouldn't be taken lightly, so try to focus on other things (job, school, whichever you do) first.> I know there are ppl out there with hard times than me and tht problems are small compared 2The thing about being depressed is this: There is no "worse" or "better" depression. It affects every person a different way. For example... I, personally, wouldn't mind being in your shoes because whatever I'm going through seems so much more than anything.Same with you... if I told you all about me, you probably wouldn't mind being in my shoes because it'll probably soudn better to you.Point is, you can't compare one man's problems to another man's problems, it doesn't work like that.> maybe im being selffish or somethingI know what you mean on that, too. Only thing I can say is: Fuck it, if you need to talk, you need to talk.

Well first off i for some reason do care what others think of me not a shallow sort of way i just don't want 2 be thought as a loser and a dumb ass even i am.As for the girl well i've know her for about a year and maybe your right....yet she wants 2 live here in england with me which i also want. My job well that sucks, i work on a construction site putting scafhold up, ppl treat u like crap telling u this and that and just being plain evil. As for being fired well i've been fired 2 times already cos i wasn't needed and info gets passed around easy if the boss is think about firing u it normally gets passed around the men. They start asking 2 do things want 2 work all day daturday and all day sunday so the supervisor got rid me and as it turns out he not allowed 2 that so i got it back. The point is i only got this job because my moms bf was the forman there after this i dunno what im dunno do next.I know havin a family is a big step which is why i said a few years (like 10 years down the line) but i don't want 2 just die without no caring or maybe i shouldn't have a family just be on my own for the rest of my life, would be easer no?Well dam i writen another essay...i am.sorry,

for some reason do care what others think of meWhy? Don't you want to live your own life, not the life other people want you to live?> As for the girl well i've know her for about a year and maybe your right....yet she wants 2 live here in england with me which i also want.Well, all I'm going to say is: Don't expect her to move to England anytime soon.> The point is i only got this job because my moms bf was the forman there after this i dunno what im dunno do next.Well it's obvious you don't like your job. So why do you stay with them? Is it because of the money (I hear construction pays nice) ?Sooner or later you're either going to get fired or quit, so you'll have to find another job. Might as well start looking now.> just be on my own for the rest of my life, would be easer no?It'd make things about 10000000% easier, yes.But if you want a family, you should have one (someday). I hear it's a wonderful thing, though I couldn't tell you that myself.

Its not that i don't ant 2 live my own life(i don't really have 1 anyway) but i want ppl 2 like me but they don't.And girl has already been in england try 2 find me but things got mixed up and she had 2 go back it was a HUGE mess, she should be coming again in a week or 2. She got a visa and so on so she can live here with me.I stay with my job because jobs are hard 2 find where i live i live in the middle of nowhere and i can't drive only way i get 2 work is by my moms bf giving me a lift there every day and certain parts pay nice but not as much as it used 2 i get £9 an hour for a 20 year old with 1 grade next 2 his namei wouldn't get half as much as that anywhere else wish my skills. life would easer yes but i'd be alone and always crying like i did before, but 2 be honest i dunno why any kid would want me as a father. So maybe i should be on my own but then there this girl she would be heart broken.

Sorry I can't reply much... got some own shit I'm trying to deal with right now.But I can tell you that the first step to things getting better is you need to stop putting yourself down all the time. How do you expect things to get better if you keep telling yourself you're a loser and no one wants you?Anyway, maybe someone else can help more...

well thank you trying and i hope u get better also i would like 2 help if i can but i dunno if im good at thing stuff or not

It's nothing anyone can help with... I'll just have to figure it out myself.Hope you feel better too

Originally Posted By: StillSearchingSorry I can't reply much... got some own shit I'm trying to deal with right now.But I can tell you that the first step to things getting better is you need to stop putting yourself down all the time. How do you expect things to get better if you keep telling yourself you're a loser and no one wants you?Anyway, maybe someone else can help more... You just said almost exactly what i said but yet u say i was wrong to give him the advice i did? If he doesnt "do this and get better" how is he going to get better? Sitting around all day and saying im a loser isnt going to make him better.

i never meant 2 make this into an argument, anyway i don't know would make me better i just think that im gonna stuck like this forever which is not nice i have 2 say.

I only said that because was just trying to give him a hint in the right direction. A place he needs to go.Like I said earlier, that advice really doesn't help anyone, and it didn't help him either when I told him.And my problem with that is that you just say "get better" and that's it. You don't tell him how to do it or even why.

Yup i said "get better" thats exactly what i said in like 3-4 paragraphs. I told him what he needs to do i didnt say just "get better" i told him he should focus on going back to school i told him he should do things that are fun for him and make him happy, i told him to set goals for himself, all of which are pretty self explanatory. I dont mean to come off like a prick but you should go back and re read before criticizing what i say, im just in a bad mood so oh well.

i don't think school is an option anymore, and as for fun things well i did like 40k but i was rubbish and i can't paint so i gave it up, i have started again but its just not the same as i have no1 to play anymore.

If that is your picture u dont look like a bad looking fella so you shouldnt be so hard on yourself about looks. Is there anything else you like to do for fun other than the 40k which im not quite sure what that is.

Well i had many girls at school tell me im ugly and many guys too so i wont disagree with them. As for 40k, its warhammer 40,000 u know those lil models u paint and stuff i found it fun but i was useless at it and still am.http://uk.games-workshop.com/warhammer40000/

But if you enjoy it you should do it. Its not about being a pro at it its about making yourself happy. And as far as people downing u about ur physical looks dont let it get to you. Im rather short and i was at the gas station a couple hours ago and this stupid hic bitch yells "that lil boy aint old enough to drive" and i didnt say anything cause she just made herself look like an idiot. Some people are just assholes.