Well, things are better between me and the girl at work. We talk and everything like we used to, but I wish she didn't know my secret. Now that one done with, a new problem has arisen.Okay, I met a guy online through a social anxiety website and we've been talking now for almost four years. We IM each other, talk on the phone, and exchange picture. I've seen him through webcam only, we've never met in person. I now where he lives, but he doesn't know where I live. We've gotten really close, I think about him all the time, I've told him things that I've never told anybody. I've felt like I was falling in love with him and he recently told me that he loved me.But here's the deal, from the beginning I told him that I don't want to be serious with him and that from time to time I pursue other people. He said he was okay with it in the beginning. Then we started trying to define our relationship, I never considered him my boyfriend. I have all these feelings, but I'm still afraid. He lives in Nebraska and he wants to be closer to me. He is a really sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, funny, smart, and good looking guy. I feel like if I tell him I don't want him closer and we should keep our relationship the same, that I'm passing up a great guy. I don't know what to do.Here's some background on him:He suffers from social anxiety (as do I), he was on medication for depression (I think, or it might have been anxiety but I can't remember), he's 31 years old and he lives with his parents because his anxiety makes it hard for him to work with people.I feel like it's a major problem and our relationship wouldn't work if he can't be and hasn't been out on his own for a long period of time. I'm afraid if things don't work out and he has a real problem, I won't know how to deal with it. I'm scared, but I care a lot about him, he's been so nice to me. But most of all I'm afraid that if I say okay, move to Texas, he'll come here and turn into Mr. Hyde or something. It's a big deal to move that far from home for somebody else. I'm worried I'll be turned off by the serious relationship I think such a big decision would entail abd he will have moved here and I'll feel like crap. PLEASE help me...I need any point of view or personal experience you can provide.
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Update: Things Are Better
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I met my awesome girlfriend in nearly exactly the same way. Were talking for nearly 2 years and then by that time we had realised that we were perfect for each other and so decided to follow our hearts Neither of us had any personality disorders though, so it was really just love that bought us together.Without knowing the guy (and yourself) I can't say whether it would work or not, but I thought I'd at least mention that we took the step, and it was the best thing I've ever done in my life.
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Thanks, I'm still undecided and afraid.
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Please, any help guys...anything??
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I can see what you mean about if he did come and live near then that could change things as thats a very forward move. My advise would be atleast meet eachother in person before either of you doing anything too drastic like moving house (personaly i'd go with some friends because after all you did meet him on the internet, and after all this time he might still not be who you think he is).Hope thats helped :S
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It does. I should suggest to him about meeting first...and swallow my nerves.
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So Monday I broke things off with him and I feel really bad. I cried the rest of the night. I just couldn't make up my mind about what to do, so I just let everything go. I want to follow my heart and hope he'll take me back. :frowning:
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But why did you break things off, had you met him?
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No, hadn't met him. We only lasted a day without talking. He's coming to visit me during Spring Break. We've talked about him moving to Texas. He has it planned, but I still don't think he's prepared. He just going to have to realize, with lack of job experience he's going to have to settle for something else.I broke things off with him because he lived so far away and I was tired of are "relationship". I was scared also, there was a lot of distrust. He always felt like a stranger because we had never met and I was afraid he was not who he said he was, even after talking to him for so long.
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So he's definately visiting you during Spring Break? And have you talked since you 'broke-up'? I realise that was three months ago!
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Yeah, I just hadn't been here and a while. We ended up talking only one day after. He's definitely coming, and I'm pretty scared. I'm going to be so nervous. :frowning: