Do ya ever...

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Do ya ever get to a point that you just can't make yourself work. I have a deadline on very big job tomorrow and as anyone can probably tell by posting today I haven't been able to make myself focus on what needs to be done. I came in early this morning and the boss had made a lot of last second changes. It just seemed to zap my will to do anything. I don't care anymore and don't even want to try. No matter what I do I end up getting distracted or walking around anything not to work.I hate it. It's so fuckin' frustrating. I want to get it done. I just can't make myself do it and I don't know why. I hate this! I hate this! I HATE THIS!I sometimes think nobody can imagine how frustrating this is. Sometimes I think real hard about just driving my car into a tree or slicing myself open so I don't have to go through this torment anymore. I just want to be able to accomplish shit like a normal person. Sit down and put forth some effort and get something done.I don't know what it is. I can come to say a piece of equipment that needs to be shown on the drawing and if I don't know where to find it in the library, rather the look for it like a normal person would, I do nothing. It's like an insurmountable hurtle I can't get over.There's no one else to get all this done but me. I want to. I want to so bad. It's my job, my design, one I particularly proud of. Why can't I do this.I have my Methylphenidate but I hate taking it. It make me depressed and I'm already loopy. I really don't think anyone can imagine what this is like to have to deal with.God, I hate this!

I probably won't say anything helpful, but I'll go ahead and share.

Yes, there are many times in a single day that I just can't make myself stay focus long enough to get things done. It's been a major problem and it's probably the reason why I haven't finished or even progressed through college. It's so fustrating and it puts me in a depressed mood. And when I'm in that mood, I don't feel like doing anything at all. It's an ugly cycle that I can't seem to break.

I turn around and I see other students sitting down and studying and getting their shit done. I try to do my work and ten minutes later my mind wonders and I get distracted. I can never get my homework or tests fully completed. All my work has been half-assed and I get pissed because I know I can do better. But for some reason I can't physically bring myself to do it.

Even the smallest things seems like a mountain of work and I start to fill myself with unnecessary stress and anxiety. I also do the worst shit of all, procrastination. And once I do that, the cycle begins. I hate it. I always feel so stupid and inadequate and I've been so close to giving up on college completely many times.

I always wonder why I even try, but for some reason, a part of me won't let myself give up. That's why I'm currently seeing a counselor again. I just hope I stick with it long enough for me to get more help.

I guess I just want to let you know that you're not the only one.

And me too - I'm a huge procrastinator. And the more I leave something the harder it is to get down to it.

Well it's nice to know I'm not the only one. At least someone has an idea of what I'm going through. I still haven't done shit since I wrote that. I've just been sitting here and brought up Family Guy on the lap top. If I could just get started and again I would be off and running... till I hit that little snag that I just can't seem to get passed.I only smoke once in awhile. I think I'll go outside and light one up. Maybe when I come back I can make myself take my meds or just start working again.

It's kinda more than procrastination. It's like you walk up to a door it's unlocked and you just can't make yourself open no matter how bad you want to get to the other side. You know how to do it. It just feels like an impossibility to reach up and grab the knife. It's right there but turning the knob is just something out of your reach... or I don't know I can't really explain it.

No.... I can describe it. If you ever saw the movie Awakenings with Robin Williams and Robert Deniro... do you remember the scene where the guy is in the institution, he's walking across the floor to look out the window but for some reason before he gets there he stops. No matter how bad he wants to look out the window he can't ever make it over there. They Robin, whatever the name of his character was in the movie, figures out it's the change in the pattern of the floor that for some inexplicable reason stops him from going all the way to the window.That's what it's like. I wanna make it to the window but for some reason I don't understand something stops me. It's like someone has put a wall in front of me and I can't make it. Just like that guy. ... that's what it's like. That scene from that movie.

I'm in that mode right now... I've been working on a program called LabView for the past 4-5 months. It runs test equipment to do automated test on our product. It's turned out to be rather complicated and everyone probably thinks I'm just goofing off. I was doing really well until we had to move offices withing our building. that just threw a monkey wrench into everything. I was on a roll and it just killed my motivation. It's not that I don't care, but I just can't stay focused. Either I'm getting called to take care of something or I just keep getting up to do ... well nothing. I get a drink, go to bathroom... whatever... it's very frustrating knowing I need to move forward but I'm just stuck in the mud, inching forward.

