Kinda needs to be a religion forum on here
Used to when i was a kid, I beleived in God and Jesus
I never thought much about it though, I just went to church, never did much else or thought about it much else. I was just a kid.
As i got older and my life turned shitty from almost every angle possible, I stopped beleiving there was a god.
Why would God do this to my life if there was one?
Plus religion doesnt make sense at all once you really think about it.
But anyway I stopped beleiving in God for awhile.
And over time my life continued to get worse, and throughout it, i thought things like....maybe God is punishing me for not beleiving in him.
Anyway, after my life got in the lowest hole possible, after my cosmetic nose surgery turned out horrible (pics in another thread), which was something i actully sat down and prayed would work out, after my best freind moved, after i lost most of my freinds in school.
I lost all faith there could be a God.
So anyway, I've prayed various other times after this too.
I've asked god things like....well i told him that I don't have any reason to beleive in him, and I don't know if I want to or not, but that if he really is real, i do want to beleive in him, and i prayed for him to somehow help me out with something in my troubles right now, and that if i seem to get some help, it will help me beleive in him.
And i told him that if he shows me something that could make me beleive in him, and that following him does lead up to a better life, then I'll have no problem beleiving in him.
But its just that, you know, I can't sit around and beleive in God and waste my time in that, if my life on earth is just gonna be hell anyway. I think if there was a god, he would have blessed me with a much better life. He wouldn't have gave me one that made me doubt his existance.
And another thing, I think i would kill myself right now if not for two things:
I want to live a couple more years to see if there's any way possible my life could get better.
I want to somehow find out that God is real, or have a reason to beleive, that way before i die, I won't go to hell, if there is such a thing.
Its just....why would God create a life like mine?
Why is it there are tons of people out there leading great lives, and he chose mine to be hell.