I find other girls really attractive

---

I've been going out with this girl for a few years now, I find her attractive, personaly and physicaly, and I like the sex. I consider myself in love with this girl, she always makes me smile when I talk, think, or see her, even if something negative is going on between us at the time. this is a girl I want to marry and be with for the rest of my life. now, with that out of the way I have a problem.lately I've come to admit that I really find other girls attractive too, physically and personality wise. it seems like its not just 'the one' for me. I don't know, I feel like I could love more than one person wholly and completely, I know that goes against normal western thought but this is what its looking like. its taken me awhile to admit this and I am reluctant to do so because I feel like it might make my relationship with this girl invalid. in my heart I know it doesn't because I know how I feel, but my heart and mind are warring over this.another thing, I'm not into the idea of a one night stand; at all, it really doesn't sound good to me. it would seem I want a relationship, including sex, with more than one girl, which is lame.img worried that if I just ignore this ill end up being unfaithful way later down the line, and I don't want that, I wouldn't want to hurt this girl I love, but I have this urge to have more relationships, or at least a bigger one.about a month ago I found out that my girlfriend (a bisexual) was given oral by a mutual female friend of ours who was broken up with her current boyfriend at the time, and then felt really bad afterward. they were drunk, not an excuse but it does lower inhibitions, I was surprised to find that it didn't really bother me, it really didn't. if it had been a guy it would have, but I like this other girl as well, I could see myself going out with her, and so it just didn't set anything negative off, except that my girlfriend didn't tell me, which hurt.I am this girl's first boyfriend and she is my second girlfriend, we are eachother's cherry poppers :p

How old are you? Where are you at in your life?

20, in college and working part time

It sounds to me like you have the natural male proclivity to want to spread the seed, so to speak, but like many males out there you need the emotional connection as well as the sexual one to get gratification. It's natural to find other people attractive, engaging and desirable. The simple difference is that if your committed to someone you do nothing about it.As for not getting pissed at finding out that your girl was with another woman at one time or other, I think that would be representative of a lot of men. A lot of men would be to turned on to get jealous. That may not be you, I don't know.Now are you saying that because you have these feelings your having second thoughts about your lady?

well, not really questioning, its just the way I've been brought up and the way my thinking went before I started being more attracted to other females is warring with this new thought that maybe I could like more than one person. the old thoughts are saying "if I REALLY love her I wont like anyone else", but the new ones are saying "apparently not"what I'm worried about is that one day ill just get overcome by these thoughts and try and do something behind her back, which I really couldn't live with... I could see myself in the future being friends with a girl then something happening. I don't thiiiiink I would initiate things, but I don't really know. I would most likely feel too guilty and not do it, but I'm sure I would have feelings of regret in the back of my head, which I might try to deny, to my self, which doesn't work well with me.as for the he being with the other lady, I really looked into what I was thinking at the time, yes it was an attractive thought, especially considering what I've been thinking lately, about admitting to myself that I like other girls, but I also didn't feel betrayed except in that she didn't tell me. its kind of ironic actually, my first girlfriend kissed another girl while we were going out and broke it off with me and started going out with her, so I would think I would be very upset or something... maybe I'm just not wired to care if its a girl? huh... when that happened with my first gf I didn't feel betrayed ether, I just felt really really bad because I liked her a lot and she wasn't going out with me anymore.

Im a 21 year old woman and I find many men extremely attractive. Cant really help myself. You can look but you can't touch!

I'm having a bit of trouble here because I not sure what the problem really is. Do you think your not supposed to be attracted to other people, cause you have somebody?

oye yeah, i guess ive just been noticing it more lately or something... bah : /

i KNOW my boyfriend finds other women attractive. It bothered me at first.. but then I thought how could I be annoyed if I feel the same way.. it's better I dont know.. Ive never seen him check out a girl EVER.. hes seen me do it a couple times.. oops!

yeah, sorry, thats not really the problem, i have that figured out i just put it in the original post to show I'm kind of in a transitional phase between mindsets i guess. before i thought it would be bad to be attracted to other people, i thought you could see them as looking pretty, but to actualy find them mentaly and emotionaly attractive was bad. now i dont really think that, but feel slightly guilty about it. i just shouldnt have put it in the original post.the question im asking the forum is this:should i talk out this issue with my girlfriend before its too late? or should i just ignore it and it will eventually go away, is this a phase where i want more than one girlfriend or whatever? I worry that if i don't say anything i will eventually be unfaithful, i don't worry about falling out of love with my girlfriend, i worry about falling in love with someone else at the same time.

just because you find someone attractive inside and out doesnt mean your going to be unfaithful.. its called self restraint. You dont have to fall in love with someone just because theyre good looking and have a good personality. There are alot of those people around! You dont see me falling in love with Mr U do you?

i guess that's what it comes down too then? self restraint? woh is me... luckily i wouldn't like someone who felt comfortable seducing someone else's boyfriend, so if anyone does try and seduce me i wont have to worry about that... of course then again i really feed off of other peoples emotions, and if a girl i like as a close friend and who i found attractive started showing signs of liking me but trying not to show it, or i found out in some other way, i would have a problem because i think i could start to like them as well, at which point i would ether have to say "nope, cant hang out with this good friend of mine who i really like and enjoy hanging out with, because i have to stay faithful" then i can see myself subconsciously feeling guilty for actually, excuse the grade school term but, "like-liking" another girl, but also feeling resentful towards my relationship.hmmm, something just clicked, i wonder if my problem is that i haven't had more than two relationships, in which case I'm skrew-ed, because i do love this girl and would never want to lose or hurt her. >.< ps. I have to go for awhile, I'll be back later, thank you for help'n me talk through this, i appreciate it

Romantic novels and films do give the wrong impression, that love or marriage mean you only have eyes for your Beloved. It may happen for a while, but in the main it's rubbish.

