He said: I think she's prettier than you.

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Ok. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a very long time, a year and 9 months. This is in high school years btw. Recently we had gone on a break because I feel like going on a break is like a way for me to get away from the relationship stress and stuff. But we're just still together without the official name. So anyways while we were on our break, we were talking on the phone and I wanted to know whether who he thought he was pretty and I wanted him to be completely honest about it. He told me he thought this other girl was prettier than me. Emphasis on the PRETTIER meaning better looking than me. Even though I wanted him to be honest I was still pretty hurt I wasn't the most beautiful girl in his world. =( uh well that bugs the living sht out of me. because I don't want him to think another girl is prettier than me. And my jealousy got the best of me. We argued for three hours and then we finally made up with each other on the last thirty minutes.Argument consisted of me telling him I thought he wasn't the prettiest boy either. Trying to get him mad, and he said I was being childish for taking this the wrong way. How am I supposed to take it?!?!? He said even though she's pretty doesn't mean he's attracted to her.Is that a bull shit line? Should I even feel threatened by his honest remark?! To me it made my day bad cause now I feel not so pretty...ehh I know we've been dating so long but I still can't help but throw a childish tantrum knowing this. Yea I still get pretty jealous. He tells me he has absolutely no feelings for her, which I believe but its just the fact that he finds her prettIER than me. PRETTIER. Now how should I handle this remark? Even though I asked for his honesty I didn't want his complete honesty like that...I mean couldn't he just say yea she's pretty but whatever. BUT NOOOOo he had to say it like oh fuck yea she's hot, but u ur well, u. Also it was the way he said it. It was as if like, wow you did not know you were uglier than her. I also asked him if he'd ever date her he said no because she "swings from branch to branch" and "dated my friend, therefore off-limits"Now I find that to be a bit of BS, because I dated his friend before I met my current boyfriend, and the fact that I dated around their circle of the friends, but that was four years ago before I met "CurrentBF."Then I start asking him more questions about what he feels between me and her. He said in the beginning of the relationship I had an awesome personality, but now I think you need to work on it. Hmmmmmm...yes I admit I've been a bit stubborn, bitchier, and maybe a bit emo since we've progressed but I can't always be that happy, goofy cheerful person he met.Then he said I had a slighty better body...which doesn't mean much anyways since personality is SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT. I felt like the only pride I had left had been torn by his remark... I'm starting to feel a bit of spite crawling down my spine. I don't think I can handle this stupid lil remark very well. Questions:1) How the f** am I supposed to take his damn honesty?2) WTF?!?!?!3) I'm afraid I will be tempted to get back at him? how do I stop myself from becoming spiteful for a remark I asked for?4) How do I become prettier, I have daily hygiene, dress nicely, and wear not too much but enough make up? What else? Get plastic surgery? HA! not worth it...5)Confidence? Jealousy? How do I control it, and what should I do to get back at him? Suggestions? NO violence, or doing anything disloyal though...6) I feel like I have to be prettier than her now...HOW HOW HOW?7) I'm not jealous of her, like honestly, I'm just pissed off my boyfriend thinks so. Hm sounds like a shirt I bought back in 6th grade. I jusdt wanna kick him in his crotch until he regrets saying it ARGH anger, ok ok ok . So this is the end of my post and sorry if this has wasted like 7 minutes of ur life.

I'm a female and what I'm going to say is probably sexist, but here goes.The one thing I don't get about the female race is why we ask for honesty, when sometimes all we want to really hear is what we want hear. It's the same trap as the infamous, "Does this dress make me look fat?". If you asked for honesty, what were you expecting from him? You can't really blame him for doing something you asked for him to do. Just because he doesn't think you're the prettiest person in the world, didn't stop him from chosing you as his current girlfriend. There's obviously more to you than just another face in the crowd. As you said, personality is more important.You're fine just the way you are. There's no need for you to be "prettier" than other girls. The only way you can feel good about yourself if you feel like you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happiness comes from within.

