19 months down the line

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I've been reading some posts here for a while now, and everyone seems pleasant and helpful, so I wondered if I could post my issue here...I'm 17 years old, and I've been with my current girlfriend for 19 months. When we got together, I was very much in love. I was completely besotted with this girl. It was however my first formal relationship, so it moved slowly for me to gain confidence. At first, in the 'honeymoon period' during the first 6months ish, things were amazing. It wasn't until I naturally started to draw back slightly that I noticed it.After a while in the relationship it turned to "normality", so I wasn't so besotted anymore because I expected to see her, if you understand me? It was normal to be with her, not outstanding like it was before. Everyone understands and expects this, but she still seems 100% obsessed which is partly what causes the problem.She's very co-dependent. She'll ring my phone at around midnight and then she leaves me messages annoyed that I'm not answering. She constantly talks about me behind my back to my close friends, and has lied to me before. We've had a few major arguments, and I almost ended the relationship, but I was too weak against her guilt tripping 'you can't leave me' and tears. I've gotten to the point where I still love her, but I don't want this anymore but I have no idea how to end it after over 1.5 years. She keeps mentioning our wedding, children and how we'll survive going to different universities. She's thought of children's names, who the Godparent's will be. And she's already decided we will always live in this city. At 17. It doesn't help that she's in my college year and class either Oh, and to make things a bit more complicated. I'm unsure about my sexuality. My entire life I've been victim of bullying and harassment with people teasing me for being gay, when I didn't even know if I was or not. It's happened since I was 4, when I didn't even know what being gay meant anyway...But now, I'm not sure. I'm finding myself emotionally attracted to my best friend, as well as physically. He's an amazing guy that never leaves my side when he's with me. Only one of my other friend's knows how I feel about him, and she then turns around and says "Well most people have noticed he's all over you." I was in shock.We've flirted...he tends to tickle me a lot and one night he wouldn't stop and he pulled me on top of him tickling me until I collapsed upon him. He rests his head on my lap and I do the same, just because I've always liked him so I've naturally done it, but it's not until know I've thought about how he's acted with me. He has a girlfriend, well he's had many, and has never made it obvious that he could be gay at all.Having loved my girlfriend, I know that the way I feel over my best friend is completely different. It feels even stronger than it was for my girlfriend 19 months ago. And even if he doesn't like me, I'm still unhappy in my current relationship anyway.I'm so confused I don't know where to turn...

College will open up new people and opportunities for both of you. Just tell her that you have no interest in marriage until after college. She'll most likely find someone else.

Well we're sort of in college now, we're sitting our A levels this year. Then it's university. She plans to go to the local university and is expecting me to do the same, even though I've told her I don't want to. I originally wanted to move to Australia, of course, she disallowed it on the spot.

_she disallowed it on the spot. _

And you said "yes dear".... she's a clinger.. move on.

Actually, I told her how I felt about it and it caused a huge argument, and as-per-usual, she tried to get every one else involved in it, so I ended up just giving in :frowning:

That's called being "pussy-whipped". You're too young for this BS.. If you have plans in life, she could be holding you back.

TO Rad - you don`t remember anything about sex? ok!TO the OP - rad is right,i know girls who are like that and would do that to keep the guy(or vice versa,if u know what i mean). Be careful of that girl.

