Hi, long time reader first time poster. Thanks in advance for listening.I'm a 22 year old guy, working full time. I have big issues with anxiety in social situations. I thought it would get better over time and I have made changes in my lifestyle to try and help myself, Such as losing weight & stopping biting my nails.However, when I'm in social situations, weather that be out in clubs or bars/club or at home I just feel uncomfortable and clam up, I don't dance in clubs, If I get pulled onto the dance floor I just freeze and stand there like a lemon. When it comes to breaking point I just feel like I need to escape and I do this by just leaving all of a sudden from the bar/club & making people worried or if I'm at home come up to my room until everyone has gone.When I do this I just torture myself in my head, asking why did I did what I did and tell myself that I'm an idiot. I regret my actions, but this doesn't stop me from doing it again and again.This also has side effects, I have friends, but not close ones, I can't bring myself to discuss these issues with them because they will think I'm attention seeking, they have problems of their own, they don't need mine too.I've never been past the chatting stage in a relationship, most of my friends are female, because I see them, chat to them but I can't make the connection, or see the signals that they may/may not like me. So they end up being just friends. A girl moved into our house a few months ago and I like her very much, I would do anything for her and I would be so upset if anything happened to her. I have no idea if she feels the same way. But now it's too late, she has met someone a few weeks ago and is in a relationship with him and it makes me so upset to know that it could have been me. This inevitably brings on some more mental torture.It feels like I'm just incapable of basic human interaction and it's debilitating. I have resorted to self harm about 5 years ago but after my mothers reaction to that I haven't done it again for her sake, and plus I have to lie to people when they ask where the scars are from.I've not been to see a doctor or psychiatrist, as in the UK if you do so it is marked on your record, for potential employers to see. Life is difficult, fair enough, but surely it shouldn't be this bad?
Stuck in a rut
Firstly , congratulations on your change of lifestyle , you should be really proud of yourself , its not easy !! Look at the acheivements you have made (i.e. losing weight , your job , stopping self harm etc etc ) this really should provide you with a huge confidence boost , you have a lot to be proud of , even if you do not know it.Hmm , i kind of get where you are coming from , i am pretty shy when i first get to know someone , and yet after , and i know them , i feel a lot more relaxed, is this the same for you ?It is really natural , to want to run away from a situation in which you feel uncomfortable! I would deffinately go to your friends , its not attention seeking at all , friends are there to offer up support when you need them , and i am sure you would do the same thing if they were to ask you for help! ( and there is always a warm ear on here , if you feel unable to talk to your friends)Don't keep beating yourself up, it doesnt help , and neither does harming yourself! It really isn't going to help and if anything this is problem making it worse !!Why not try and identify what exactly makes you nervous in social situations , its often easier to tackle the problem once you know what your up against!I really hope this helps !Tor x