Totally agreed Star!Aznthighs - I'm not the prettiest girl around but I am cute. And I've got an awesome personality. It doesn't matter what you look like..your personality will trump every time if you're persistent enough. But it has to be your personality. Not one you come up with because you think he'll like you better if you act like who he wants you to be. And Star is right, you asked for honesty, you can't get mad at him for being honest.

This very thing bugs the heck out of me.My wife is a "looker". She gets attention and looks from others all the time. Yet sometimes when watching TV or looking in a magazine, she'll come out and say.. "What's so special about her?... Is she better than me?".. Well... yes as a matter of fact she is... yet if you do say that, you get this look or the cold shoulder... What the fuck is wrong with some of you women? Are you so conceited that you can't acknowledge that there are more attractive people in the world? And if someone IS more attractive, it does not mean that we are now fantacizing or after her? Get a grip.

But would you say that to her?

I think most men know better that to give an honest answer to those questions. If he does give an honest answer it occurs to me he may be doing it to intensionally hurt her.

It's kinda like the question "Honestly, does this dress make me look fat?" What man would say, "No dear, it just makes you ass look big." without purposefully setting out to hurt her.

I don't think it matters what should be or what women should know. We, as men, know how it's going to be taken so we need to give consideration for the feelings of someone we supposedly care about. That's why we lie or side step the truth.

Same thing when she tells us "Oh yeah, that was amazing" or "it's so huge." You side step the truth because you care about your love and ideally want them to feel good about themselves.

Was that lay the best she ever had, more than likely not. Is she the hottest women in the world, not likely. But because we care about one another we tell each other these things to build each other up. Because we care we want our partner to feel good about themselves.

So when we belittle them, it's more than likely done intensionally, to inflict maybe just a little hurt.

But would you say that to her? You only make that mistake once unless you are an idiot.

"But, what if that dress really does make her ass look fat?What if that dress makes her look awful, but this (other) dress makes her look great?"Come on, you were married 17 years, you know the answer to this. You just say, "I like this one so much better. You look great in this one." or you find some other reason not to like it. "I don't care for the color" or whatever. Either way, you answer with a positive not a negative.

I agree! You said something that I would like to add.As all of you are clearly aware, I'm quite vocal. I call it honesty, but others may think differently. I encourage people to be honest with me (especially since I hate lying). I even encourage my boyfriend to stand up to me or when I say "please be honest", I expect no beating around the bush. In fact, I appreciate it.But I think there is a line between being honest and being a complete jerk. Like in the OP's situation:Boyfriend: I think she's prettier than you.To me, that's being honest, not hurtful.Boyfriend: You're uglier than her.That's being hurtful and down right mean.Just like with that dress line trap, you can say "yes, it makes you look bigger than you are", but if you honestly believe "this dress looks better", then say so. But that's just me though.