Originally Posted By: yoursmile she still seems 100% obsessed which is partly what causes the problem. Originally Posted By: yoursmileShe's very co-dependent. She'll ring my phone at around midnight and then she leaves me messages annoyed that I'm not answering. She constantly talks about me behind my back to my close friends, and has lied to me before. We've had a few major arguments, and I almost ended the relationship, but I was too weak against her guilt tripping 'you can't leave me' and tears. I've gotten to the point where I still love her, but I don't want this anymore but I have no idea how to end it after over 1.5 years. I'm with Rad, watch out for this girl. I was a third party to this scenario with 2 of my friends. The guy was VERY clingy and all he kept questioning was whether the relationship would work, would his parents allow it, meanwhile he was very controlling, and would call her out on spending habits, conversations with others, her personality, her school work, etc. If she didn't call him/e-mail him he would get angry and tell her that she was backing out of the relationship/cheating on him.Go for the "I don't know what I want" excuse. You can tell her too..."The higher they are, the harder they call" but I mean if she's already chosen the names for your children, she's pretty damn high. Again what Rad said (Damn, Rad is a smart guy!) use protection...she sounds kinda desperate and who only knows what she's willing to do.If she tries to use YOUR friends to turn against you, stay firm. (remember: nobody sides with the psycho chick...!) You're 17, so what a relationship ended? You have the REST of your LIFE, if she's already settled down with the city she's only ever known she needs to get out more often. Look forward to College buddy! Go wherever you want! The further the better Go live life because there are plenty of fish in the sea! Especially around Australia where you're pretty much surrounded by the Sea!Best Wishes and hope everything turns out alright!

Originally Posted By: yoursmile...she disallowed it on the spot.Drop her like a hot rock and stay away from the pussy cause like Rad said she'll be one to wind up knocked up just to keep you.

Buddy you are 17, you are TOO young to be tied down! Especially to someone who is trying to control your life. You need to go out and do what makes YOU happy and what's going to bring you enjoyment in life. If you want to go to school to Australia than you need to go!! Don't pass up on what might be an amazing adventure in life!!!

Trust me and learn from my mistake! About 4 years ago I had a chance to move to Australia with my best friend for 2 years while he was out there on a work assignment and I passed it up! I now regret it everyday! I missed out on something that could have been amazing and life altering. Don't make the same mistake. Be young and have fun and worry about all the serious things like marriage and kids for later in life.

As for your sexuality, it's something you need to explore for yourself. Sounds to me like you truly have some romantic feelings for your best friend, and something I suggest you explore. Even if it turns out you are not gay, you'll have a stronger piece of mind as you get older instead of always having it in the back of your mind.

Again you need to do what's best you YOU, not what's best for your girlfriend. This is your life to lead, and you only get once shot at it. Make it the best you possibly can with all the wonderful experiences you pack in it!

Thank you! You all give such helpful advice! :smile:

As for the sex matter, yes we have had sex. This is where I seem really weak...we went through a period of about 6 months where I didn't want to sleep with her because I feared what length she'd go to to keep me. It's hard to tell with her because her cycle isn't as on time as we'd hope. We've had a scare, but like I thought it was just her cycle playing up because we hadn't actually done anything, yet she was persistent she was pregnant. I just couldn't get through to her. But yes, 6 months passed and during those 6 months she did wait for when I was "comfortable" or so she said, but the entire time it was "I so wish we could go further." or "Don't you want me? Is that what it is?" :open_mouth:

*sigh* :frowning:

Life's to short to deal with that kind of shit from someone who's supposed to be on your side. Move on.

Sounds like many young women i know. In the end its up to you on what you want to do, just make sure your safe and get out before its too late. Dont let her get preggo just to keep you, young women tend not to think rationally when their emotions are in control. (Like many young men when their penis is on control)

Thanks I want to get out of this, I feel too pressured but I don't know how to go about it or anything. And for the past couple of weeks we've been okay...which makes it all that harder I know how I feel isn't my fault, but I can't help feeling guilty...:(

And also, it's not just her. I still have my own problem regarding my best friend. How do I know how he feels? An impossible question it seems.To summarize, he's held my hand and he's leaned on my shoulder, lied on my lap, I've lied upon his chest. He hugs me all of the time, even if it's in our common room in front of the rest of the year. He pokes me and tickles me constantly because he knows that's how I give in to something. We had that moment where he pulled me on top of him, tickling me until I collapsed on top of him...I had to make a point of not letting my lips touch his in case it created an unexpected awkwardness...but now I feel like I should have let it happen. Towards my birthday presents he wrote me an essay explaining how special I am to him, and that the four years we've known each other are priceless to him.The biggest thing was the night of my birthday, it was him, myself and a group of a few friends who are girls, and we were posing and fooling around taking a lot of pictures outside by the waterfront. Well, what happened was unexpected. For one of the photographs he kissed my cheek. It wasn't a quick, joke type of thing either. He made a point of hold me still and was really gentle with it. The friends I were with were silently shocked but said nothing. How I didn't hyperventilate I don't know but there we go :PWe're also really open to each other about sex and stuff. He knows everything about me, and I know everything about him. We just have complete trust in each other.But after all of that he's with his girlfriend and apparently happy, at least it seems so! So I can't help thinking we're just very very VERY close best friends and that's all we'll be...or MUST there be SOME form of attraction for these things to have happened?

