Hi Everyone!! I hope you're having a great day!!Intimacy is scary. It involves being genuinely, emotionally close to someone. The trouble is - the closer we are to someone - the greater the chance there is of being hurt. But intimacy [Often defined as 'love, closeness and tenderness' - among other things] is what most of us are really seeking. It's what we REALLY want. It's what we are REALLY looking for in a relationship. But because most of us are afraid of what might happen IF we get 'too close' to someone [And if THEY get 'too close' to US] we have [often] settled for something that leaves us feeling even more empty and alone. And that something is SEX. A few years ago - before 'Brokeback Mountain' was released and shown in theatres all across the country - it was shown to a select group of people in order to see how an audience would respond. This is often done with movies in order to see if any more editing should be done. Interestingly - a few people felt uncomfortable enough with the movie that they left the theatre. But what's most interesting about that is WHEN they left. Those who left the theatre didn't leave when Ennis Del Mar [Played by Heath Ledger] had anal sex in a tent with Jack Twist. [Played by Jake Gyllenhaal] They left when Ennis and Jack were being INTIMATE with each other. [Which took place a little later in the movie] It was NOT two guys having SEX that upset some of those who left the theatre. But two guys being INTIMATE. That was a clear example of the sort of fear some people have of intimacy. Can a person have sex with someone that they also have an intimate relationship with? Absolutely. And that's when sex is wonderful. But many of us - I believe - are using sex as a substitute for being intimate. So it's no wonder that so many of us feel even lonelier and even more 'empty' inside after having sex. And that's because we expected sex to make us FEEL more intimate with someone. But it doesn't always work that way. In fact - I think it rarely works that way. Which is why - for many people - sex is a disappointment. And no wonder. Oh sure - having sex can be fun WHILE we are having sex. But if sex really lived up the 'promise' of making us feel 'whole' and 'content' - then why are so many people still so lonely, sad and 'empty' inside - even if they are having sex? And why are those who have had multiple sex partners even lonelier still? [Which is often the case]Using my signature quote but the changing the words a little - I came up with the following."It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be INTIMATE with someone than it does to have SEX with that someone!!" Do yourself a favour. The next time you have sex [Or the first time you have sex] ask yourself how 'intimate' you are with that someone you are thinking of having sex with. If you don't feel that there truly is an emotional bond with that 'someone else' - then maybe you should work on that BEFORE having sex with them. Or simply chose not to have sex at all. At least not until you find someone that you can be intimate with. I should also say that intimacy is a BIG part of what makes two people 'best friends'. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!
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Having SEX when what you REALLY want is INTIMACY?
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That post really got me thinking - it's very deep. Made me feel a little uncomfortable reading it! (and on a random sidenote - I love brokeback mountain, it makes me cry!)
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Wow.... sighs. hmm.. I agree with pretty much all of that.. So hard to find a relationship in which you can have intimacy... and then even when you find one.. there is no garuntee it will last >.<Oh well who needs people... There is always music to fill the void : D
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I am 32...it took ,me 16ish years to figure that out....I just hope our youth figures something out from it. I didn't see the movie by the way. I just know, that intimacy IS more than sex. Sex is fun....Intimacy is WAY scary!!!!
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lol... Sorry to break your dreams.. but, I must say I really don't have that much faith in people in general will be figuring it out soon.
Also.. in my last relationship... a friend pointed something out.. My ex and I had... or at least we could have had the kind of relationship most people won't have until they are far older then we.
Whether thats true or not I can't really say.. I think it might be true.. maybe thats why we broke up.. I want to believe its true but, I'm not gunna judge. However, in honest if your 32 and realize it then thats a lot better then most people. hell both of my parents are either 40 or close to it.. I don't think they realize what its like to have a relationship on a deeper level.
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It is only hope that some one will figure it out sooner.
My man and I have INCREDIBLE sex, when it happens. Though, there is a respect there. I have had the flu for a week, and I don't even kiss him. He appriciates it... which means, no kiss, no sex.
We STILL enjoy each other.We still talk, and we still understand each other. He knows EVERYTHING, and I feel safe...That was harder than the one night stands I had...There IS a difference in sex and intimacy. And I NOW know that. I just wish I understood before him, better.
I knew stuff was not right before, in other relationships...but this one...I could love him forever without sex. We just click I guess. But he IS AWESOME in bed. And if last time were the last time. I would be happy(ish), because of the rest of the connection we have. Sex is, um the icing on the cake. I can't say I KNOW I would be happy forever if last time was it, but, I can't say my man had disappointed me. We are still closer than sex has ever brought me to anyone.
URGH, did I make a bit of sense????
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while you did make sense.. I must admit I haven't had sex yet. (yes odd I know I'm 19 and a virgin).I know what its like to be in a relationship and be ok with not having sex... I think what your trying to say is that IF you are already intimate... sex can be used as a physical representation of that intimacy which can be used to get a sensation of being closer to the other person however, its not nessicery. .. I guess you could say its a tool maybe?
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I wont argue against your point, I can see it, but I have intamacy, what I want is the fucking! I get my share of it, maybe more than my fair share of it, but I still want more of it!slippery kinky fun iflled fucking is what I crave!Im just lucky enough to have one woman Iv been with for several years that I love outside of the sex to have it with.
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Quote: I just hope our youth figures something out from it. i have.. i think it's wuts changed me. (not the sex...but her)i don’t think no one wants to read a long post about me and her tho. lol Quote:I knew stuff was not right before, in other relationships...but this one...I could love him forever without sex. lmao... i feel that way about my girl. tho i dk i like our sex too. lol she has a bad day sat. I fixed her up a bubble bath and rubbed her back, shoulders and belly.. basically i was bathing her. i told her after i was going to have to borrow her bathroom to whack off and she laughed and threw bubbles in my face. at the moment touching her like that i felt that way tho after i forgot all about it and just wanted to sit with her and make sure she was getting relief from the pain. ok so you got a long past about me and her anyway.. lol
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Perfectly.
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lol.. I know its wrong to envy but, I must say I envy your relationship man.