Originally Posted By: aznthighsQuestions:1) How the f*** am I supposed to take his damn honesty?2) WTF?!?!?!3) I'm afraid I will be tempted to get back at him? how do I stop myself from becoming spiteful for a remark I asked for?4) How do I become prettier, I have daily hygiene, dress nicely, and wear not too much but enough make up? What else? Get plastic surgery? HA! not worth it...5)Confidence? Jealousy? How do I control it, and what should I do to get back at him? Suggestions? NO violence, or doing anything disloyal though...6) I feel like I have to be prettier than her now...HOW HOW HOW?7) I'm not jealous of her, like honestly, I'm just pissed off my boyfriend thinks so. Hm sounds like a shirt I bought back in 6th grade. I jusdt wanna kick him in his crotch until he regrets saying it ARGH anger, ok ok ok . So this is the end of my post and sorry if this has wasted like 7 minutes of ur life. How typical, There are some of us who are honest, and if you ask for a fully honest opinion and mean it, we will tell you, if you don't want it don't ask for it. If I ask someone if I'm hot, gf or not I except them to be honest about it and if they say you're hot but so and so is hotter it's like okai.1) Learn to deal with it, if you don't like it, you can always leave and find someone else, but honestly I'd rather have someone truthful and not buttering me up with bs.2) You asked for the truth you got it, have you heard the saying truth hurts? it's true. be careful what you ask for,3) Learn to accept the truth, it was his honest opinion, and you asked for it, don't expect someone to lie about an honest opinion4)Depends on why he doesn't think you're prettier. There are some people you just can't be better then, or equal or even close sometimes, but it means nothing. I know I'll never have a body like people who train hardcore for it. But that's ok, I don't need to be hotter, because I'm liked for who I am.5) I would suggest doing nothing, as you asked for it. If you ask for a slap in the face and someone slaps you, it's your own damn fault6) for proper judging I'd need a pic of both you and her. But even then it wouldn't matter because what I like or think you should do to look better then the other girl, may not be what he would like.7) You have no one to blame for yourself, you said you wanted his true honest opinion, not some lie that'd make you feel special.I know my childhood friend is way hotter then my gf, but I would never touch her, in any way, nor even think about it. But fact is fact.

Originally Posted By: Virtual_StarI agree! You said something that I would like to add.As all of you are clearly aware, I'm quite vocal. I call it honesty, but others may think differently. I encourage people to be honest with me (especially since I hate lying). I even encourage my boyfriend to stand up to me or when I say "please be honest", I expect no beating around the bush. In fact, I appreciate it.But I think there is a line between being honest and being a complete jerk. Like in the OP's situation:Boyfriend: I think she's prettier than you.To me, that's being honest, not hurtful.Boyfriend: You're uglier than her.That's being hurtful and down right mean.Just like with that dress line trap, you can say "yes, it makes you look bigger than you are", but if you honestly believe "this dress looks better", then say so. But that's just me though. I do agree with this though

But often when a woman asks a question, she is not looking for an honest answer, but for emotional support. Really we need different grammatical forms for questions - one for "I really want to know" questions, and one for "I want support" questions.I surmise that the difference here comes because men don't expect emotional support from other people, while women do. When a woman asks "is she prettier than me?" she means "This girl's prettiness makes me feel insecure: please reassure me". She doesn't really hope she is the prettiest girl alive: she wants the reassurance that comes from her partner's being prepared to pretend that she is.

I didn't read the whole thread, but seriously, WTF is wrong with you?

You wanted his honest opinion, and told him to be completely honest. He gave that to you, and now you don't like it and are even thinking about getting back to him?

And women say they aren't complicated.

I did read Virtual's post about the trap line "Does this dress make me look fat?"

If men say no: "Yes, it does, I'm not going to wear it"
If men say yes: "Did you just call me fat?"

How can guys win?

Now we have this "Give me your honest opinion" "Ok" "WHAT?!?!?"

Seriously, leave your boyfriend alone and look at what you're doing and do something about it.

Quote: She doesn't really hope she is the prettiest girl alive: she wants the reassurance that comes from her partner's being prepared to pretend that she is. Awwww I couldn't have explained it better myself

ok youve got some serious issues you need to attend to.

A: you asked for his honest opinion, he gave it. get over it

B: ive never seen you before and probably never will and i can easily tell you that you arent the prettiest girl in the world. hell i know my girlfriend isnt the prettiest girl in the world but she is the prettiest in my world and she would never pull this shit.

