I havent got any confidence and have no life experience whatsoever. Today I was invited to a party but I couldnt go because I am a loner and have no-one to go with.I could have went anyway, but I dont have the confidence. In fact I dont have any confidence at all. Somewhere in my life it was all destroyed.Now I am feeling like I want to kill myself. Tonight was a potential redefining moment of my life, if I had had the guts to do it, I would have overcome my problem (or tried to at least).But I chose the easy option and ran away, as usual.
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What is wrong with me?
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Well, maybe start out small. You could just talk to people one on one, and then expand to a larger group.
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You don't need to have someone to go with to go to a party. Things like that are uncomfortable, but it's important to do uncomfortable things, to do things you don't want to do at the time. That's how we move ahead and widen our world.
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That's what I have been trying to do, but I never know how to ask these things.Not many lads want to hang out with just 1 other lad, and because I am a loner, what am I supposed to offer them instead?If I had a group who I was out with (i wish), and then invited someone to come out with me/us then it would seem perfectly normal.My biggest fear is that I do not know how to mix with people.I think I have something wrong with me. Its like I am cold and methodological. I need time to process my thoughts and think about the repercussions of what I am saying and doing.Facebook, TXT, MSN, and web forums allow me to do that, but in real life I am just a loser and this cannot change with my lack of confidence.People think I am quite 'normal' online (MSN etc) and find me funny and whatever. But in real life I am scared.Scared of people and scared of life. Scared of failure and rejection.
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The excuse I gave was that I didn't know anyone. And I didn't. I was not lying. I was only invited as a Facebook friend (although I do enjoy talking to him on there and know him quite well), and have met him once before, but he had never really made any effort with me since then so I dont know why I was invited really.However I still wanted to go because it would have improved me and my life to have experienced a party like that for the first time. I didn't even need to stay very long, all I had to do was show my face, have a few drinks, and then leave.But I find it hard to enjoy myself/laugh/let my hair down, and I am not going to dance/flirt either because I am destroyed with my confidence (and I have never tried any of that anyway).So with that in mind, if I have to 'make friends' whilst I'm at the party, do you not think it is a waste of time? Because surely I will not succeed.
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All you need to do is change your attitude.Yes, you're probably a loner, but only because you tell yourself you are.You don't have the confidence because you don't even give yourself a chance to show some confidence (you tell yourself you have none, so you have none)
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Here is a suggestion that should be of help if you will give it a try. Find a local Toastmasters group and join it. If you are located in some country other than the US, it is not a problem as this is an international organization. Here's a link and their is a local club locator on the web site. --> http://www.toastmasters.org/As a part of this group you will learn to overcome a number of problems that may be keeping you from being able to socialize easily with others. You will find the gamut of people here from friendly and outgoing to shy and withdrawn and not a one will be there to judge you or cast dispersions or intimidate you in any way. Check out the web site...find a local club...go to a couple of meetings as a guest (no, you don't need an invitation or a sponsor or anything like that). Age and gender are not an issue. You will find men and women there from the age of 18 right on up. You will not be embarrassed nor will anyone make you feel ill at ease. On the contrary, they will all be very accepting and try their best to make you feel welcome.You will learn to comfortably speak in public before others and in the process, you will learn many socialization skills as well as meet new an interesting people. Some with problems similar to your own, others who have been there and learned to become less the loner and more the socializer. Sound like something that might help? I bet it would! Give it a try. Good Luck!
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One thing that's wrong is you won't go to your party?
If someone asks you to go then go.
You don't need anyone to go with.
My problem is that i don't get invited to parties at all.
You should take advantage of "your problem"
and go to that party and meet some people
if there's drinking there, no ones gonna pay attention to who your with, all they'll know is they probably forgot who they was with too.
So don't worry and just go. -
Yeah, man, maybe get away from the whole computer socializing and use the MSM, AIM, all that stuff a lot LESS.. It's not helping your "real life" situation. When you "chat" or whatever, you have more time to think before you type, go back and edit, etc. You need real life social experience where if you say the wrong thing, you feel the embarassment, and you learn from it in the long run. Most of the time it wasn't even as big of a deal as we thought. But you need real life experiences to expand your horizon, otherwise your only horizon will be your computer monitor.
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I dunno sounds like me. except a little different. for the longest time I was depressed, now my depression has turned to rage. very enraging.Just the other day, I randomly got really shaky no reason, pissed off, wanted to hurt someone, anyone badly.But then I remember I had a piece of pie in the fridge, maybe you need pie? Something to distract you from not having any confidence, start your way to a party or something and if you start worrying have a slice of pie.I'm serious, distraction is the key to success when you're................. Yeah. Depressed I think.
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But then I remember I had a piece of pie in the fridgeThat was the most random thing I've read all week. You win the "Most Random Comment" award.
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The fact that you're posting says that you want to change. A lot of people get stuck in a rut and they give up on themselves. The fact that you want to fix your problem speaks volumes about your potential to do so. I used to be really, really shy and just recently came out of my shell. It was really uncomfortable for me. I couldn't even look people in the eyes when I talked to them because I would blush from being so bashful. Some people say I was just a late bloomer. The point is that I didn't think I could overcome that, but the right set of circumstances came along at the right time and I'm really thankful for it. I think in a few months you'll be making a post to this thread telling your success story.