Im going to start by saying i just dont want to fucking deal with life anymore. I DO FUCKING EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE EVERY FUCKING SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE! I TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE! I DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MOM AND MY GIRLFRIEND EVERYTHING!I do everything for my fucking girlfriend. She cant even tell me the truth about anything. The whole relationship is falling apart because shes a chronic liar. Ive found out these past couple of weeks everything in this relationship was based on lies. Every time i tell her this is her last chance to tell me the truth or shes gone she lies right to my face. Its like she doesnt know how to tell the fucking truth. I almost let her go tonight, but she is severely depressed, and im just thinking maybe that has something to do with the lying, so im going to try to help her through this because i love her. My mom is trying to quit smoking right now, but she is most likely dying at the moment. She hasnt been able to breath lately and probably has emphysema or cancer. So tonight she was doing so good and i was so proud of her. Well i get home and shes flat out drunk, and it got worse all night. At first it was ok we just listened to music, but shes an angry drunk and as the night went on she just sat here telling me how happy she is that she is dying and she cant wait, and she wants to die and i just wanted her to stop. I asked her a million times and she wouldnt stop so i finally broke down into tears and started just going into a rage. She started yelling at me and all i did was just sit there and cry. (This happened 5 minutes ago) so she goes to her room and 2 seconds later i hear a loud boom and i run into her room to find her on the floor. I asked her if she was ok in a panic and she just got mad at me and got in bed. So i went into the kitchen and poured a good 80 dollars worth of alcohol out. Im not sure if my mom is going to even make it through the night. Im trying to go to college and get an education but everything is just falling down on me. Im afraid my mom is a month or so from dying and if she dies im going to lose everything. Shes pretty much my only family (dads already dead) and im so close to her i dont know what i would do. Not to mention i would have NO WHERE to go, i would be living on the street. I have no one to stay with, i couldnt go to school anymore, i dont have a car, i have nothing. Ive tried to stay positive for so long but im so close to just blowing my fucking head off. Im starting to wish i could just die and join my recently passed fighting legend (RIP Evan Tanner)in the afterlife. I just want to get away from this world, i want to di.......e......
All the suicide talk lately, MY TURN!
My experience has been that even when life is completely unbearable - in the very worst nights - somehow you can make it through to the morning.Though of course you'll do what you can for your mother, in the end it's her life and she is responsible for it. Has someone assessed her condition recently? You should be able to get advice on how she can be assessed from your doctor's office or from the local government. It may need a bit of ringing around, but it's worth it. She may be eligible for some government care or support.Most likely she has emphysema, which kills very slowly. It is unlikely she will die overnight, but if she is dying you and she should arrange between you, when she is sober, what will happen. Has she written a will? If she hasn't, now she should; if she has, she should tell you where it is, and what it contains. (The family solicitor turning up and reading the will after the funeral only happens in films - wills have to be found and there is no "reading of the will".)Remember, everything passes, even the unbearable. Try to get as much rest as you can.