Losing a friend.

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Wow... I can't believe what just happened. I'm sitting here in tears as I write this desperate plea for advice... I just can't believe it's come to this.One of my best friends called me a little over an hour ago, asking if she could come and hang out. (No, this is not my friend from my post from earlier in the week). Anyways, I said sure, nobody was home at my place, and she had been acting funny for the past week, so I wanted to know what's up. She came over, and said that she had something to tell me. She told me how she doesn't feel that our friendship is fair, how I make things difficult for her, with all of my problems. She doesn't want to be friends with me right now. She wants me to work out my issues before being friends with her.These issues mainly are my lack of emotion. Since my father died, I don't care what I say to people, if I anger them. I can't be serious with people without offending them, or making them upset. She was one of the 3 people I could seriously talk to, and feel like they were there for me. I can't believe that she'd up and run like that. It's only been a few hours, and I already miss her. The minute she left, I burst into tears. I couldn't cry in front of her though. She was in tears as she was telling me this. I just sat there, and took it. I tried to give her a hug, telling her that I wanted to be friends, and I'd work it out. She just pushed me away, and told me to go and see someone. This is the one thing that I've expressed to her that I don't want to do. My family doesn't know about my depression and problems, and I prefer to keep it that way. I feel terrible for making her feel so bad. I just wish I could go back, and be a kinder more caring person. I want to tell people how I feel. I've made a promise to myself in this past hour to speak from my heart. I'll try to be kinder, and be there for people when they need me. But I still refuse to seek professional help. I just want her to not feel this way. She told me we could be friends once I got myself sorted out... I just don't know how long that will be, and I really love her. I need to change my ways, I just know it's going to take a lot of hard work and self control. I don't know how long it will take, and by then, we may be off to different universities, without a chance to see each other. I feel so emotionally lost... I just need advice. I don't know what to do. I just want my friend back All of this is making me go back down the suicidal road. I don't want to live without my friend. She thinks this will help me, but ever since I've felt terrible. I love her, and she doesn't want to be friends anymore... I just am in a state of shock. I just want to be her friend.

Hi Flea, I used to annoy my friends too. It can take some time to learn how to interact with other people - I don't think I'm much good at it even now. But one thing that helped me a lot was to try to put myself in the other person's shoes, and imagine how he or she would feel when faced with me and what I was saying.

Looks like this a wake up call for you to clean things up in your life.. If your best friend is bailing on you, that must mean that your problems and attitude are bringing her down. It may be affecting her relationships with other people becasue of yur actions. Good will can only go so far.

I'm pretty sure you're right. And I hate myself for it.

Hating yourslef will do nothing for you.. Maybe it's time you **DO **something about it.

I don't really know where to start though. I don't really want to go to a professional...

Many people aren't capable of handling these things on their own.. Apparently you fall into this group. There is no shame in admitting you need some help.

There's nothing wrong with getting help when it's needed. A great deal can be gained in having some one you can open up to that you are not beholden to in any other way.

You can't just dump on your friends non-stop. People can't take that. By going to a shrink you can give your worst shit to him and save the better you for your friends.

Give it some serious consideration. If what your doing now isn't creating any improvement, and it sounds like it's not, it's time to try something new.

The thing is, I can't afford a shrink. I'm going to be moving out next year, and I need to save up my money for that. My friend offered to take me to a free place downtown, but I think it's only a one time thing.

Go see your doctor.. im pretty sure its covered. (??)At least thats what my doctor told me.

Real friends are though for you in good times AND bad, but It sounds like you've been having far more bad times them good lately and she's finding it really hard to cope with that.
I know first hand how venting negitive emotions on a friend can really help and bring you closer, but too much can drag them down too with so much negitivity.

I suggest you give her abit of time alone which she porbably means. Then, if you want to try and get her back as a friend you may want to tell her that you're sorry you made her feel that way and you understand now that you were placing a very heavy burden on her by relying on her for support in this very difficult time. Say you will make an effort in future to be there for her as much as she is for you.

This should make you realise that as much as you need youre mates right now, it's really emotionally draining and difficult for them to be around you when your like this. Make an effort, If you can, to stop and think about her feelings and issues, maybe she has problems she wants to share with you but feels she can't because your problems are so much bigger.

Finally, try thinking again about asking for help from professionals, it will definatly help take the pressure off yourself and your mates. I know first hand, I was very depressed most of my teenage years but refused to tell my parents or seek help, I figgured I could fix it and it would go away on it's own eventually. Now, there's nothing a regret more in my life then not asking for help because I realise how much of my life I wasted being miserable and wanting to die when I could have done somthing about it.