I have a strong feeling there are more feelings on both of your sides. I don’t know many straight men that lay their head on another mans lap, chest or even shoulder, tickle each other etc. Sounds to me like subtle flirting. The situation you are in is very complicated. I would suggest maybe sitting down with him and talking about how you feel, and how you are confused about these feelings. I would make sure to stress to him how much you value your friendship with him and last thing you want to do is jeopardize it but you just had to get it off your chest. I understand there is always that fear of losing him as a friend, but it really sounds like you two are super close and I would suspect strong enough to weather this issue.Or you can wait until the next time he tickles you and pulls you on top of him and lay a little kiss and see how he reacts hehe ;). Maybe I’m a hopeless romatic but I find that extremely romantic.Like I said I know this situation is tough for you, this is someone who is a close friend. But in life not many things happen unless you make them happen. Last thing you want is years from now having regrets that you never said anything and always having the “what if” in the back of your head.

Thank you! I find it really romantic too, don't worry, haha. I'm seeing him tonight and staying at his overnight...I guess what happens, happens?

Just when I thought things couldn't get more complicated...all though I guess this is a step forward...I went to my best friend's house yesterday for the night. We were acting exactly as we usually do, doing absolutely nothing and wasting time with computer games and talking...something we like doing because he's often too busy to just relax.Well it got late and we set up the beds to settle down, when he hit me across the head with a pillow. I laughed and hit him back. Then he tackled me to the ground and started tickling me furiously. I had to force myself not to scream and wake the house up. I tickled him back, enjoying it, but becoming more anxious of being in this situation again. This time we were so furious we were getting thrashed around, and at one point I landed on him and I could feel that he was erect (as was I). Some more thrashing and tickling and our night trousers would start to slip down...but he didn't make any effort to pull them back up either, he just let me keep tickling.He got really breathless so I stopped, held him, telling him to calm down because sometime's he can get really worked up. He held me back, his arms wrapped around me (we were both only wearing our night/pj trousers), and his skin felt warm, and there was something about the way he was hugging me...it felt different that usual. He back to tickle me again and ran off into the darkness.Laughing, I found him to his bed, lying face down. He said to me "where's my back massage then?" and laughed, so I sat over his lower back, legs either side of him, and massaged his back slowly. I'm quite good at doing it, and he seemed to enjoy it.It go to the point I was bent down breathing along his neck, and I kissed his neck and kept going as I worked my way down his spine. I felt I had to do something that would make him react if he was uncomfortable. But he didn't! He just sighed pleasantly and I continued. I couldn't believe the intimacy of the whole scenario. In the end he was falling asleep as I massaged him, so I lied alongside him and he held me and said goodnight, and I went to my own bed.I was worried overnight, he'd feel differently, but he seems normal. But then, as usual, he seemed perfectly happy to see his girlfriend, all though he was perhaps pointing out he faults a bit more. But still, I'm confused by it.I know my feeling's lie with him. I still love my girlfriend, but I've been through too much hurt from her lies and her attitude towards me to feel the same as I did. I feel guilty about having my feelings spread across two people, I know I have to do something. This is killing me :'(

Wow Man....That was..... Hot!After reading your story and feeling like I was a fly on the wall.... I wanted to read more. It was just getting good. I needed a cigarette... J/K and I don't smoke.Have you ever had an experience like that with another male friends? it read like you had done this before..

Haha! No I haven't had this with any other guys, just him...and it's causing fireworks to erupt from my heart...