datinglike really, what am I doing?It's comming up on 3 years since my marrage ended and I'm still just floating along from girl to girl. I was seeing someone for almost a year off and on. She is nice, attractive and very smart. Unfortunatly, she was also a liar and her lies ruined our potential. The lie that I caught her in was that she denied any sexual involvement with a male friend and I found that that was not the case. Now, I can't trust her and she can't figure out why (duh!!)I have a friend of many many years who want's us to be more now. She is a fantastic lady but I'm struggling with taking a long-term platonic relationship into the sexual relm. Frankly, it's a bit like trying to get jiggy with a sister. It seems that she has become emotionally invested in me though and I'd hate to hurt her and ruin our friendship. Also, she's not physically my type which is not so important but it would be upsetting to me if she thought I would reject her on such a shallow matter.Tonight, I went on a lovely date with a very attractive woman. I know her through a complicated web of my ex girlfriend, the father of her children, yadda yadda yadda. We just started haning out because she needed someone to talk to after a break up. We had a great time and then smooching occured in the car when I dropped her off.I know, this is all so complicated but such is my life.I don't know if I'm totally recovered from my marrage but probably not. Also, there is this person who lives many hours away but I have intense feelings for and I don't know if I can ever make that work out.so, I don't know what I'm doing. I probably shouldn't be dating at all until I feel fully repaired but I'm also not getting any youngerwhy is life so complicated? I'm not a child. I've been through a lot yet I still feel non the wiser
What the hell am I doing?
I can certainly understand your frustration. I'm sure there are many of us who feel the same way about our lives or have felt that way.I can't tell you what works for you. I was really hurt way back when that happened to me. I was like you in many ways. I dated, but then when it starteed to get serious, I usually bolted stage left. I was the one who kept comparing the others to my ex..Long, long story short. I finely dealt with the shit in my life and I found someone who just rocks my world everyday and night. It's been 18 years now that I have been with this man.You need to do some serious soul searching and determine what you want in your life and where you want to be..I know I'm not much help. I can feel your pain, really, as I have known you for a very long time. You are a very happy person full of love and life to share. Your a family man and you love your kid. It's time you became happy. Your are an extremely good looking man so,.... find out what you want man. deal with the hurt in your past and go enjoy life man... Life... It's too short to get all stuck in the drama of failed relationships....On a crazy side note... should you ever want to climb over the fence, I have so many friends who would to show you the world....I just wanted to throw that in there....LOLLove ya man!
Quote:On a crazy side note... should you ever want to climb over the fence, I have so many friends who would to show you the world.... it's not like that hasn't crossed my mind lol... but I aint there yet Rad, the lie was that she denied that she had ever had anything with her friend. They hang out requently and often crash at each other's house. She didn't want me to have issues with thier friendship so she flat out lied that they had never had sex. I found out the truth because she sent him an email from my house making reference to the incident and she fell asleep before she closed her facebook. She actually asked him whether she tasted good. She was obviously looking for some type of sexual afirmation from him while she was staying at my house. She has some very obvious social issues.Long story short, discovering the lie destroyed my trust. Such a significant lie is rarely solitary. She has several suposedly platonic male friends but how should I know any of that is the truth?Considering the bullshit my wife put me through, trust is a bit of an issue for me.sorry for the longish post but I hope I've explained the situation a bit more clearly(love u2 Rick)
I'm going to have to echo the Roc here. I know I'm a lot younger than you, and lacking a lot of experience, but it seems to me like you keep turning to others to find your happiness. As if there's someone perfect out there that will just make everything right.Maybe you should just take a step back from all relationships and focus on being with yourself, and being content with that. Obviously you don't have to stay alone, but long enough that you become emotionally confident and independent.
I agree... Nicely put....
