I've been depressed for the last 4.5 years. I know I've been depressed. Sometimes it's unbearable, and I just want to die, while at other times, I can enjoy my life, and only be depressed at home, when I'm alone. I'm only 17 years old, and I've felt this way since my father died when I was 12. I had not told anyone about this until recently, when I told a few of my very close friends whom I trust. One of my friends said he'd look into something for me. I never really considered counselling. I have a very hard time expressing myself after my father died. I resort to hiding my feelings through jokes, and not talking to people about them. When my grandfather died, I didn't cry, even though he was very close to me. I just couldn't. I had not cried for 3 years at one point, until I emotionally broke down and cried in my room for hours for no reason. I want to be able to express myself, but I just can't. Since I've been depressed, I don't care nearly as much about school, or sports. I used to play competitively, but I gave that up because I no longer felt like playing. My interest in everything has gone down. If I'm in a bad mood, I won't do anything. I just stare at my wall, and think. I never let anybody inside my head, I'm just quiet and distant. This has caused problems in relationships, and is usually the reason that girlfriends grow tired of me. All I want to do is be able to open up to people emotionally. My friend has found a free place for me to go and get counselling, but I don't feel as though I'm ready. He wants to take me this coming Tuesday, but I'm very nervous, and even scared of this. My best friend thinks it will be good, but I'm not to sure. I haven't even told my mother how I feel yet. Do you think counseling will be productive? Or is it more important to figure out if I really want to go before I go? Or should I just go to try it? I'm so confused.
Should I go?
Counselling isn't for people who know exactly what they want. Confusion is a good reason for counselling, because talking things through helps you see what you want, and start to be able to work out how to get there. So I think your uncertainty is a good reason for trying counselling.
I have always found that talking to people and 'getting things off of my chest' makes a massive difference to the way i feel, it can definitely turn things around. Also the lack of interest in everything, which you said about, my chemistry teacher always says that you wont change the world by big gestures, the best way is to do it by small acts of goodness at a time.
I hope this has helped if not tell me to shut up :smile:
I kinda understand how you feel. I can say I've been depressed for quite some time. Sometimes I'm in a really great mood and feel like my old self.. and sometimes I'm just incredibly bitchy, sad and have a really really bad attitude. I used to be someone who was always happy.. always trying to help people and cheer them up.. and now half the time i'm just depressed.. I can be sitting somewhere and all of a sudden just want to start crying... or driving and then a thought will enter my head and ill just start tearing up.
I also lost interest in alot of things I liked, mainly music. I used to be really good at playing the piano, drums and loved singing (it was my passion). Now I can barely remember how to play... (probably because im a huge pot head.
I blame becoming a huge pot head for a lot of my problems.. i feel when i first started smoking that it made me feel great. Such a rush! Now... sometimes after i smoke it I don't even feel happy.. I feel angry and depressed... Do you smoke too??
You should definetly go see somebody and talk to them about how you feel and all the issues in your life. Depression can lead to suicidal thoughts (you can't really stop yourself from thinking of that stuff when you're depressed... depression is a mental illness.) I think you should get the help when you are actually willing to do it.