But talking to your girlfriend is not likely to help matters. What can she say? The best you can hope for is "you can look but not touch", but at worst she may take it (wrongly) as meaning you don't love her enough.

Originally Posted By: IneligibleBut talking to your girlfriend is not likely to help matters. What can she say? The best you can hope for is "you can look but not touch", but at worst she may take it (wrongly) as meaning you don't love her enough. That's right...she probably has this "fairy-tale" idea about love, too. Being in love with just one person is a concious decision...it's not a natural action. The natural action, especially at your age, is to screw everything in site. Bottom line: you have to value a relationship enough to do what it takes to keep it.

Yeah, I completely agree. Its not something you should mention to the girlfriend.

yeah, really I'm not too worried about myself now, I don't think I would cheat, and if its an "at your age" thing then ill probably be ok.
I do have some issue though, a big part of the talk she and I had after I found out about our mutual female friend and her was that we need to be honest, I really don't get the point otherwise.
she was convinced that I would break up with her, and when I didn't she nearly broke it off with me because she was afraid things couldn't be the same, she wasn't worried that they would change after what happened, she was worried that they would change after I found out. she didn't have enough faith in me or the relationship to be completely honest, even though she new that she loved me.
when I asked her if she loved me after telling her what I knew, I believed her when she said yes because I had too. you can never really know one way or another, its faith. she didn't think I could ever trust her again, which was untrue.

now, I am at a place almost exactly like her's. I haven't cheated on her or anything, but I have something I would like to tell her that would test her faith in me and our relationship. Could she believe what I was saying? that I loved her still, 100%? that's what I asked her to do after all. If she _ever _had something I needed to know, she should tell me. I now I am too scared to do that very thing. I feel like I'm being unfaithful now because I don't have the faith in her. Am I undermining our future relationship? will a relationship with a dark secret pertaining directly to that relationship be able to flourish? will I always wonder?

its like gambling. the payoff could be good, I could discover who I was, and we could grow in our relationship, but then again, I could lose it all, or just start the proses by insuing mistrust. if I do nothing the stakes might be slightly lower, but I still run the risk of poisoning our relationship in not having true and unshakable confidence in it.

I don't really want to risk her thinking I don't love her, I don't want to see that pain on her face, which is probably exactly what she was thinking. I still don't know what to do. This situation sucks and I hope it just goes away soon. what, its just my 20's right? 10 years? maybe 15 or 20? just a phase.

Though couples often say they want 100% honesty, in practice I think it's not necessarily a good idea. When a woman says, "Does my butt look big in this?", an honest "Yes, huge" is rarely appreciated. You shouldn't tell your wife her looks have faded, even though this happens to everyone. Nor should you tell her, with honesty, that she is beginning to remind you of her mother.In other words, discretion is a virtue.

Quote: honest "Yes, huge" is rarely appreciated.you may get popped or slapped for saying that. lol

I have been!

to me, that kind of seems like living a bunch of little lies, if you ask me a question i'm gonna give you my honest opinion, its not fair to me to expect a dishonest one. i believe that if you are constantly honest in your relationship then if that question was asked then an honest answer wouldn't be taken as offensive. i like the idea that, even though you have to filter all other human interaction through a seive to find out what people really mean, in your relationship it should be different.if i answer the big butt question truthfully, then the next time i say she looks absolutely stunning it will be believed, rather than taken as a sweet complement. if you never have anything honestly good to say about someone you proooobebly are in the wrong relationship right? now im not saying that people who do say the little white lies aren't telling the truth when they say their girlfriend looks good in something, im just saying the girlfriend has to wonder. they have to think "is he just saying that?" and even if they come to the conclusion that you were telling the truth, they dont know for sure, and would probelby just brush it off as a sweet complement. If i say that to my girlfriend then she can take that with her all day and KNOW that i ment it, and KNOW she looks good.if your only honest about negative things sometimes, like you only sometimes say her butt looks big in that, then every time you are honest she will think your being mean. "why did he say that THIS time, when my butt looked big last time and he said it didnt?" that just seems like it would add all the little complications of normal life to a relationship. i want my girlfriend to be completely and utterly confident in me and our relationship when i tell her i love her. i really dont want negative things to build up and spew out during a heated moment. "You know that one time i said your butt looked fine?! well it DIDNT!!!!!"but with this im worried about her not beleiving me when i say i love her and could love others. this might be something for years from now.