If you have time, please read; if not, it's ok.

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This Friday night, there is a dance at school. Incidentally, it is also my friend's (we're in the same grade, and I've known her forever) sister's 21st birthday party. Do you know what I'm doing? Do you think I'm going to this said dance, as any normal teenager would, considering it's my final year of school? To answer this question, no I'm not. I'm babysitting. You know who's sister? The sister of the girl I mentioned above. Is this normal? (rhetorical question)

Ok, so that was just a lead up to what might turn out to be a little, shall we say, rant. I feel sorta bad posting such insignificant crap up here, but for now, it seems like the only outlet I have.

It's always been like that, I don't often go out to places because I don't feel like I'm really wanted there. People can invite me, but then I just feel like the dumbass tag-along. You might be thinking, well if they bothered to invite you they want you there, but honestly it's just out of politeness. Whenever people need someone to help them out, give help with homework, or any of that kind of stuff, they call me. They think I'll always be there, and you know what, I am. But I'm getting tired of it.

There's another girl, let's call her Emma, (this all sounds sooo stupid, I know but I'm getting sick of writing in a diary were I get no replies) whenever I call her, she always says that she was about to call me. I'm conducting a little experiment at the moment, I'm waiting for her to call me. I haven't heard from her since the beginning of August. And we were supposed to be ''close''?

One more thing about this stupid, god-forsaken dance. All my 'friends' have boyfriends. So, they'd, obviously, go together. This is yet another area where I just don't fit in. I can barely hold onto a guy, and the one that actually stuck around for a while turned out to be a complete dick. There's also this other guy, who seems genuinely nice, but you never know (sorry to all you nice guys out there); but of course, he has a girlfriend, who it seems he will only break up with if hell freezes over. But I wouldn't want him to anyway, for whatever reason, because she seems to make him so happy and I think that when you have as strong feelings as I've stupidly allowed myself to develop for this guy, you just want to see them smiling, not sad.

This has gone on for long enough, and if you have stuck with me for this whole mish-mesh of god only knows what, then I thank you for listening. Really truly, thank you for actually bothering to listen.

wow. well if you want to stop being a "doormat" because it kinda seems thats how others see you, then you need to do it for yourself. next time someone asks you for something, just say no. or next time you talk to "emma" just say how you feel. i was JUST like you for years. i didnt go out, i helped everyone with everything and i always had to be the one to call. no one called me, and if i was invited i felt like a total outsider. UNTIL i just stopped one day. my friend (we'll call her cathrine) cathrine asked me for something one day bc she had to go out that night and i said no. she was shocked and played it off as nothing, but i could tell she was pissed i wouldn't do her homework. when she called me THAT weekend to ask if i was mad at her i said no but explained to her i was done doing her 'sh*t' ! and she was totally fine with it and while we were on the phone she invited me over.just be honest, dont let people walk all over you, and if you want to go to that dance, then cancel babysitting while you still have time. i hope i helped a little /: !!

Thank you for the reply...I was surprised someone did to be honest! I really wanted to delete this thread today because no-one should be subjected to my whining. As for the advice, thanks very much! I actually tried dooing that before; just before school broke for summer, I tried to speak with Emma about it, but she basically blew it off and started talking about her boyfriend problems. But I suppose I hardly expected her to actually listen, no-one really ever does, do thanks again mlassesP4122!

i didnt go out much either & didnt have the guts to ask anyone out one day i woke up and decided to take control of my life pepole resond if you have condfindince in yourself pepole will respect you me and my dad fight constotly one day i stood up to him and now he respects me i dont let anyone walk over me and nobody dares to do it if you want somthing you have to fight for it i shoot archery i go to this little shop and couldnt hit the broadside of a barn when i got cofindent in my shot i got good enough that im being condsidered for a pro so i geuss im saying DONT LET ANYBODY WALK OVER YOU BUT DONT BE MEAN TO PEAPOLE EITHER

Stading up to my father is something that never ends well, no matter how nicely I do it. As for fighting for things, I would never fight for somebody, as in to get somebody, I'd just let them go. I don't really get that emotionally attached to people. That might actually be the problem, but I doubt that I can change that. Don't worry, I won't be mean to people, I wouldn't be able to! Thanks for the reply!