C: so what, your boyfriend has eyes and noticed that the other girl was born to look better then you, and its not even that you think he wants to fuck her, its just that youre too insecure to realize your boyfriend isnt going to think youre the most beautiful person ever i seriously think you need to end this relationship for both your sakes and grow up a bit before trying again.

err...I think you're being just a teency bit harsh with the girl. just a little. I agree with everything you said but I don't think you need to be so... blunt lol especially the insecurity part... ODYou have to try and see it from her point of view. When a girl is in a relationship with a guy it's pretty obvious she's not the prettiest female to have been born on the face of the earth. But just as you said, she's supposed to be the prettiest girl in his world. Or so they say. May not be true in all actuality but still. I personally would NEVER tell my babez that some other guy is hotter than him or more muscular and whatever. I'll say "oh he's pretty cute/hott" or "man he's ripped!" kinda thing but I wouldn't say "he looks better than you". Unfortunately, LTTA, sometimes guys can't win no matter which way they go. Females can be very emotional when it comes to physical appearance because the stupid media is always telling them how they should look. Sometimes I'll find myself watching a movie and I'll end up saying "she's pretty" out of nowhere and Raphy will attack me because he knows where I would go from there. Just human nature I guess

"If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."Jules Winnfield, Pulp FictionSimple as that. Don't ask a question when you do not want to hear that answer. Not everyone will spoon feed you what you want to hear. There are honest people out there haha

Err, thanks? Well I got over it, and yes I did ask for it. Of course, I understand I asked for it, and I should be prepared to handle it. I may not be the prettiest, I may not be the most talented but I gotta focus on the other important traits too.mmm To be honest, I think talking it over with my boyfriend helped me more than anything. He had good points and I realize there's always "one mountain higher than another." Its a chinese saying basically meaning there's always something or someone who is going to be better. heh, and I understand now the most "mature" way to handle this isn't to bitch and cry and be jealous. Its to turn it around and make it a source of motivation to be better. I did throw a bit of a uh bitch fit? Lol, but we oh so made up for that. Hahahaha Actually, I think it was the best that he told me that. Because now I'm trying so hard to prove to him I am the damn best girlfriend he'll ever have, and damn well the prettiest girl he'll ever have even if it might not the absolute fact To ineligible, yea I kind of understand the whole pretending thing. Now our relationship has moved into a new direction and thats being honest about everything with each other, no sugarcoating or beating around the bush. To mature and actually make this work, there's no need to know or care if another girl/boy is good looking. So what? I mean, to me its the same thing, there may be many better tasting fishes out there, but I'm satisfied and happy with the one with me right now.Not that u need to know this, but I'm kinda bragging, I felt so unconfident and insecure, I fucked his brains out continuously to make sure he understands that I'm his, he's mine and its gonna get better. Side note: We hadn't had good sex for a very long time, and I haven't been quite jealous for this long. Therefore I'm happy to have that and this feeling again.Its been one year and nine months, and I'm gonna make this last...happilyBut uh, thanks all of you guys for the advice and kinda checkin' out my post =D

I just found this thread, LOTS of good points here!LOL, and I would NEVER ask my man if anything made me look fat, because the response I would get (in jest of course) is, "Nope, you make you look fat"....As for if someone is prettier, he would respond with something like, "I don't know, you want me to bring her home and try her out?"The two of us just know that there is more to it than looks, and our honesty and sense of humor together, is WAY "prettier" than any looks will ever be!

Originally Posted By: albeitmyselfWell, I've tried to get him to be "honest" about it - but any time I'm like "see, look at her ass, it's way better than mine" he's like "no way! your ass is perfect". Mine does the same thing. Only with me, it tends to get kinda annoying after a while. Sometimes I'll just make a comment because it's an honest comment and not fishing for confidence. Like we'll watch a movie and I'll say, "Wow, she's really pretty". Then he'll immediately chime in and says, "But you're WAY more hotter". My ass doesn't need that much kissing.

"... I say "that girl's really pretty" is he'll say "no, I like blondes better" (which I am) and I'm like, but no, I don't like blondes so this brunette is MY type. (long story)"Does that story come with pictures? I go along with your guy. I just see no reason in telling the one you love who you think may be hotter. I know when I did that. I did it with one reason, even when I did it nicely, that was to put her in her place. Yes I was an ass.I've grown sinse then.