ok well here is a little background info...me and my girlfriend have been together coming up on four years now. i really care for her and love her complelty but we have never had a very good sex life. whether its just we dont see eye to eye about sex or what its just kinda sucked. but ive dealt with it. at first i blew it off not thinking that sex should have anything to do with a relationship, but we slowly began to fight more and more about sex. about two years into the relationship we broke up (my idea) during the month and a half we were apart, i was with another woman sexually, and hung out with another on a few dates. but ended up getting back with my girlfriend. well the sex is better than it was at the beginning but still not very good. (i could go into details but not really important, lets just say its very one-sided, sex, and not my side) well recently i have been around some old friends and well thaughts have been crossing my mind about cheating on my girlfriend, and i dont like it! its tough because i have tried so hard to work through these problems with the sex, and short of breaking up with her over sex, idk what to do! should i just learn to deal with horrible sex? i mean i know its not right that i am continually flirting with girls at work and college, hell anywere theres a hot girl i find myself flirting with them, and i dont like it, i should be more devoted to my girlfriend!
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Bad sex life, thaughts of cheating, what do i do?
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If sex is where you have the problem, then that problem is always gonna be there. And now if you're having these thoughts too then I say it's time to leave her.
It sucks that it's over sex, but if it's that big of a problem to you then it's always gonna be a problem.At least this way you do right by her in not cheating.
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If you truly care about your girlfriend, and you have tried talking to her about the problems, you could try counselling? It isn't only reserved for married people
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Another idea... there is a book called "The Sex-starved Marriage: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido" by Michele Weiner Davis that is very good.. (again, I know you aren't married, but neither am I and I found it good to read through...!) maybe have a look into that?
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Talk to her, tell how you really feel.If the worst that happens is you break up because of it, well, that's what was going to happen if you cheated anyway.
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You need to stop thinking about this. Think about if you ACTUALLY do this how hurt she will be. She will probably never forgive you.. or ever speak to you again. You need to think about the consequences.
If you really loved her you wouldnt be thinking these thoughts. Love is more than just sex... and if you can`t but it behind you maybe you should just leave her and let her find someone who will love her 100%.
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Quote:If you really loved her you wouldnt be thinking these thoughts.I don't agree with that. It may perhaps be true for women, but males are made to mate, and any man can be tempted.
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Originally Posted By: StephieJ
If you really loved her you wouldnt be thinking these thoughts. Love is more than just sex... and if you can`t but it behind you maybe you should just leave her and let her find someone who will love her 100%.
Maybe you misunderstood what i was asking, i was not saying that i had any intention of actually cheating on her, i was saying that i have had the thaughts of it, the fantasy of other women if you will. but i have more respect for myself as a man and her as a woman than to cheat on her, i would definitly end it before i could cheat on her. i was looking more for answers on how to work out extreme differenes on views about sex so that i dont have these ideas about leaving her because of sex. because i do disagree in you saying if i loved her 100% its more than just sex, i think sex is important in a relationship, at least in that you find someone that you can come to terms with about sex, and thats what im trying to do with my girlfriend and i was looking for tips on how to do that.
i do like the idea about that book, i will look for a copy right after the holidays. as far as counceling goes i am not against the idea but i think it would be hard to get her along with the idea, for her its basically, if your not happy with the sex then lets just stop having it... she was raised religious and anytime trouble comes up about sex it always goes back to the "oh were not married so we shouldnt be doing it anyway" excuse. so its a really touchy argument with her, but thank you guys for hearing me out, it has if for nothing else at least been nice to get it off my chest and have someone hear me out and give me some feedback.
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Well you said it yourself. You need to be more devoted to your girlfriend.
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Going on what you say, about sex being one sided, it sounds she is being pretty selfish. Your sex life should be about both of you, your desires are important. Definately try talking to her more about if you can but you cant go on forever like that. Quote:Well you said it yourself. You need to be more devoted to your girlfriend. On the contrary she isnt devoted enough to him. He hasnt cheated on her, hes identified his desires and turned away from them for her, hes tolerated sexual frustration with her (for four years!), and she doesnt appear willing to properly discuss sex. Sex has a place in a relationship and his girlfriend needs to come to terms with that. Cobra is clearly a commited guy, but in this aspect of his relationship he doesnt seem to be getting much back.