Surrogate Mother

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So Adam and I have been talking for a while now and we are ready to be Daddies :), but of course being two gay men it’s just not that easy to make babies lol. We have talked about adoption, and that idea is still on the table, and something we actually want to do even if we end up having kids of our own. Only draw back with adoption is the long drawn-out process to even become adoptive parents; last I checked it was well over a year just to process the paperwork. So the only real route we have if we want children of our own genetics is through a surrogate mother. I know I’m a bit lost on where to even begin looking. I have done some research and found a few companies that you can hire, but they want an amazing amount of money for their services. One company was close to $100k for their services to match you up with a surrogate. I have no issues with paying for the medical bills and such but up near $100k just seems overly excessive. We have also thought about asking our one friend Jen if she would consider being a surrogate. Jen and her partner had a baby over a year and half ago through the sperm back and Jen has joked around with Adam and I about having our babies for us, but not so sure how she would respond if we were serious and actually asked her. Also wonder if it would make our friendship weird knowing we have children together, or would it bring us closer. I personally kind of like the thought of having a baby with a friend because I would like the mother to be part of the childs life. Anyways I’m babbling now lol.Anyways I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions? I’d really appreciate it

Sound tough. I thought I could be a surrogate mom, because I loved pregnancy so much, just hated that screaming lil' bastard they sent home with me every time...Now days though, it is tough to consider, there are support issues, and how involved is the mother going to be, bla bla bla...I would have wanted to just be an auntie. Asking your friend isn't a bad idea, but could your friend REALLY have a child and know she wasn't raising it? She may be sincere, but when a baby is born, there really IS a bond with mother and child that is just so profound. I was oddly lonely when my girls were born. There is something about them being in there.I think, that you need to consider the ramifications, if your friend decided that she couldn't give the baby to you. It would be much easier to sue a person you didn't really know for your parental rights if something were to go awry. Contracts need to be in place, notorized, bla bla bla....That sort of stuff would be harder with a friend. But on the upside, it may be less likely to become an issue with a friend.There is no solid answer. Just make sure no matter how you chose to do it, that there are contracts. Adoption IS a great option. As you know, I have been involved with raising 3 that aren't mine per say, but I DO love them dearly as though I birthed them myself.Best of luck Eddie, do what fits you all the best. I don't have the answers, just some things to think about, that you probably already have!!!

I see doing this with a friend fraught with peril. Unless there's a clear and concise understanding from the get go who the parents of the child are going to be and where "parent" stops and "friend" starts it seems like there could be all sorts of complications.Having kids is hard enough on the partnership of the couple how well a friendship could withstand the stress, I don't know. I'm not saying it can't work just go into it with both eyes open. I would set thinking about the baby aside for an exercise of thought about how you both will deal with the mother of this child who is a close friend.That sounds kinda shitty but I don't mean it that way. I just mean set thinking about all the good shit of having a baby aside, so you don't get distracted from dealing with the issue laden reality of the situation.It's going to take a lot of thought on the part of the mother as well, I would think. By that I mean if you asked and she just said, "sure, I'll do it" without any thought, I would be hesitant. Not because I think she has any ill intentions but because there are a lot of emotional as well as legal issues at play here.It's going to take a shit load of planning.What you might do is call the $100k surrogate service and just set down with them to find out what they do and how the handle the legal issues. Then you'll have some idea how to handle some issues and can then go off and start setting down some plans on your own and not pay for their service, which I assume, for $100k, includes all the paper work.Best of luck, you'll be a great dad.

No suggestions because I know nothing about that topic.. but WHOOO!!! IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS! Exciiiiiiiiiiiiting!!

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and the support

aww buddy thats great i wish you the best of luck! if only i had a vagina id gladly be a surrogate for ya! and ya wouldnt even need an artificial insemination! lol

Originally Posted By: Dantekaww buddy thats great i wish you the best of luck! if only i had a vagina id gladly be a surrogate for ya! and ya wouldnt even need an artificial insemination! lol LOL Well it's the thought that counts

Oh Eddie! You'd be the PERFECT daddy... soooo your partner is just like you? ADOPT ME!! No I'm just kidding... ::cough::.I'm going off to college next year so it'd be like... a limited warranty or something. I'm so happy for you and though nothing in my post is the slightest bit helpful, I saw this absolutely beautiful and tearjerker documentary about two guy lovers who had gone on a trip to Africa and they found a little African girl about 3 years old who was being abused and beaten by others since her mother was dying of AIDs and couldn't take care of her. So they hospitalized her and took care of her and took her back to the states to adopt her. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I cried. And they were filthy stinkin rich. She's being raised in a good home because they're such warm and caring people.

Aww thanks Abby! hugI'd be lucky to adopt a spunky-crazy girl like yourself :).

So anyone wanna be my baby's mama?? LoLUgh sorry I just need to vent. I am just getting to frustrated. Seems like every turn we take we hit a brick wall. I know this was going to be hard, guess I just didn't know it was going to be this difficult.Sadly the possible "lead" I had with my lesbian friend just isn't a possiblity right now. We have kind of drifted apart, which really sucks because I thought we were closer than that. Also frustrated because where I work I see all these young girls, as young as 14 years old, pregnant and knowing that I could give that child a more stable home. I know that might be wrong of me to think, but I guess given my situation and how much I want a family it just makes my frustration worse.Alright I'll stop ranting... I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening

first of all i will NOT listen to you! this is stuff you read dummy!second, i thought you worked in a dentists office?third, im very sorry to hear youre having troubles and very much hope you find your surrogate vagina

Sorry to hear of the problems, Eddie, though I'm not surprised. :frowning:

Originally Posted By: NtroducingMyselfSadly the possible "lead" I had with my lesbian friend just isn't a possiblity right now. We have kind of drifted apart, which really sucks because I thought we were closer than that.Unfortunately, I think this may be a reason not to engage in this undertaking with a friend. Sometimes a little more distance is a benefit.

I do work in a dental office, but we still see pregnant females with the consent of the OBGYN And thanks guys, just really frustrated. I was talking through e-mails to this really nice lady that's local. All seemed really good, and explained to her that Adam and I didn't have loads of money, and she seemed to understand. Than when talking the financials out she stated she wanted $25k to carry the child. Just blew my mind since one of the first things we talked about was the fact Adam and I didn't have that kind of money. So it was very disappointing because she was about everything I was looking for in a surrogant.

I _seriously_ doubt you will be able to find a woman to be a surrogate without a good sum of money.

I sadly agree. :frowning:

damn, so my mother was right, women DO have teeth in there!

Is my baby daddy trying to boot me out for a new baby momma? pout I miss you my Eddieness! cuddles I wish you all the best with this my honey

Never! You will always be my Baby Mama! Wanna move to Ohio and make it a reality? I'll pay for the plane ticket LoL