Feel Like A Fish Out Of Water

---

As some of you know I've been single for about the last four months. I moved on with my life and everythings great thus far. I bought a new car (go me!). Started back to school. Am looking at buying a house for the first time. And anyway back to the sitch I'm in:

While I was still with my ex, he and I hung around a guy named Joe that seemed pretty nice. Well sh*t happened and my ex and I didn't work out. The night he and I broke up I went out with Joe, my best friend Amanda, and her husband Allen b/c Allen's band was playing at a club called Bora Bora that night. Long story short, I was completely, utterly, totally drunk before I left that place. The four of us went to IHOP with Allen's parents and by the time I got home I was somewhat coherent enough to understand that I was indeed a little drunk. Anyhow, Joe took me home and even though I was firmly aware that he coudl've taken advantage of me in the worst way possible - he didn't. He kissed me goodnight and that was it. I went inside and fell asleep.

After that, nothing else happened. I was still hurting from the way things went down with my ex. I didn't want a boyfriend and was perfectly content being by myself. But I knew eventually I'd have to start dating again, so I did. And actually, I was dating three people (no sex involved lol) and still hanging out with Joe but only as a friend.

Somewhere, something changed. I don't know how it happened or what caused it. I was at home one night and he called me after a date I'd been on and we spent three hours on the phone. I was tired when I got home too but the minute Joe called I was wide awake. Anyhow, after we'd been on the phone for about forty minutes he asked me what I was doing on Valentines Day and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with him. So we went to dinner. I had a great time and as I was walking to his car I felt it change. And at first, I felt really guilty, as though I was somehow betraying my ex by trying move on.

Anyhow, during this time Joe insisted that we were just friends which was fine with me. However, we would text each other all day long, talk on the phone at night, we were together at the very least once a week.

So, anyhow, this past Friday I was at his house and we fell asleep. I didn't wake up until 1 o'clock the next day. I've never slept like that. Not even when I slept next to my ex. I would toss and turn all night. Then Saturday night he *asked* to spend Easter with my family and meet my dad (which if any of you know me..I have a severe case of daddy's girl syndrome). I was shocked of course. He *wanted* to spend Easter with my off kilter family. Anyhow, at one point we were headed back to my aunt's house and I mentioned a friend of mine who is male and treats me like I'm his little sister. He got jealous and it kinda freaked him out because he says he doesn't get attached to people. So anyhow, when he dropped me off at home we made it official - we're together. Which is odd because when my ex and I were still together I used to tell Joe that he would find a girl that would change his mind about relationships. I didn't think it would be me. So my question is, now what? What do I do? I mean, they say 10 years out of the dating game will rip you apart but I've only spent two years out of it and I feel like a fish out of water. I keep telling myself baby steps but, I mean, wow...it's just so weird sometimes. I look at Joe and think wow, how much better could I possibly have it right now? And I don't know what that means exactly but when I think about the feelings I have for him it freaks me out but in a good way. I don't wanna run from it but I don't wanna rush it either. Advice anyone?

Congrats on your resent car buy. What kind of car? Anyways, lol, it seems like you have taken that recovery period and are ready to move on. This Joe fellow sounds like a good find. Do what feels right. Follow your heart and I'm confident you'll be fine. Hope I helped a little.

No advice, just congratulations.

Then don't run, or rush hon! Go at the pace that makes you comfy, and if it works, then its great, if it doesn't, get up, and try again.

You're smart, you know :wink:

ha Joe. Well that is great, I am glad you are able to move on from everything. I hope you are able to work through all the problems we had together. (yes I am the ex). I still on a side not do not want to talk but have grown and I wish you the best.

now for my advice:

Joe is a good guy and he really needed someone to ground him. You two are official so just take it slow. You can go buy your own house but he does have his. Just date for a bit and do not make the mistake we did by moving in together so fast. If you play this right you might be done looking around for your Mr. Right.

best of luck.

That's a big-hearted reply, Walken.

Much bigger than any Id of given if she was my ex!Any of my x's actualy.There is a reason they are x's.aside from a single one, Im the one that broke it off, like when they started telling people I was thier boyfriend, or I love.. Thats the time to end it if its not a long term thing.The one that dumped me?She did me a favor, didnt feel that way at the time. but Iv seen her lately, strung out, fucking whore. Besides if i was with her Id never of met the one I have now.Shit happens for a reason, good to see that Walken is better than I am as it would of only pissed me off.

Dude this Joe guy sounds like he kicks ass! I am extremely happy for you. Now what I suggest you do is take things slow. Don't rush anything and most importantly enjoy his company. You never know what will come out of this relationship (and I mean that in a good way). Baby steps is the key to this imo. Again, congrats! I wish you nothing but the best!

