NO SYMPATHY FOR TEEN MOTHERS

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Manduca, thank you for resurrecting this board. If you were gonna spend all this time finding this old discussion, the least you could have done was added something original. But you didn't. I've heard it all before...

My decision to have a second child was not to do with 'having a playmate' for my 1st child, my decision to have a 2nd child was made with my partener, we knew we could afford it, and we thought we were ready to extend our family. it felt right, and yes, my 1st child and my 2nd child get on very well thankfully prob because they are close in age but i wouldnt be as inconciderate as to bring a child into the world just for another child. it was because i knew the time was right. can i ask you, did you ask that question to have a dig at me? because your above (is it 5?) replies were rather immature, im happy to answer qus, i think its good to discuss things, but putting things like 'blah blah' etc doesnt help mature descussion at all.

Just a question here, but does your son KR ever feel left out because his birthday is so far away from everyone elses? You, your partner and your first son are all in July and he is way out in September. Just wondering (and also trying to lighten the mood )

"can i ask you, did you ask that question to have a dig at me? because your above (is it 5?) replies were rather immature, im happy to answer qus, i think its good to discuss things, but putting things like 'blah blah' etc doesnt help mature descussion at all."No---I asked because I was just curious, as it's very unusual for people to chose to have a child at such a young age (it's usually an accident). I support your decision, but it surprised me since that's not something very many teenagers would be able to handle. As for the "blah blah blah" I admit, that was quite immature. It was actually not directed at you. I was upset with the person who was talking harshly about teen mothers. Then again, my comments certainly didn't express my opinion very well, sorry about that

fair enuf. it just came across as a bit of a dig at me. it is unusual for someone to chose to have a second child at such a young age but because of what i went through i had to mature a lot, i just knew i was ready and my boyfriend was too. we wanted to have another child and knew we could support antoher child, and want to have our family young, because then we can have our later lives to 'be free' so to speak. its like, we had joseph and so didnt want him to be an only child, but - and i dont grudge him this for a second - my childhood can be said to have been shortened, and i intend to live my older life for me, and andy. Obv id still be there for my children but having a family young was what we think best. i do want more children but have started uni now, so i want to complete the course first, and establish my career based upon that (hopefully)degree. i hope that helps you understand why i chose to have another child at 15.bobalicious, KR being on his own bday wise hasnt actually ever been an issue, id never really thought about it, if u think about it though, its K's advantage because he has a whole month to himself.. lol.

In reply to: i intend to live my older life for me, and andy. Obv id still be there for my children but having a family young was what we think best.In reply to:i do want more children but have started uni now, so i want to complete the course first, and establish my career based upon that (hopefully)degree.Those are contradictory ideas. If you have more kids when you're 35, after your first batch are out the door, you're going to have less time for yourself and your significant other.

yes, but i finish my course at 21, so, the idea is to have more at around 22, 23.. so that at 45 or abouts, i have the rest of the time. that make sense? that was what i meant.
however, plans change, i may not have any more children, or i may have more.. things can change, and if we make the descission to have more children older then we will have descussed the fact that we may not get as much time together when we are older.
as i say, its jsut plans, plans and circumstances can change. but yeah, lol that was contradictory! i didnt get my point out very well there!

Ah man I just read the first post.

Its really harsh. I went out with this 16 yearold with a year and half old baby. She was the sweetest thing. Like she was fucking stupid getting pregnant at 14 but she DOES deserve sympathy. If we just stick our noses up at these girl's their lives will be so much harder.

At the same time I do see where your comming from. Like what the fuck was she doing shagging all these guys at 14. But thats modern society and culture which needs to change...and change quickly cos right now its causing loadsa shit.

yeah everyone needs support when having children, but more so younger people.
you are right, society is like that these days, people are having children younger and younger, but it doesnt mean they dont need help.
however, the idea that its clever to just 'get pregnant' young is not a good one
can i ask you, how did the girl you knew cope? did she have good support family wise, friend wise? what was her view on having a child so young? what was her oppinion? if you know... i just think itl help to get another point/picture in there.

thats modern society and culture No, it isn't. It's unethical to have sex at that young of age. What it really is: hormones. Pure nature. It's telling them have sex, they want to have sex, they know they're not supposed to, and instead of using self-control, they just go ahead and do it.

Unethical? That's an interesting way of looking at it.

what u said is... interesting. could you elaberate on that a little? im not sure i entirely understans what u mean.i would agree with steveA unethical is an interesting way of looking at it... please expain somemore...

