I guess it’s time..

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i dk the place to put this.. i know cummunity forum can only be seen by memebers so... it;s why i chose here to put it. it's um.. well i dk... rea dit if you want too.I guess it’s time.. I was just thinking in a few days 07 will be gone and 08 will be here…… what else comes with 08?.. Me turning 20 in April. it’s kinda like shit.. wow I can’t believe I been here for so long. (here as in the forum) and that some (they know who they are) are still putting up with me. Lol it’s been… almost 6 years. 6 long bad and ok years. I thought since I’m in this mood that I’d take it to thank some of the member that used to be here and are still members here. (again you know who you are) I don’t know wut 08 has in for me. I don’t make new year resolutions (if u do wut would they be?) I see no point in them since they never are kept anyway haha. I don’t know really wuts going on and why the last part of this year has turned out ok… I don’t really want too but I think it would be better understood if I did say a few things……. (warring I might start rambling.. this could get long) I joined when I was 14. My older brother found this site probably while looking for porn lol but I saw it in the history and this is how I found it. Plus cuz we shard a bedroom I saw him looking a the site some too. When I first joined I wasn’t CR lol… I wonder who remembers my old SN. Haha it was lil beau. Dang I can’t believe I remember that. I was less than 100ibs and under 5 foot. Major bad stuttering problem but for some wired reason girls liked me. I say it’s my eyes and hair haha. Not much has changed in the girls/women liking me department. lol 0o oh yea I done some major growing up… took forever tho. Anyways.. Anyway I’m not trying to be cocky… it’s just something I can’t really understand. Like how I kinda like it that they like me.. but it scares the hell out of me too. Ok see I knew I would do this.. Your just going to have to get use to it.. I know I jump around but I just type wut is in my head…so… yea.I’m not going to go and ramble about how I met Paul (aka diver) and I honestly don’t remember how I met Pete… (aka ineligible) anyway… I did wut I do and got mad and frustrated at some poster and “went off” ..ok so then I got a PM from Paul and we still buds. But.. I see now that for me it was good that I did that cuz it did bring Paul to me and Paul is who “freed” me. deep breath he talked me into telling my brother. He even started talking to my brother. My brother forced me to tell my parents I was raped. ( I said it…please don’t make me say that r word again!) some shit happened (at home and at school) my mom threw my dad out and he left to live with my uncle on the coast… dad got some anger help and mom let him come home but all we did was move to the coast. (katrina made us move back) I started home schooling after i told but we moved and after we moved i tried school again but then couldn;t take it and hs again... anyway I talked to paul about the shit that was going on at school and that was all b4 mom kicked dad out and b4 we moved. and threw all this i was seeign shannon.. u all knwo who shannon is by now lol. But… we moved that summer and my hell of a life really turned to hell. shannon's mom made her break up with me and I had my own room and she had more access. The only thing good about moving was her people were not there no more. So to me it was ..I dk.. I can’t say better and I can’t say worse. At least I didn’t have to fuck other people.. just her. ..just a hell of a lot more. I told Paul all the shit that was going on when she urggg that r word again… when she raped me at knife point. I don’t think I would have ever told. He just knew something was wrong. He still does that.. I don’t know how but he can just tell … even when I try to hide it. He can tell when I’m high too. Tho I don’t do that no more and it’s thanks to Paul. Paul not only talked to my brother but to my mom too. And he told her I was huffing. …I’m rambling again.. Sorry my point of all this babble is with out Paul I could still be being raped every night (and more) and I would have never met Paul with out A2A……. Not only Paul but Pete and Lance and others (u know who u r). Now that was the ..I dk.. But I can tell now I’ve changed some. I dk if the change has came cuz of my “more adult” mind or cuz of my physical change. I really don’t know. I guess it’s true wut they said.. Things will get better. At least for right now they are better. I got the coolest girl ever (and one that has liked me since I was the small little runt I was) and death is not a option anymore... I can’t leave her. Never plan on it. double deep breath one day.. I’m gonna marry this girl. ..and then I’m going to go broke flying every one to our wedding. Now that is some scary shit. I just want to add too.. I’m working on my rage and out lashing problem when it comes to some issues. I know you can’t help the ignorant and I’m not a good example when I blow up at people… so I’m going to do my best to not blow up… I guess I can say that’s my new years resolution. I think that’s it.. Cuz my mind just went off.

that was a very heartfelt statement and it takes some balls to say things like that if only those things hadnt of happened but atleast youre getting past it and have met some great people and a good woman good luck manand can i crash the wedding?

Quote: can i crash the wedding? it will after college (if we're still togeather) since she is alwasy talking about our kids....... she has no thoguhts of dumping me. dumping her sure isn't in any of my plans. maybe by then i'll have sent u the truck and u can ride on top threw the aile (i dk how to even try to spell aile) u knwo the walk way threw all the chairs at a wedding lol...yea that's wut i mean. ...hahaha maybe u can let ashely ride with u too.

I'm glad things to better for you CR.

hahaha much to her dismay i am taken hence why the flirtation was a minimum, although if ya want a bigger laugh you could let her drive the truck!

thanks s.s. man are you saying girls can't drive good? LMAO you might get beaten up for that. hahaha tho it's true with shannon.. she can't drive my truck (either of them lol) she .. i dk wut she does.. but she can;t seem to turn the rc truck. she runs into stuff while trying to turn and for my truck.. its a stick and she giggles too much when i try to teach her. well maybe if i;d stop saying naughty things in her ear she could stop giggling.. but..yea.

Well done, Caleb. You showed courage. It is a privilege to know you, and a greater one to have known you for so many years.

Cheers to you, Caleb!

hahaha nooo not exactly, just that she'd gladly run me into the wall on purpose

Caleb, I'm very proud of you (I know I haven't known you for the full six years you've been here, but I've known you for a little while at least)! It's just so amazing to see how far you've come; you'll have your good days and your bad days, but just remember keep you're head held high! I'm so glad that you're doing much better than you were Cheers to you!

I sure remember you as lil'beau. You've come a long way baby!

Happy New Year Caleb. I hope things keep getting better and better for you!

Thanks all..This is something I been doing for a while but this time I actually hit submit lol ok yea.. another bad habit I need to change.. Hit submit / send and stop deleting my posts lol I gotta work on that one too. I felt like… I dk how to say it.. I’m really glade she don’t live with us (me) anymore… No one knows but with out the chain of events (finding a2a, meeting Paul and others) she probably would be here now, and I’d be living the same was I was. Right now.. For the last past months my head has been pretty clear and not fucked up. it feels good.

I've been here over 2 years now, and within that time I have seen you change is a positive way. It's awesome to see! I hope the New Year brings even more joy and positive changes for you!

Caleb, you give me strength. Thank you.It makes me feel good to know the positive turn things have taken in your life.

In the little time I have been here, I have noticed a postive change in you too. I am so happy for you Caleb! Shannon is a great girl, don't let her go.

Quote:Shannon is a great girl, don't let her go. tonight i'm going to hold her tight. but serouisly.. thanks all. i dk wut to say.