How Do You Deal With This Thought?

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I completely, completely understand how you feel.When Josh and I broke up around this time last year.. I was soo upset.. and after I found out he slept with someone else I was devastated. To this DAY i still think about it and it bothers the shit out of me.. EVEN THOUGH i did worse.. I slept with 3 other people.. one being one of my closest guy friends.It is never easy. And don't be afraid to admit your jealous. Its a very natural emotion

The funny thing is is that right now as we speak she's getting ready to go out with some guy who although doesn't want a girlfriend, tickles her and says she has a nice smile and beautiful eyes. So what am I supposed to think about a guy who doesn't want a girlfriend but tickles some girl and hits on her and flirts with her?

Originally Posted By: RadYou're not supposed to think about it.You should be out looking for a job. Or go back to school and dive into school work and studies. Maybe go to the gym? How about going out for a jog?Pre-occupy yourself so you don't think about it, and in time you'll stop thinking about it all together. Last thing you need/want to do is dwell on something you have no control over.

Apparently I lost control a while back. She met some guy who she had no interest in during the final death throes of the relationship and what does she do? The second we break up she starts pursuing the guy for a relationship.

Originally Posted By: JEDI-ALCHEMIST

Apparently I lost control a while back. She met some guy who she had no interest in during the final death throes of the relationship and what does she do? The second we break up she starts pursuing the guy for a relationship.
Wow. Just wow.

I just love how you're tying to make me look like the bad guy. Like how you're suffering and feeling sorry for yourself is all my fault.

You know damn well I didn't break up with you for some guy. I broke up with you because you needed a wake up call and get your life together.

You have no job, no education, and you don't even drive. How can I possibly have a future with you when you're like this? For almost two and a half years you were like this. You didn't want to go to school and no one wants to hire you. You had only ONE job but only for less than a month.

That is why I left. You need to realize that you need to better yourself. You said you were going to try. But surprise, surprise, you're in your room feeling sorry for myself, telling me to go to hell, and telling me that you're going to kill yourself.

Your problem is you give up too easily and take the easy road by crying "why me?".

The breakup wasn't easy for me either. But I chose to move on because I refuse to waste my life like that.

I apologize to everyone on this board and VS in my foolish attempts to make her look like the bad guy. I didn't even realize I was doing until she said it. I guess I just wasn't thinking. So again I apologize. But to get the point this is why I feel like I am a failure "You have no job, no education, and you don't even drive. How can I possibly have a future with you when you're like this? For almost two and a half years you were like this. You didn't want to go to school and no one wants to hire you. You had only ONE job but only for less than a month." The fact that I was trying to get a job at the moment she dumped me is what bothers me. But to be fair I had enough time to get a job and go back to school in those two years. I just thought that since she was so young that I would have enough time to get it done. But sadly I was wrong. Still, when I meet with failure I do give up but only because I've been going through failure after failure. And like I said before when I thought I had found hope in my life, it ends up being torn away from me. So you are right VS. I can't stand to fail again that is why I feel like ending it. I wish you had a chance to feel what I'm feeling. But again like I said I'm sorry if I make you sound like the bad guy. Also the reason why I lost that job wasn't my fault, but you guys are probably going to say oh don't blame your mistakes on other people. I wont because it is my fault. Everything that happened to me in my life is my fault because I let it happen and that is why I am a royal fuck up. I am nothing I deserve nothing and I will die with nothing.

Jedi, it sounds to me like you need to find some sort of (social) support system. I don't mean to be presumptious here. But a good, mutual relationship isn't very plausible until you yourself are in a decent place. What I mean is that VS could not be the only source of being or meaning in your life. I read your other thread and your discussion of your long term medical/psychiatric problems, but what I'm talking about here is not so much medical support as social support. Is there anything like that that you're aware of? - some sort of group or organization that could help you try to deal with either going to school or finding some kind of work you might like? I think that being alone and dwelling on all this alone and trying to improve your situation alone may just be unworkable and too hard. Some help could be a good thing; and some social contact with others in similar difficulties could be a good thing. I know how hard it is to be alone and get motivated to try to improve things.

There's the Time Meddlers Society Of Los Angeles, LA JEDI and that practically it. But most of those things cost money so I'm fucked. I think the important thing to make of note is the fact that I can find no immediate form of support and can feel my insides being torn apart. There's nothing I can do to change her mind and that's what makes me suffer. I'm not saying I want to control her I'm just saying I wish things could go back to the way they were.

Jedi I looked up those groups. That's not the type of thing I was talking about. Of course activities that you enjoy are a good way to try to think less about your problems and to make friends. But what I was suggesting was something more in a counselling/social work realm - something that could try to help you figure out a path to follow in finding work or going to school or figuring out what you want to do with your life. Having some good advice and support might make it easier to move on. Perhaps if Damien reads this he could offer some advice in that area; he's real good at that kind of thing.I understand what you're saying about wishing things could go back. It is incredibly painful when a long relationship ends. But I'm just suggesting trying to find something to do with your life that might put you in a better place for the future. I wish you the best of luck.

I've been attending it since the end of January I believe and I have yet to get a job. I've been applying like crazy left and right but so far I've gotten nothing. I would blame the current state of the economy but then I would be blaming other people when it is clearly my fault.

Have u ever thought of going to a placement agency

I'm sorry but, what's a placement agency?

Wow I'm so slow. I didn't know you guys went out. Lucky feller.

Many agencies of that sort are also temp agencies. They may have jobs you can do on a temporary basis. And sometimes those jobs can turn permanent if the employer likes you. Look in your yellow pages under employment agencies and similar headings. Doubtless there are a ton of them in your area.

Well my luck ran out.

Yea but you still went out with her. That means you're something special.

Whatever there was left of that is gone.

Stop making excuses. Placement agencies i know of are the ones in charge of the hiring. You can walk in there and come out with a job the same day.. and if not shortly after.

Thank you for your kind words Abi. You're right, he is a special person.

You should think about removing yourself from the situation you find yourself in, at least in my opinion. More than simply getting a job try changing your entire way of living. Think of something like the Peace Corps or the National Park Service. The Peace Corps as well as some jobs in the National Park Service provide for you room and board, plus if you see those things through to the end it'll look great on your resume and in most instances put you above beyond most of the other applicants. More than anything though it gets you out of your comfortable misery. That's something I know a lot about. Think about it, you'll be away from your worries, meeting new people and making a difference to somebody or something. You'll feel better about yourself while building up your resume for future employment. The key is, though, you'll be out of that comfortable velvet prison that most of us find ourselves in and don't have the will to get out of. So we spend our all to short lives in misery.Don't do that, just do something, get out, don't keep doing the same thing hoping for different results.Here's a list of just California positions. Most won't come with room and board but I'm sure some do. Look at other states as well.