Everytime SteveA responds to my posts, I think.. Ohh Shitt, I messed up on something... I said something completely idiotic...Okay, it is totally against ethics to have sex when you are 13, 14. Look at Strapingyounglad... He himself is very against it. Everyone I meet is against a 14 year old having a child- nobody thinks it's a good idea for someone that age to be having a kid. If you were a 14 year old girl, and had sex with a guy, you would be going against ethics because you shouldn't be having sex at the age that you are at. Does that make any sense? Or am I just wrong?

Every time? Jeeeeez. Just think of all the posts I don't respond to as having implied "Yeah, right on!" responses.I wasn't saying you were wrong; I jost haven't heard the word "ethics" used in that context. If ethics is "a set of principles of right conduct", then if you define having sex at a young age as wrong conduct, then there's no argument.Would it be wrong for 14-year-olds to have a kid if there were somehow no chance of a pregnancy resulting?

steveA do u mean "Would it be wrong for 14-year-olds to have sex if there were somehow no chance of a pregnancy resulting?"coz i didnt understand it otherwise..if so, i get what (i think) you mean, if it was said that having children at 13, 14, and 15 was unethical, is it unethical because there is a child been born to a teenager or because they teenagers HAD sex in the first place?but i get what ajmakoko says, if you are going that having sex at 13, 14, 15 years of age is against the codes of conuct, it is unethical. as with everything in life though not everyone complies with ethics, ethics mean different things to different people. some people think that abortion is unethical, but people still abort thier babies, and some would say that abortion would be the ethical way of dealing with something such as unwanted pregnancy and such, (we are not talking about abortion, but its just an example) etc. what i would like to ask is, ignoring the fact that it is unethical or not, do you disaprove of teen mothers because they did something you concider unethical or because they have a child? if they didnt have a child would you still think 'oh, they are doing something unethical by having a sexual relationship' ?

for some reason i agree with this topic, it is their fault for getting into it. But if they were forced then NO BLAME can be aimed towards them at any cost.

In reply to:steveA do u mean "Would it be wrong for 14-year-olds to have sex if there were somehow no chance of a pregnancy resulting?"coz i didnt understand it otherwise..if so, i get what (i think) you mean, if it was said that having children at 13, 14, and 15 was unethical, is it unethical because there is a child been born to a teenager or because they teenagers HAD sex in the first place?Exactly.In reply to:some people think that abortion is unethical, but people still abort thier babies, and some would say that abortion would be the ethical way of dealing with something such as unwanted pregnancy and such, (we are not talking about abortion, but its just an example)I assume the people who think abortion is ethical might choose to have one under certain circumstances, and people who don't think it's ethical won't have them. It's not universally agreed upon.In reply to:what i would like to ask is, ignoring the fact that it is unethical or not, do you disaprove of teen mothers because they did something you concider unethical or because they have a child? if they didnt have a child would you still think 'oh, they are doing something unethical by having a sexual relationship' ?I think it's unethical to have and keep a child, whether or not you're a teen, if you can't properly feed, clothe, house, and educate the child. The "ethics" of sexual relationships based on age is harder to nail down. The question is, can two 12-year-olds give informed consent? Maybe. I'm not sure.

fair enough, but the last bit wasnt actually aimed at you, it was the other guy, but i do get what u mean.

yes it is thier fault' if a teenager goes and gets pregnant because they think its a good idea and its cool or whatever then find that they cant cope because its not all glamour as it looks. it is thier fault if they then blame thier having to leave school, not getting a good job, living in a bad area because the housing support have put them there, not having any money etc on the fact that they have a child. with anything you do, if YOU do it then YOU are to blame.the teenagers that think its cool to keep a guy, or because their friend, or the woman on the bus has a baby, or because they are rebelling, or because they simply havent thought it through can not blame any one but themselves for thier situation. even i agree with that. However, they still deserve support, not for them but for the child involved. that kid cant help being born to someone who hasnt thought it through. I think the initial point on the first post was a correct one. teen mothers dont deserve sympathy. the teens who, as i say, havent thought it through dont deserve sympathy for getting into a bad situation, but then neither do young mums who DONT moan. I think that if you have a child you need help, even if its just from family and friends, at any age but especially young. having the child was a choice that was made, and ok, some girls feel that they can not do anything else but have the child, but still a choice was made, and what is needed is support, not sympathy.

I don't usually respond to old threads, but i can't sleep, its 2am here in LA. I saw your post, and I couldn't agree with you more.The worst thing is that, do you who foots the bill for all thier mistakes ? The taxpayers of course. So comon all you middle class Americans, work harder so these teenage girls (and guys) can keep thier "babies", that they love so much.