I have suspected my girlfriend of not being faithful. I have done deceitful things myself, but only to look for answers to my questions since she refuses to be honest with me. Her facebook opened up one day when I went online on my computer. I noticed immediately that it was her profile and as I went to sign out of it I noticed that her instant chat was open and I saw the first message say "hey sexy". Now that was enough to peak my interest since the I have never seen, met, or even heard of this person sending messages to my girlfriend. I read the conversation and I didn't appreciate the conversation which included discussing sending dirty pictures and her not telling him to stop. I immediately confronted her about this and she tells me that he is just a friend from back home and that is the way she talks with all her friends, not just him or any other guy friends. eventually I got over it. She has a guy who she says was a fling she had a few years ago. He is married and lives in Washington state. They still stay in contact. Whenever he calls , she will leave the room or even the house. This is the only person she does this with. Every other phone call she will take in front of me. I've told her how much I don't like the way she flirts with other men and I've told her that I feel disrespected by them and how much it hurts me. She tells me that I am A control freak and that I cant tell her how to act and who her friends are and she's not going to stop. She tells me its all just fun and she's always been like this, but that I am the only man she wants to be with and that she loves me and I should stop feeling so threatened. She tells me about last minute plans she has with her friends and never invites me along. She doesn't want to have sex hardly at all. I get some maybe once a week and that is only when I catch her in a good mood and I ask/beg just the right way. She will be in a horrible mood at the house but the second a friend or that ex of hers calls she is the happiest person on Earth. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she is just stressed over where we were living at the time and about being in debt. She said that is why she doesn't want sex and is always grumpy. So I found us a better place to live, which she loves, and I took out a loan on my retirement to pay off her $12,000 debt. She isn't always grumpy now, but she still doesn't want sex, and I have to beg for it. When the sex is over she just gets up and goes about her business. As I suspected now the reason is that she hates her job and she feels fat. I don't know if these are all just excuses or if its a problem she has with me. She only seems depressed around me and is happy with her friends who she has known for less time than me. Today I looked through her email which I know is very wrong but its my last resort to possibly finding out the truth which I know she keeps from me, because I catch her hiding things from me and lying almost on a weekly basis. In her email I found dirty pictures she has been sending to that man in Washington almost the entire time we have been together. She says that she loves me and wants to get married and have babies together. I can forgive her for her past and for all she done so far. It's disrespectful, hurtful, and not the behavior anyone would want from a partner, but for some reason I still love her and I can look past it all if she is willing to change. I know I should be able to talk to her about anything and I do feel like I can do that, but I can't believe her answers. I can't trust her. I don't want to leave her because before her I was alone my entire life. I feel like if I lose her then I will never find anyone else that will be with me. I'm not a ladies man. I'm not charming. I basically have no game whatsoever...lol. What I am is honest, loving, and loyal to those that I love. I believe in respecting everyone no matter how much I like or dislike them. All I want is someone who likes me and doesn't give me the impression that she may be using me. I don't want to make the mistake of throwing away this relationship if i'm just being a control freak like she says. I wish she could give you all her side of the story. Maybe then you all could help me. She accused her ex boyfriend, who she cheated on, of also being a control freak, but if she was acting the same way with him as she has been with me, then I don't blame him one bit. Please ask me any questions that you may need to know the answer to in order to help me and offer me advice. I'm open to all suggestions and advice and thank you all for reading my post and trying to help me. There is a lot more to the story but These are my main focus points.
An Issue With Trust
Trust is important. It's risky for the both of you if she's sleeping around. I don't think it's healthy for you to be with someone you can't trust and where their heart is. I wouldn't be with a boyfriend I couldn't trust.Are you guys married? If not, it's easier to leave now than later if you guys get married and have kids. Lack of faithfulness is a major character flaw and thinking it's going to get better after you add other variables to the equation (i.e. marriage and kids) is only going to make solving things more complicated.
You started your post with the fact that you have done decietful things yourself. You did not really say much on this. I believe it is a two part thing. Both of you msut be able to trust each other. You should give her time to think about whether she wants the relationship with you or not. You should also ensure you keep your own part of the deal honestly. wishing you all the best.