OK, so this Halloween will be myself and the woman's 1st year anniversary. Quite an achievement for me, I've never made it this long before. But there are aspects of the relationship that are starting to worry me, one of which heavily reflects on my last relationship. This issue, of course being the most important, is sex.I'm not having any, at least not in the frequency that was once common in our relationship. Its been about 2 weeks, maybe 3, since the last time, which wouldn't usually bother me except for two factors. The first being that the last time we had sex we were both drunk and I was given a choice of going out with my friends or having sex. Considering that I rarely go out with my friends any more and I rarely have sex any more, it was a surprisingly tough decision. The second factor that bothers me is that not only have the last 3 weeks been lacking in the sexy time (and by this I do mean all forms of sexual interaction beyond kissing) but this last weekend I was celebrating my 21st birthday. She gave me a lovely new phone, a pair of jeans and a nice pair of shoes, for which I am very grateful. But would it have hurt to give me even the slightest little pat of the crotch?Now there is some reason behind this that I can understand, in celebration of my birthday her lady parts decided to have their monthly wine party (they are ridiculous drunks, they keep spilling red wine everywhere!) But am I wrong to hope for, hell, even expect some form of sexual interaction on such an occasion? And if so, how would one go about expressing this to their partner? I'm not one to shy away from sex-talk or anything, but I'm afraid that I just don't have the heart to say, "Its my birthday, why aren't you sucking my cock?"This large dip in the sex department is all too familiar of the slow decline of my last relationship, leading me to very hurtful self-image thoughts. But alas, she stirs. Apparently some people don't like to wake up at 3am to the sound of a keyboard...
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And the spell breaks...
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This happens to plenty of couples. Just voice your opinion.. maybe shes feeling the same way.
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She isn't oblivious, on the actual night of my birthday she said that she was sorry she "didn't give me sex" on my birthday, then passed out. (Not drunk, just tired.) This says 2 things really, that she knows that we haven't been having sex and also that she has some weird view that sex is something that she gives me, not something that we share as a couple.
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Bob your falling into the trap of putting this own yourself which may be entirely wrong. It's far more likely, I think, that any lack of sex is a problem on her part. When one partner avoids sex yet the relationship seems to remain a loving one, the problem is generally with the one avoiding the act.
It's like this, for a woman it may be I've put on five pounds and don't feel sexy and you probably think I'm a fat pig. Being naked with you make me uncomfortable because of my issues with my body. For a man it might be (has been for me on occasion) I don't want sex because I don't think I can please you and your not going to be satisfied and I'm going to feel like a failure, so it's just not worth it. See what I'm saying?
The problem could be any number of things but as long as the relationship feels loving the lack of sex is probably a symptom of a personal issue she is having trouble with.
Also, unless there's a pattern or you have other reason to think sex is something she "gives" you, I wouldn't read to much into how she put it.
Reading meaning that isn't there into shit, well...That's what chicks do... of course being a chick maybe it means something, I don't know but it sounds fairly innocuous to me. Moreover it simply sounds reminiscent of that old societal thing that women don't have sex they give themselves up to men. Which everyone knows is bullshit but thats the way polite society liked to portray it.
Ultimately you know that only answer is to communicate with her. Talk about it in a non-threatening way with her that's the only way your gonna find out anything at all.
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How is it HER fault? How do you know she's avoiding it?? I havent had sex with my boyfriend in 2 weeks.. does that make it my fault?? Weve gone longer than a month without sex... it just means that there is more to our relationship than just sex. Bob you havent talked to her right? Maybe she feels the exact same way as you do.
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I don't think it's anyone's fault and I'm not saying she's avoiding sex, I have no idea. From Bob's post it certainly sounds like he thinks she's avoiding it. Maybe I'm reading something that's not there. I admit to that being entirely possible if not probable.
What I'm saying is that if, if, somebody is avoiding sex its often for reason of their own insecurities rather than because they want to avoid their partner. That's not fault, that's a potential reason.
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Just talk to her bob. You've been dating this long it won't be weird
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You say that you just turned 21, so she's around about the same age right? If she's in college or working, maybe she's just having a tough time of it and has been stressed lately. As I think you said yourself, she is aware that you guys haven't been active lately, so it's not as if she's blindly unaware. Hows about you guys just have a talk, but not when either of is tired or cranky or grouchy or sleepy, as that has huge potential in causing problems. And do it with a smile!smiles