Christy ~ It's a Nissan Altima Hybrid with a smart key.To Christy, Java, Ineligible thanks you for your replies. Now let's pray I don't muck it up. My biggest fear is that I let what happened prior to this get to me and then I get in my own way and mess up a shot with possibly the nicest guy on the face of the planet.Walken, I'm almost speechless.Honestly I did not expect to find you lurking around on here anymore. Anyhow, I suppose I really have you to thank. Had it not been for you, I may never have met him. So, thank you. You were the reason we met and also the one who brought up the topic of me dating Joseph. So I'm not sure if you intended it all along but in any case thank you. I'm grateful. What happened with you and me is a closed chapter that will remain....tucked away in a part of my heart for an eternity as a reminder of what I will not let happen again. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't change a thing. I've learned to not regret the past but look forward to my future and reflect on mistakes I've made. I wish you the best with whatever happiness has come your way. I don't know about grounding him. He does what he wants and that's an understand we have. He's an adult and I don't need to act like his mother. As far as buying my own house, the house I'm looking at is also in the Edmond area and close to school. It's still iffy. I'm just looking at it and seeing what it's going to take to get approved. And to be honest, I wasn't looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Anyone. I was just doing my own thing and just happened to look up for a split second and there he was and something clicked.Jedi - Thank you. He does rock. Hard core. He opens doors, pulls out chairs, insists that I pick out the seats in the movie theater (lol), and always tells me good morning and good night before we go to sleep (and in separate places btw lol..Friday was just a fluke. It just happened that I fell asleep on his couch).And Grvty, things happen for a reason yes. It takes two to make a relationship start and it only takes one to tear it apart. But in mine and Walken's case I just think we were trying for something that was never going to work.

Make no msitake, I didnt mean to insult you, I was simply commending Walken for his reply. Had it beenme instead of him that had a past with you, id of not been so nice.I dont know the details of it or what brought it to an end,but in any relationship I was ever in, it never ended good, if it was meant to end good it wouldnt of ended. Im a vengeance filled prick, never doubt that. I was just amazed to see your ex be happy for you and congratulate you.No offense was meant to be taken by you or him.

"Im a vengeance filled prick, never doubt that. I was just amazed to see your ex be happy for you and congratulate you."Why? Once they're out of your life who gives a shit? Why does anything they think say or do matter at all? They're gone.Life is to short to spend what time you have in rage at things that you can do nothing about and that no longer effect your life anyway....says the man who has a prescription for happy pills to deal with his anger.

so long as they stay gone, its all good, I dont care, its those that pop up and piss me off, or the ones i have to deal with because of work or what ever that I get so pissed about.

No offense taken. Yes it ended badly and I won't share details but just because something ends badly doesn't mean you have to hold a grudge forever. I don't know how to do that anyway. I'm proud of Walken for what he said for what it's worth and I hope that he has found something that makes him happy.I'm not a bad person. We just didn't work together. It wasn't supposed to happen for us.

I never said you wre bad, just that if you were my x, and I had to deal with you someplace in the future I wouldnt offer support or help. an I can hold a grudge forever.

Hehe. I'm friends with all my ex's save one. And I hope someday he might come around.

I can't decide whether I go a step beyond you or a step short of you.

When a person reaches the level of me disliking them or holding a grudge, they simply cease to matter. I don't even hate 'em (that's reserved for a special few at a special time). If I really dislike someone, they're existence, for me, has no value. They simply become nothing to me. I don't care what they do, where they go, what they think, or what they say. They just don't matter. I don't care if they die or if they live. I don't care if they're happy or if they're sad. I don't care if they're in euphoria or if they're in pain. They're continuing existence just no longer has any meaning to me.

I reserve hate, for the few. Hate is a powerful emotion that, for me, needs to be applied judiciously where real reason exists. To me, no relationship argument, no matter how acrimonious, could ever elevate itself to the level of me putting effort into hating over it. The focus of hate needs to be honed and directed at those truly worthy of such exercise and exertion.

That's just my warped two cents.

O dot hate them, well a few of them, mostly one of them, but I dont want ot have to deal with them, and I dont need them meddling with my life, talking shit to julie, new BFs talking shit to me. What I had with them is in the past, I ended it for a reason, mostly because i got bored with them in a few days, why does what I did then matter to the new bf? and why do they feel the need to talk shit to Julie? Im not with them, I wont be with them again, Im not interested they already bored me long ago. why have to step back in to my life and try to fuck up what i have going now or have their BF try to beat me up? I have no x's that are not at least over 4 years in the past.if they left me alone, I could forget about them, its when Im forced to deal with them that i get pissed.People I get to hate, they are a different story, it takes alto of energy to hate, not to mention planning and risks as those i hate I fuck their lives every chance I get and I make my chances, no sense waiting for them.I think your on about the same step as me, maybe a half step beyond or behind.

I must be high on drugs because I held so much back. Anyways, I am maturing you could say.

If you and Joe can get along and make it work, why try and bring her down? I got my life here, it is fun and I have so much experience already. So I wish her the best.

Who are you talking to?

the exact person I responded to lol Cenfath