I met this girl the first week of college, and we hooked up. However, our relationship started to get more friendly and less sexual from there. We ended up becoming really good friends and started hanging out, eating dinner together, etc. It was obvious we were both attracted to each other.Things started heating up towards the end of November/beginning of December. We eventually ended up having sex. Over winter break, she came to my house about 5 or 6 times and we would talk and watch tv for a while then go have sex. She would literally beg for me to fuck her during foreplay. She always commented on how great the sex was and we definitely had alot of chemistry in that department. We also went on our first "date" and saw a movie together.So everything seems awesome, right? Well, not so much. I'd like her to be my girlfriend and have an exclusive relationship. Right now she very well could be, rightfully so, hooking up with other guys.We're back at school now and she lives in a dorm building that is somewhat far from mine. I know there's a kid there that she has had sex with before and is good friends with. I think I'm way ahead of him in terms of progress with this girl, but given how close he lives to her I'm not sure I can maintain that. I'd like to cut him out of the picture and have her be my girlfriend because I think I really love her.The problem is how to do this. Confessing my love to her or asking for a committed relationship just won't work I think. I've read that in these situations the guy should wait until the girl opens herself up first, and if the guy does it, it comes off as needy and kills attraction. The problem is, she just won't do it! I keep getting that sense that she wants to say something, or she wants me to say something. Help me here. Is there anyway I can communicate to her the possibility of a long-term relationship without ruining what we already have?
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How can I make things official with her?
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You just have to ask yourself: "if she doesn't want a relationship, then why keep wasting my time; and if she does, then what am I waiting for?"If you let this go on undiscussed, you'll just find out later that she either only wanted you for a good fuck, and end up being hurt; or that she liked you insanely but grew emotionally distant from waiting for you to make the move... and end up being hurt and full of regret.Maybe you are not the kind of guy who likes to make the first move, but she is the kind of girl who always waits for the guy, in which case, you may or may not be right for each other anyway. (Isn't now a better time for finding that out?) Quote:I'd like to cut him out of the picture and have her be my girlfriend because I think I really love her.Yeah, let's not do any cutting, eh? Quote:I've read that in these situations the guy should wait until the girl opens herself up first, and if the guy does it, it comes off as needy and kills attraction.So? Needy? So? Some girls are like this, some guys are like this. If she cannot accept that about you, then, again, you two just might not be right for each other. (Isn't now a better time for finding that out?) Quote:Is there anyway I can communicate to her the possibility of a long-term relationship without ruining what we already have?Is there something about what you already have that you like? I get a feeling that what you already have just isn't enough for you, which befuddles me as to how you can then be worried about losing it. If she wants a relationship, she will be thrilled, if not, isn't it better finding out now so you can still have time to recast the line before the sun goes down ?Anyway... that's just my poor, semi-logical, non-experience-based advice. I have a problem using logic too much where it doesn't belong... so probably best to wait for someone else to help you. LQ
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Thanks for the reply.You're thoughts are good, but how exactly do you bring up the topic of further developing our relationship? I just can't think of a way to say something without sounding incredibly childish and...i don't know, weak.My best idea now is the next time we hang out, or maybe in bed after the next time we have sex is to just say something like, "So, we've been hanging out alot, have you thought at all about our relationship getting more serious?"
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Quote:My best idea now is the next time we hang out, or maybe in bed after the next time we have sexI've been told that it is better to have these talks either before sex or when sex is not involved at all. I know it is a hard topic to bring up. The only times I've ever brought it up are online and when intoxicated—which might have had something to do with the unsuccess of the talks. It probably helps to just bite the bullet and do it... which I know is easier to say than to do I wish I could be of more help.
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"Can we consider ourselves officially a couple?"
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Originally Posted By: Ineligible
"Can we consider ourselves officially a couple?"
Good idea.. Put the pressure on her while keeping yourself in a rather cool and uncompromising position. You might want to be even less direct though, maybe ask her something like "So what do you consider us to be?" Or "where do you see us going?".