Seriously guys I'm having the most JOYFUL days of my life and I'm having the time of my life. I'm in complete paradise and bliss and life couldn't possibly get any better.
Notice my sarcasm.
I've already had my big sis talk with Kristal. But I'm going to put down like...stuff.
I'm pretty sure I told you guys about my "dad". And when I did I remember Chance told me that I should give him a chance (hehe get it... chance) because everyone makes mistakes. And I really took that to heart and I forgave my dad for you know leaving and not calling and all that. I've spoken to him a little since then but it wasn't exactly a normal conversation. Just a "hi, bye" kinda thing. And I'm really trying to make it so that I don't have a reason to dislike him. I love him I really do. But I keep finding out more and more about him that makes me really really dislike him.
The first thing was how he used to degrade my mother when she was pregnant with me telling her she looked ugly and was ashamed to be with her. My older sis was literally the only one to keep her secure. That was bad enough. My mom is beautiful and she deserved way better and more. I'm very overprotective of my mother. My sister and I both are and would kill and die for her. Then I found out that he was abused as a child by his father and used to take his anger out on my sister and I. But my sister would take the blame for when I did wrong and he used to beat her so badly and almost cut her face with her glasses when he got out of control. You know I barely remember much. But all this time I used to think they were birth marks that scarred my body! I should have known birth marks don't look like that. I'm having a hard time because I have a bad mixture of anger, confusion, depression and I honestly don't know what to do with myself. My sister and I are best friends and to know someone abused her gets me... irate. I'm trying to stay sane and I already told myself a long time ago I refuse to cry over him any more.
And then not only that but to add to my nonsense. I'm being discriminated against at school by my teachers. One of my friends is whoring herself around and she's younger than me and she won't listen to me and won't even talk to me. My oldest brother is nowhere to be found. And last but not least, another friend told me that he thinks there's "nothing between us" anymore because of how I treat him or something and wants me out of his life I think he said? I don't know. I can't think straight. But he can't possibly know how I feel right now. I got so angry that I couldn't even respond for fear I might say something I'd regret. How is it that in every situation I'm made out to be the bad guy. I can't be concerned with other people at this moment because I feel to burdened. I don't want to be mean. I don't mean to. And I don't know if I've been coming off as mean. And if I have I'm sorry. I'm losing friends when really I need them. I don't know how this situation is effecting me and how I treat other people. I'm just praying about it and trying to keep it to myself. I don't know if this is a trial. But if it is I think I'm failing.
I just need like... some advice on how to keep myself calm and how to handle the situation. I've watched Lord of the Rings a gazzilion times till I got to the Two Towers and then I cried when Eowyn and Theoden came on screen. I feel pathetic. I'm not going to make it seem like "oh dear the world is out to get me". It's just me and I'm going through a hard time but I've never been like this since my uncle died. I feel like crap.
I would really appreciate something from Chance and Leah because they both helped me out so much before. thanks