I know what you mean. I'm tired pissed at myself and going out every few minutes to smoke. I don't even like smoking if I'm not at a party.I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do. I've still got pages of redlines that need to be taken care of.I'm just frustrated and pissed and don't know what I'm gonna do. I'll get it done... maybe.Sometimes I hate myself.

Yep, me too. I am behind on my work and yet I am here on A2A. I think it's depression. I think you are depressed too Scotty. Your work, your ass of a boss, personal issues, I think it's all getting to you.

I don't know how to fix it either. If I did, I wouldn't be here typing to you. Well, maybe I do know how to fix it....I'm just putting that off too.

I have my highs and lows. Some days I can accomplish a ton of stuff, and other days, I can't even rinse dishes to put in the dishwasher (I finally got one of those, yay!)It even gets bad enough that I don't shower until like RIGHT before my man gets home, and then, it is just a scrub down, no extra grooming. It seems SO simple, yet, I can't shift gears to get anything done. Lately, when I have one or 2 of those days, I find myself walking around my yard with a ciggy and just seeing if I can tell if any of my plants have grown...I used to just sleep, or be drunk...now I know that it isn't drinking induced. It is something else. It is like, the rules of objects, when they are at rest, they want to continue to be at rest, and when they are in motion they want to continue to be in motion...to much energy is required to change what is happening now.It is VERY frusterating, and depressing, what is really sucky, is none of us are bad folks, but we sure look it at times like this...

Originally Posted By: IneligibleAnd me too - I'm a huge procrastinator. And the more I leave something the harder it is to get down to it. Agreed. I've got a heap of bio homework sitting here, untouched. I know that I need to get it done, but I'll more than likely leave it until the very end of the weekend/before class on Monday. Feeling unmotivated to do work has been a problem for me as well lately. I still have not figured out why I am unmotivated, but it's something I have been dealing with. Lately, I try to finish tasks as early as I can.

I didn't want to open a new thread, but have any of you guys felt like there was SOOOO much to do, that you never get started on any of it? I'm sitting here with a list 5miles long and can't organize it so that I can get any of it done. The more I think about it, the more I remember I have to do. I have MOST of my garden planted, but have melons and some squash to get in...so it germinates and can be on a timer while I am off camping in 2 weeks for a whole week, then I have the normal housework to do, an air conditioner that needs installing, a table to set up for all the violets that I just started (anyone want a purple african violet?). I have to get all the camping equiptment out and organized, and figure out what else we might need which means cleaning up the garage from all the garden and wood projects I have done in the last few weeks...the list goes on, because for every thing, there is a something else needed...AHHHHHH!I don't know where to start so I don't start at all

My problem isn't getting started, it's seeing it through to the end. Say I had to plant your garden. (notice my restraint, I didn't say plow your field ) I would have no problem getting going I could have five rows done... but then I say I came to a small rock that needed to be moved, and could easily be moved. I would let it stop me in my tracts. I would just sit there and stare at it thinking about other shit. I would let that little rock get in my way and I wouldn't be able to finish. ...until I took my med's then get the depression they worsen to deal with later.It sucks.By the way, I did manage with the help of my meds to get my end of the project done the other day.

Glad to hear you got it done.

The thing is, I HAVE started EVERY one of these projects, notice, the garden ALMOST planted? (I have been eating swiss chard, spinach, radishes, and pumpkin blossoms for weeks!) The garage got started yesterday, so I could deal with the A/C but now the A/C is all vacuumed out, and taking up the clean spot on the table. It kind of is the little stuff, like having to drag out the saw so I can cut the wood for the A/C frame...I guess, I am overwhelmed with half finished stuff.

Maybe I just need a good field plowing! :grin:

I feel exactly the same way, Pepsi. A long "To Do" list freezes me into inaction, while if there were just one thing on it I would do it. And I find completing things the hardest part too!

Today is a bit better, but not much. I washed off a 6' walkway...like THAT has priority. Being as I was yesterday, just caused me indigestion and a headache...So, I guess SOME action irregardless, is better than NO action..