Good advice for the infamous Mr. "U"
GET OUTTA my head..lolWell, you got my advice now, Mr. U!Really, you should work on finding yourself. How many years were you a "we". It is hard to separate yourself out of the "we" thing. I spent a year, alone, and sorted some of me out, it really payed off. It helps to know where you fit, when your alone in order to find a good match so that you don't have to be alone.It really helps with the sexual tension too, if you have someone that is just a F***ing friend, who will go home after you guys get your rocks off. But overnighters, aren't good for healing.
It's quite true that I'm still in a process of self rediscovery. (and I'm not that old lol) and it's also true that my marrage was something that partially defined who I was for a decade.
Sometimes, the sheer number of wommen who are interested in me is an "emabarassment of riches". It's certainly not what I predicted when I realised that I was suddenly going to be single.
I've had a few relationships that have lasted for a few months and it seems that I bolted from all of them. I've also had a few relationships that lasted a lot less than that (including 2 in 24hrs). I want the ones that don't want me and I don't want the ones that do.
All this just confirms what you've all said. I'm better off alone until I get my shit together. But I get so anxious sometimes. I get into a relationship and then always feel I can do better or I find some other fault. The liar, well that was a fault that most people would object to but most of the time I have friends asking me "what was wrong with her? we liked her"
I know that physical attention can be attained almost anywhere but ya know, I really like those silly romantic feelings. First kisses are really fun, especially if they weren't really expected. What I'm missing is the butterlies... the stomach flip-flops... the excitement. Maybe I'm too old and jaded for it so I'll just have to accept that child-like joy is something from my past. Although, I recently bumped into that girl I dated last year that was an ex from my past (the one from facebook) and as soon as I could smell her perfume, I became weak in the knees. Unfortunatly, that ship has definitively sailed!
now I'm just rambling (and I'm not even drunk)
Well fuck! Go get drunk. :wink:
>>>"What I'm missing is the butterflies... the stomach flip-flops... the excitement."
Now your old enough and experienced enough to know that shit has nothing to do with any long term relationship, if that is indeed what your actually missing. That shit is the new part of any relationship and doesn't last very long... or so I remember, it's been a while.
Long term relationships don't have that much to do with euphoric highs of love, excitement, and damn sure not butterflies in the stomach. Either that or I've been doing shit all wrong (A real possibility). Relationships are about putting up with the person you love in spite of the shit they do that drives you fuckin' crazy. Relationships are about respecting and loving some one and only seldom about being "in love" with 'em.
We all want that butterfly kiss excitement... it's just not part of a long term commitment.
You know all this shit, though.
Here you are talkin' about goin' from woman to woman to woman and how your missin' out... come here and let me slap you. :wink: Where's the jealous smiley when you need one.
In seriousness, like others said here, get your personal shit together and dealt with and behind you before you think about getting into another long term thing.
Quote: Long term relationships don't have that much to do with euphoric highs of love, excitement, and damn sure not butterflies in the stomachI don't know if I can totally agree with that. My marrage did have a lot of flirtyness and passion until it drew to a close. Sure we had to put up with each others' shit but we also couldn't keep our hands off each other. Quote:Here you are talkin' about goin' from woman to woman to woman and how your missin' out... come here and let me slap you. yeah, I probably deserve that. My best friend is married to the second person he ever had sex with and he has little patience for my complaints.Maybe I keep looking for something without knowing what it is. Or maybe the stupidest thing I'm doing is not getting in the car and making a 6 hour drive to where that something might just might be waiting
Originally Posted By: unsupervised I don't know if I can totally agree with that. My marrage did have a lot of flirtyness and passion until it drew to a close. Sure we had to put up with each others' shit but we also couldn't keep our hands off each other.....................................................................Maybe I keep looking for something without knowing what it is. I am wondering this, are you trying to replace the marriage?Also, I think that we don't know what we are looking for in a relationship as much as we like to say we do. You find it, and you know it...BUT the bottom line, is, you have to know who you are alone. I know I am harping on that, but it is SOOOO true! No one is perfect, but until you can define your own life, your not going to be able to welcome anyone else fully into it.